What is the difference...

Learning_To_Love_Me · Jan 30, 2009 at 02:21 AM

My therapist asked me this question and I wonder what others say. She asked me what is the difference between a victim and survivor? I have trouble with this so I was wondering what others have to say about this.

Vanessa

chaotic13 · Jan 30, 2009 at 01:26 PM

This discussion appears frequently here. Each time different perspectives are raised and my personal definition changes. To me a victim is someone who as suffered harm. A surivivor is someone who suffered harm, lived, and has recovered, is in the process of recovering, or still has a chance to recover and/ or adapt to life in the aftermath. I think the term survivor is somewhat empowering because it acknowledges that the person is still alive and hasn't lost the will/or the ablility to fight back and recover.

madisgram · Jan 31, 2009 at 09:10 PM

i liked what chaotic said.
jme, i believe a victim can become a survivor. if one stays a victim or chooses to remain a victim then there is no healing or growth emerging out of a horrible event. the power still lies with the violator.
i believe a survivor acknowleges that they were victimized but elect to do an action towards healing and emergence towards emotional growth.
my added definition in no way minimizes a victim. those of us who have been victims and become survivors understand that, i believe.
i'd even like to add one more term in the order:
i was a victim.
i became a survivor.
i am no longer just surviving, but i am living my new life.

chaotic13 · Jan 31, 2009 at 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by madisgram

i'd even like to add one more term in the order:
i was a victim.
i became a survivor.
i am no longer just surviving, but i am living my new life.

I like this progression. In my mind though the terms survivor and surviving are not synonymous. Also for me I think in some ways I am a survivor, at times I even experience fully living status. Unfortunately, in other ways it doesn't take but a single word or action to send me back to being a victim. I think that is the tangled nature of abuse. No matter how well you've healed... there is still some scar tissue that causes you aches and pains when stressed. I guess the key is in acceptance of where you are at any given time.

googley · Jan 31, 2009 at 10:09 PM

I find that the difference between the two is how you feel in relation to a trauma (or other experience). I also know that I can go back and forth between the two identities at any time. When I am feeling like a victim I feel like my control over my future is limited and that I will not be able to move beyond the trauma. When I feel like a survivor I feel like I am able to take my life back and make decisions for myself without letting the trauma and my reactions to it rule my decisions or options that seem possible. It can change from day to day.

fsnmm2 · Feb 01, 2009 at 08:24 PM

I think that a survivor was once a victim and has learned how to overcome their traumatic event. A survivor has come to terms with knowing and understanding why they can move on. A victim is one who is unable to get from that incident, situation or event. Not sure if my definition helped.

multipixie9 · Feb 02, 2009 at 04:14 AM

right now i think these words are part of a spectrum of responses and effects of harm against someone.

a healthy person who is harmed becomes a victim, who becomes a survivor as he/she heals and strives to regain an unchained life. A survivor can become recovered after she/he works through the issues to such a full extent that the original harm has little effect. What i think i hope to become ultimately is a Victor. it is a fight, a struggle and a progressive effort to get to the place of victor and i suspect one is considerably older when he/she gets to the place of Victor!

i couldn't resist putting my 2 cents worth in on the discussion. i was interested in English in college and the more i read the more i see the power of words - for good and for evil. sometimes knowing the word and its right meaning is part of what begins to help me focus on recovering from the confusing mess of pain that was my childhood.

Also, i think the actions of recovery come along and get done before we find real solid emotional freedom restored to us. But, WE WILL GET THERE!!!!! hugs if you want them,

leslie and her pixies

Luce · Feb 02, 2009 at 05:41 AM

me personally - I really hate the terms 'victim' and 'survivor'. I don't see myself as ever having been a 'victim' and I don't now see myself as a 'survivor'.

If someone 'vicitmized' me, I see that as meaning they changed me from 'me' into a 'victim'. I refuse to be labelled as someone's victim. i refuse to be labelled as 'someones' anything.

In my life I have experienced a lot of trauma and a lot of pain. Throughout my adult years i have worked hard to recover from and heal those hurts.

But I am NOT a victim and I am NOT a survivor.
I am ME.

Me, me, me, me, ME!!!
(still on the long rocky road of healing)

Capp · Feb 02, 2009 at 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luce

me personally - I really hate the terms 'victim' and 'survivor'. I don't see myself as ever having been a 'victim' and I don't now see myself as a 'survivor'.

If someone 'vicitmized' me, I see that as meaning they changed me from 'me' into a 'victim'. I refuse to be labelled as someone's victim. i refuse to be labelled as 'someones' anything.

In my life I have experienced a lot of trauma and a lot of pain. Throughout my adult years i have worked hard to recover from and heal those hurts.

But I am NOT a victim and I am NOT a survivor.
I am ME.

Me, me, me, me, ME!!!
(still on the long rocky road of healing)

I really like this and thank you for sharing...
It was also part of my healing that I do not accept the labels that others try to put on me.

Cap

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Learning_To_Love_Me Member Member Since Jan 2009 Location: Coldsville LOL Posts: 37 15	Jan 30, 2009 at 02:21 AM #1 My therapist asked me this question and I wonder what others say. She asked me what is the difference between a victim and survivor? I have trouble with this so I was wondering what others have to say about this. Vanessa
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fsnmm2 New Member Member Since Oct 2006 Posts: 5 17	Feb 01, 2009 at 08:24 PM #6 I think that a survivor was once a victim and has learned how to overcome their traumatic event. A survivor has come to terms with knowing and understanding why they can move on. A victim is one who is unable to get from that incident, situation or event. Not sure if my definition helped.
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