[whitetiger87]

I was raped by my bf in college, and i just can't seem to come up with any reason why someone would hurt someone like that, does anyone have any ideas?? What drives a person to do that to someone else?

Any thoughts??

[Cthomas]

Hi.....

Wish i had a really good answer for you. im sorry you went through that. I did go through something like that as well. I dont know why. I belive its overpowering somebody vulnerable. I dont think it has to do with the actual "act" itself but the power play it gives them.

All i do know is that the people left in the wake of it all are forever questioning what they did wrong. But you know what, we did nothing wrong. we didnt deserve it. we just need to know that some people are terribly sick. and because of theyre sickness, we got our issues to contend with.

I wish i could give more specific information on why. God knows i wish i knew why. i just know that after so many years, i need to look forward to getting past my angered feelings of what happened and get back to me. the person i used to be.

Hope this helps

Colleen

[silentandscared]

l too wish l had the answer.....but is there one......ive stopped looking because its the looking for answers trying to make some sense out of a senseless, voilent act/acts that drives me further down. The repeated playing over and over destroying you piece by piece.... do l even need to know to heal.....NO....... l just need to understand that this is not my fault l do nothing wrong.......it is not me it is THEM!!!!! l too believe it is not the act itself but the power that it gives them to see the fear, the pain and the hrt they cause......to me that makes them VERY SICK indeed who in there right mind would want to or knowingly inflict this much suffering on another human being....
sorry this has just hit a very bad nerve

l dont know why they do it and im sorry that you have experienced one of the most ultimate acts of hurt and betrayal by someone you thought you could trust.
In my thoughts and prayers
Mandyxx

[Capp]

((whitetiger))
I am so sorry you went through this betrayal...

Like the others, It Is Not Your Fault. Period.
It is an act of violence and control. From my own experience, there are no answers, and silentandscared is right about trying to figure it out.
It's very easy to get tangled in these things.

My therapist used a phrase I've held onto;
analysis paralysis
you can get stuck in a mire of self-defeating thoughts

I wish I had words of wisdom for you, whitetiger.
Know that we care about you
Cap

[theama]

whitetiger, I was raped by my fiance (that time, at least) so I know how that feels. My answer: I have no idea. What I DO know is that it's not my fault, and it's not your fault either.
I try not to ask too many questions, 'cause I won't be able to get any answers anyway. =/

[whitetiger87]

Hey thanks everyone for your replies. It is a senseless act of violence that I doubt anyone can ever fully explain. I know deep down that it wasn't my fault but i still struggle with the what if's, what if i didn't do this, what if i didn't wear that, ect. I just wanted to see what everyone else thought about the subject, I just don't understand what makes people want to hurt others. As a psych major I do no that nothing is ever black and white, they didnt come out of the womb ready to rape and wreak havoc, nature and nurture played a part for sure but it's not an excuse. Idk, I have always wondered about it but now that it has happend to me i really wonder about it. What has happend to these ppl to make them think it's ok, what goes on in their head as they are taking away someones choice? I just don't get it.

Thanks again!

[SpottedOwl]

((((whitetiger))))

I'm so sorry you had to experience that. It *was not* your fault and you did not deserve to be treated that way. Period.

I think people who hurt others usually were hurt themselves. I'm not sure they are even aware of the level of pain that they cause by their actions, or they have dissociated from their feelings.

On my good days I can feel some compassion for my abusers, knowing they were once innocent children who probably were abused themselves. That said, it has taken a lot of work, processing and healing to even glimpse that compassion.

So, it is ok to not understand it. It shows me you try to think about how your actions affect others, and that is a very good thing.

Many healing thoughts for you.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by whitetiger87

What drives a person to do that to someone else?

We could make a list of all the reasons and then we would still have to add to it as the years pass.