[Lilly76]

I think this may sound a bit of a stupid question so forgive me but does anybody quiz their T on their own personal opinions on things or ask them questions? For example. I know my T has children and I kind of wanted to ask him what he thought about a father who abused their child. How, as a father, can you come to that place in your head when you think it's acceptable to do something like that. Would they have to be devoid of all feelings and love for that child?? Would they feel hatred towards that child with a need to punish them for something?

Maybe I'm looking for answers....that he can't answer. I don't know..??

Sorry, I know this is a bit random...

[deliquesce]

no, thank you for raising this topic - don't apologise!

i don't know if your T will answer you. some Ts don't self disclose, as a matter of practise, and then some Ts might find that question too personal to answer (since he has kids). also - maybe it is not the sort of thing that will really help you anyway - your T can only guess at the answer - he won't know what really went on in your fathers mind.

having said that, i kind of want to ask my pdoc a similar question. so i will be interested in replies to this thread. my question just involves what he would do if he came across a given scenario.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Lilly76

I think this may sound a bit of a stupid question so forgive me but does anybody quiz their T on their own personal opinions on things or ask them questions? For example. I know my T has children and I kind of wanted to ask him what he thought about a father who abused their child. How, as a father, can you come to that place in your head when you think it's acceptable to do something like that. Would they have to be devoid of all feelings and love for that child?? Would they feel hatred towards that child with a need to punish them for something?

Maybe I'm looking for answers....that he can't answer. I don't know..??

Sorry, I know this is a bit random...

i agree with delis response to you...but getting some viewpoint other than your own is not all bad either. the worst thing that can happen (and it's not really "worst") is he can tell you he'd rather not espouse his opinion. i mean i asked my T if certain things i had experienced as a child with a parent was acceptable behavior and what was his spin on it. he readily gave me an answer... it validated my feelings about that situation that i had never asked anyone before. as for the question re would they feel hatred towards that child...i don't think he can answer for someone else nor should he, imho.
to pry into the T's personal life is of course another matter but i don't think that you were heading in that direction with your question.
hope this helps.

[Lilly76]

Thanks for your replies.... my intention is not to pry into my T's private life but to just get some elses take on something like this. I would totally understand if someone would choose not to answer that sort of a question and as you say...nobody can know the mind of another.

Thanks you for taking the time to answer my random question...

[deliquesce]

please let us know how you go. i think you are going in with the right attitude - if your T refuses to answer, it's nothing about not wanting to help you.

as i said already - i want to ask my pdoc a similar sort of question. so i'm glad your brought the topic up, because now i at least know that i'm probably not the first person to have asked a personal question of their T!

just 2 weeks ago i asked my t about what was the worst thing that had ever happened to her...and she sat and thought and then came up with 3 things...all of which floored me. ...1 of which she had briefly mentioned in passing once. one of the others, which guessing by the way she explained it was clearly hitting a sensitive nerve sort of set her off and she "vented" for awhile about it.

i felt bad about how upset she got but yet it was sort of allright to see her reacting in the same way that i would (kind of ranting and raving altho in a controlled t way!)

i think it was important for me to know that after sharing the horror of my childhood with her to know that she too had experienced some serious things (if that makes sense). i mean i have valued her opinions and insight but i guess somehow i just needed to know this...and honestly if she had said no to my question that would have been okay ...i had thought about that too.

i have asked her questions about parenting and about what she has done as sort of a way to judge what was done in my family and what is done in hers (i have dogs..not quite the same as kids) and she is always good about helping me to understand.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Lilly76

I kind of wanted to ask him what he thought about a father who abused their child. How, as a father, can you come to that place in your head when you think it's acceptable to do something like that. Would they have to be devoid of all feelings and love for that child?? Would they feel hatred towards that child with a need to punish them for something?

I think that these are excellent questions to ask your T. I think that it would open up a good conversation. He will know why you are asking these specific questions........

[Lee ann]

I never asked my therapist questions about her own life but I want her to be my mom it aches so much in my heart. When that gets hard, sometimes I take a break. Therapists have hard jobs. I don't see how they do it.

[alas]

Hi Lilly,

Maybe not ask him as a father but just as a person, everyones right he won't know what was going on in your fathers head but maybe his answer can help.

I was abused by my father and for right now, because it changes I think from year to year, I think that he was sick, and should have controlled himself. I used to think he was nothing but pure evil but now I think that everyone has their good and thier bad... and he didn't do what he was suppose to as a responcible human being and control his bad. He is a person and capable of anything just like anyone else. I am trying not to let all that bad cloud the good that was in my childhood, when I look there is good, not every waking moment was I being abused.

Anyway, I hope your t helps you with this question, him being male I would ask and take advantage of his view point, maybe just not throw his kids in their might make it awkward.

good luck

alas