What do you do when nothing helps

My experience of 20 years in AA and I can tell you for a fact that many many people in AA also have depression and other mental health problems. People are afraid to talk about it. I am pretty stubborn, have thick skin, and love to argue, aside from my depressive, shy, withdrawn nature. When I am feeling good I am not afraid to share or to argue.

I started sharing a lot in open meetings about my depression. To me it was very much related to my alcoholism and was not an outside issue. Of course some people gave me flack that it is an outside issue. I even talked openly about taking meds and of course a few a-holes said I wasn't even sober because I took those damn antidepressants. Those guys I told to F off.

At first I was very stubborn about sharing about my depression and meds. Kind of in your face. I cannot tell you how many people have come up to me after the meeting and thanked me and told me they also suffer. Or people who don't have it but were very understanding and compassionate. Way way more than the a-holes.

I got sober in a medium sized city in CA that had a large AA community. Those of us with depression kind of had our own support group outside of the rooms. Today I don't really need AA support for my depression because I have lots of other support. If I am suffering I will still sometimes share because I know the chances are high there is someone else sitting in that room also suffering. Or if someone else shares it will give me the courage to share my story of depression.

Many people don't understand and will tell you to just work the steps. I applied the steps to my depression for many years and it hasn't worked. It's hard to share when the next comment you hear is "The best cure for depression is overtime." Like I could work overtime when in a severe suicidal depression.

Overall I think we should be cautious about sharing and look for people who also suffer and support each other. Not everyone is happy joyous and free and lots of people in the rooms suffer from depression. It's hard not to be jealous of those who are happy joyous and free. Lots of the promises have come true for me but not all of them.

The book itself talks about us and how we should seek outside help and how it is harder for us.

Actually I can say all of the promises have come true for me. It has taken lots of consistent hard work and a number of years of sobriety. Not all the promises are true for me all the time or for anyone. Especially number 2. I am not always depressed though and lots of times it's true. It's not so black and white sometimes each one is true and sometimes not.

The most important thing is never lose hope and never never give up. You never know what is around the corner. Change is the only constant. Trust me I know how hard it is since I have been suffering from chronic severe depression since I was 13.