Sometimes if feels so lonely to carry the load of reality of what has happened to me. People don't want to hear what happened to you, don't want to believe the story, or just plan reject you because you are like somebody with a contagious disease. They want to live in denial that things like that happened to us, don't really exist. I wish I could have that denial power.
It is just so lonely to be a survivor, as if what we survived wasn't enough to endure, now we have our aloneness too.

[99RedBalloons]

I'm feeling the exact same way you are. I know what you're thinking and going through.

We all have to learn to cope in our own ways and get all the help we need. That's the most we can do. With support we get, we will be able to get through life. From what I've learned, someday everything will seem okay...even if for just a second.

[Junerain]

_I_ understand avd everyone here understands....PC nay not be physically there, for you......but cyberspace _is_ aspace, a place...where love lives and grows....

Originally Posted by 99RedBalloons

I'm feeling the exact same way you are. I know what you're thinking and going through.

We all have to learn to cope in our own ways and get all the help we need. That's the most we can do. With support we get, we will be able to get through life. From what I've learned, someday everything will seem okay...even if for just a second.

Thanks 99,
I am trying to cope, therapy is bringing out such horrible stuff for me from the past, and then people from the present are triggering it even more. I am sad you know what it feels like when nobody seems to understand, it feels like I am so alone nowdays. I am hoping for the second someday, it is just hard for me to believe in that right now.Thank you for you support, you have no idea how much I appreciate it to hear kind words right now .

Originally Posted by Junerain

_I_ understand avd everyone here understands....PC nay not be physically there, for you......but cyberspace _is_ aspace, a place...where love lives and grows....

Thanks Junerain,

I hope PC is a better place then where I came from, actually being here scares the heck out of me because I am afraid of being judged and hurt. Maybe it will be different, I hope so.

[madisgram]

i believe that a lot of people just put up a wall to shut out our info cause they have to separate themselves from the "uglies" of life. my family did this to me. i thought how can they say they love me but ignore these facts!!!! so in some cases at least i think it's just shutting out the info cause it's so terrifying to them and they conveniently forget to be compassionate for a soul that has been wounded so badly.
what worked for me was to talk about these hurts i had to people that i already knew had the capacity to be caring to me even if they had not had these horrible experiences.
empower yourself by surrounding yourself with these loving kind of persons and soon you may be able to say i am not a victim but a survivor who is not lonely anymore.

[multipixie9]

exotic flower,

i know about the loneliness. first there are the hurts and horrors and then there is being alone with the memories. that is really adding insult to injury. part of my coping in life has come from having a relationship with God, that has done the very most good for me. another part of my coping is making contact with other survivors here - both giving and taking from them has helped me feel "less alone". some times i do just have to keep trudging on with no obvious sources of help there for me, somehow i am made able to just keep on keeping on. (i don't like it ONE bit, but i can do it when i must) when i reach out to others to comfort or share solutions that really helps me too. sometimes giving is getting which sounds contradictory, but it isn't.

hang in there. things will get better and they always come up after they have gone down for a while. i am in a downturn now and so i know another upturn is going to come. hugs!!!

leslie and the pixies

Originally Posted by madisgram

i believe that a lot of people just put up a wall to shut out our info cause they have to separate themselves from the "uglies" of life. my family did this to me. i thought how can they say they love me but ignore these facts!!!! so in some cases at least i think it's just shutting out the info cause it's so terrifying to them and they conveniently forget to be compassionate for a soul that has been wounded so badly.
what worked for me was to talk about these hurts i had to people that i already knew had the capacity to be caring to me even if they had not had these horrible experiences.
empower yourself by surrounding yourself with these loving kind of persons and soon you may be able to say i am not a victim but a survivor who is not lonely anymore.

I need some people who can accept me, that would feel great. Thank you.

[quote=multipixie9;887035]exotic flower,

i know about the loneliness. first there are the hurts and horrors and then there is being alone with the memories. that is really adding insult to injury. part of my coping in life has come from having a relationship with God, that has done the very most good for me. another part of my coping is making contact with other survivors here - both giving and taking from them has helped me feel "less alone". some times i do just have to keep trudging on with no obvious sources of help there for me, somehow i am made able to just keep on keeping on. (i don't like it ONE bit, but i can do it when i must) when i reach out to others to comfort or share solutions that really helps me too. sometimes giving is getting which sounds contradictory, but it isn't.

I do believe in giving, I volunteer at our state's juvenile center and work with these kids who have horrible home lives. That makes me feel good, like I have a purpose. It is interesting because these kids have trust issues as well, but when they get to know me, they sense I am safe. But I feel I get more out of helping them .
My T also says things go up and down, and she is trying to get me to comfort myself during the down times, because things will always get better. Thank you so much for your support

[searchingmysoul]

You are not alone exoticflower. Big hug!

Originally Posted by exoticflower

It is just so lonely to be a survivor, as if what we survived wasn't enough to endure, now we have our aloneness too.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Thanks 99,
therapy is bringing out such horrible stuff for me from the past, and then people from the present are triggering it even more. .

I identify very much with both of these things you wrote.

There is a lot of support here at PC. I hope you find it that way too.

Thanks for the hugs Searching. I sure needed one today.

Originally Posted by searchingmysoul

You are not alone exoticflower. Big hug!



I identify very much with both of these things you wrote.

There is a lot of support here at PC. I hope you find it that way too.

[luvdogs]

Originally Posted by exoticflower

Sometimes if feels so lonely to carry the load of reality of what has happened to me. People don't want to hear what happened to you, don't want to believe the story, or just plan reject you because you are like somebody with a contagious disease. They want to live in denial that things like that happened to us, don't really exist. I wish I could have that denial power.
It is just so lonely to be a survivor, as if what we survived wasn't enough to endure, now we have our aloneness too.

yes,yes...

Yep, I do now as a matter of fact!

I couldn't have said it better than you did in your original post. My family is in denial, I can't be, and they are getting annoyed at me because I "can't" let it go. It's all so infuriating! Take care.

Originally Posted by Soliaree

Yep, I do now as a matter of fact!

I couldn't have said it better than you did in your original post. My family is in denial, I can't be, and they are getting annoyed at me because I "can't" let it go. It's all so infuriating! Take care.

Hi Soliaree,
Yeah, don't you just hate that saying? If we could let it go don't you think we would? I mean who wants to feel this pain, not me. So I guess this is something that we have to work out alone or with a good T because nobody else wants to know about it. I truly believe that this denial is part of the big problem, that almost allows the various abuses to keep happening, because nobody want to tell and nobody wants to know. uggghhh!

[Zelev]

I never felt the need to share my history with others outside of PC. The three times I did, it backfired big time. I shared my past with my ex when we were married and later he used that against me to try and gain custody.

I trust no one. I think that is what makes others see me as different not really my past abuse. I purposely keep my distance until I feel I can trust that person and that takes so long that most people have already gotten their first impression of me and moved on.

Zelev,

That really saddens me that someone who was married to you, the father of your children, to use what was so horrible to you as a child, against you. That must be the ultimate meanness and betrayal.