Remembering?

I'll try to keep this short, I was going to wait until a little bit later to post this because I'm new, but I'm up a gum tree with this so any input / advice is ace. Still a little shy and not wanting to spill my life suddenly out to strangers.

Wasn't really sure if this should do here, or dissociation.

Is it possible to be abused as a child, and not remember it, at all?
I didn't have a good childhood because of the death of my mum and brother. Later on in my life my dad turned physically and verbally abusive. I was raped by him once. There were always missing pieces in my childhood.

I don't want to say it is not an issue for me but I am not haunted by it as so many others are (and for just reasons). I numb out to it a lot and I am aware of that, but it is a way of coping. I generally assumed my childhood was free from abuse because I could not remember any.

Recently a memory just popped up. I don't want to get into it but it was abusive. I am aware there are very large parts of my childhood I do not completely remember.

I know online isn't the way to find the dinkum answer but any input is appreciated.

Is it possible, after years, to realize you were abused as a child? I'm scared there's a lot more I don't remember. As a child I was always withdrawn and a little violent (it's evident in work I've seen that I apparently did in grade school). I'm just worried that all those blank gaps are bad.

yeah ive heard of many people who put it all away and didnt remember anything until many years later
its hard... i hope you can get yourself some good psychological help because its hard enough with help but alone.. even more so

take care

blue

Yup. I remembered as an adult being molested when I was 11. I guess when I was 11, I didn't really recognize what it was. Years later it came back to me, and I knew it happened.

It sounds like you had a pretty rough childhood overall. It makes sense that there was something there that you didn't want to remember. Most cases I have heard of when someone had memory gaps and couldn't remember much of childhood, there was abuse. Some people with gaps like that may think that it is normal not to be able to remember their childhood.

You will need to deal with those memories as they come back up. There are some good therapists out there with experience in trauma work. They can help you a lot.

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Dingoroo said:
Is it possible to be abused as a child, and not remember it, at all?

Is it possible, after years, to realize you were abused as a child?

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Definitely possible! Our minds have a way of protecting us from trauma we experience if it's too much to handle - and sometimes we remember bits and pieces of it later, and sometimes we never really know about our past experiences much at all.

Do you have a therapist to work this through with at all? If memories are starting to flood you (even a bit) it can be hard to deal with it by yourself.

Thanks for replies.

I don't currently see one. I was going to see one but things got changed around so now I don't think I will. Just the concept of having 'guarded' so much from myself is... frightening.

understandable. you're probably scared of what else is there. Of what else you have forgotten.. right?
Maybe later on when you have settled down etc you could look for a t.. when you feel ready.

Hi Dingoroo, yes it is completely possible that you had no recollection of this childhood abuse at all. And I know it is terrifying how our minds can hide stuff from us. I have a dissociation disorder and was so freaked when a memory of a whole chunk of my life came back that I could not remember.
BUT, I try not to be scared by my mind in that way because I think it is just blocking things out or whatever to help me cope.
Oh and yes, it would be great if you saw a therapist or something IF you are ready to go and cooperate. Personally, I think numbing is quite a good coping method and I do it often. But, if this is holding you back in anyway, try and get some help or change it. I am sorry you went through such hard times (((Dingoroo))).
Oh and yes, the violent work from school etc. ARE signs of childhood abuse. I am sorry if you ever did go through this, it is totally unfair. But don't blow everything out of proportion in your mind yet. Seek help if you want and then slowly you can try and get memories back IF you want to. Don't think that every blank part of your memory is from something bad, that is not necessarily true.
Take care and sorry if i rambled!

Thank you for replies.

Bits and pieces sometimes come back to me... it terrifies me of what I've buried in my head (and I am not someone who is scared easily).

It's probably playing with fire, but if I wanted to reach my father, I know how, although I don't really think asking him would be a reliable source (nor one I really want to get involved with again as he is involved in memories). Curiosity killed the dingo.