Can't deal (possible trigger)

Trigger to be safe.







Kate's doing better in hospital... Torin & Evan discharged... friend is still in bad condition. At least she's doing better now but I do NOT need anymore stress

I don't need these new memories. Why do I have to remember NOW.
And I sure as hell don't need these &!@#ing phone calls, these emails, these threats. The word safety is nothing but a joke to me. A fake promise that I first heard when I was a child that has lost all meaning. I'll shut up there

Not asking for anything with this, I just can't deal right now with all this other stuff with my gf and kids happening when this stuff is piled with it

((((((((((((((((((((((((((griffe)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Griffe your being threatened?

Can't %$#!ing doing this, I can't. Therapy tomorrow and the therapist wants me to see a whole stupid TEAM, twisted foot, flashbacks, phone ringing, alone in the house, can't stay grounded.

((((((((((((((((griffe))))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad your T is caring for you, although it is difficult.
I wish I could say something more helpful....
but you are in my thoughts.
ktgirl

Griffe, please don't miss therapy again. This team is there to help you. They aren't going to hurt you. When you get there tell them how you feel whether it is being scared or whatever....

I never tell my T anything current and therapy still seems pointless. I'm broken. I'm broken all over again.

I've gotten five %&!@ing phone calls this morning threatening me. I'll get hurt all over again. Everything will happen all over again. I can't talk to anyone. I shouldn't be talking on a public forum.

And my T asks if I'm safe... lie through my teeth, nod my head, "of course I'm safe."

If someone is threatening you, you should report it. You have to be safe. How can your t help you to heal if you aren't honest? Please be safe.

Griffe, you must let your Ts help you. Is someone in your family threatening you?

Not in my family. My T can't help me. No one can.

Phone keeps &^!#ing ringing, my friend was supposed to pick me after he finished his movie so I could stay at his house but now he said he'll pick me up tonight. Tonight? I can't deal with being alone and not being safe and I can't blame my friend, I didn't tell him why I didn't want to stay at home, but

Griffe... all I can say is

not telling = no possibility of help.

telling = maybe they can help, maybe they can't.

If they can, wonderful, you might be able to get safe and stop whatever is going on. If they can't, you are no worse or better off than you are right now. If people are hurting you, they are going to continue to do that whether you tell or not. Not telling is not going to make them stop hurting you.

I don't know what is going on for you, but I do know that people can can and have gotten out of some of the worst situations imaginable. And it all starts with reaching out and talking honestly about what is going on.

You said therapy still seems pointless... which is must be if you are experiencing threats and are not safe and are not talking about it with your T. Therapy is a waste of time if you'e not going to talk about what's really going on in your life there. Your T can't help you if you refuse to share the truth about what is happening for you.

So, the way I see it... you can can not tell and continue to be threatened and scared and hurt (?) and have nothing change, or you can find the courage to start sharing about the hardest stuff, and work with your T towards making some real changes that will help you get out of whatever trap you are in.

Unfortunately no-one else can do it for you. But YOU can do it for you, and it WILL be worth it... if only because anything has to be better than whatever is going on now.

I know how very hard it is to talk about current abuse. I know the pain and the fear and the intense shame of it. I've been there myself for far too long. But all you have to start with is one simple little word... "help".

I hope you can find the courage to speak or write that one little word to your T, Griffe. Because you have nothing at all to lose. It sounds like... things just can't get much worse than they all ready are. And that one little word opens up an entire lifetime of possibilities... I bet you can't even imagine a world without pain and shame and rage and intense self-hate. I bet you certainly can't imagine it for yourself.

The escape from the horror of a lifetime of abuse all has to start somewhere, Griffe. You've taken the first step to get a T. I know from reading here how hard that was for you. What is the next step going to be? Because that's all you have to do... take it one tiny step at a time.

You can do it, Griffe. Baby steps.
You can do it.

I totally agree with Luce, very good post.
Hope that you will apply what you tell me, on yourself for a change...

and take care...
We are here for you no matter what you decide

Blue

I can really relate to your racing thoughts. I can also relate to the fact that you say you can't do this anymore. You Can! I say that a lot but I keep going to T. We have hope. If your being threatened you need to find a safe place becasue it is triggering your past. We didn't get here overnight it takes time be easy on yourself. Don't push away the people that are trying to help. I understand your pain and anger so well but don't quit.

griffe,

the others already said all the correct advice. i am just here to say i noticed you and care that you are having a hard time.

i want something to change so you can feel safe again. i want more for you just like you would if i was the one posting. i care.

i just feel so helpless because i want more for you and for blue and for all those who are scared today, struggling....

you matter to me.

leslie and pixies