How do you get some power back and stop living out the victim role?

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

Muffy posted this link in another thread. Even though I knew this stuff before, reading through it made me cry because it describes me and the patterns in my life so accurately.

Part of my problem is that I have learned to recognize problems, but I still tend not to know how to do anything about the problems, which just keeps me stuck, although now I am hurt and angry about being stuck because I woke up enough to see it. And that seems to be part of the pattern too.

One effect of a history of emotional abuse is the disempowerment, and susceptibility to further disempowerment, and difficulty taking action or following through or completing things. I'm really having a hard time with this. I'm in trouble at work for not getting things done on time, and when I do get something done I send it in and get blasted because it isn't perfect, so I spend more time on the next one going over and over it trying to make it good enough, and get blasted for taking too much time and still not getting it right. I also keep getting complaints that I identify problems but don't include solutions. Often I do suggest a potential solution, but have no funding for it or it takes someone else to implement it and I get ignored so I give up and feel disempowered and worthless once again.

I want to be worth something and to be able to believe in myself and to feel like I can contribute something and make a difference. But it seems like I never get it right. I don't respond well to being controlled and over-managed. I need to have some autonomy. After a while I start seeing all the flaws in the system and can't stand being on the bottom rung and watching things being done in a way that I know isn't right. But I feel invisible and when I try to speak up I just get run over. So I get louder and they get tired of me or don't want to hear what I'm trying to say and want me gone, or I develop such a bad attitude that I can't stand myself.

The same pattern keeps repeating over and over again, and jobs and relationships and all kinds of things end badly because of it, and I'm left hurt and angry and feeling worthless and discouraged and think that there is no point in trying anymore. Yeah, I know that I am part of the pattern. The way that I approach this problems is not working. But it seems like nothing will and it is hopeless. I want to change it. Really, I do. But I keep failing and each failure makes it so much harder to try again. And when I get in trouble for all the same stuff, again, it only makes it worse. And it's probably all my own stupid fault.

It's hard to see any options other than giving up. I deseperately need someone to believe in me and encourage me and help me to believe in myself, and not to give up on me. And even that is really hard because I'm extremely sensitive to criticism and everything negative, but I discount anything positive before it even registers. If someone does appreciate me or think that I am worthwhile, I often can't even see it.

Help!!!!