This is depressing.

Well everything is all good for the moment, went to a concert I enjoyed and all is well externally in life for now. But realistically I feel I have no hope of developing any social life...I mean luckily I get along with my brother pretty well so me and him hang out rather often but that's not the same as having friends, and sometimes I feel like it would be better if sometimes I had my own friends or acquaintances to go hang out with or talk to instead of relying on when he has time I have met quite a few people he knows but its still like I wouldn't do that if I wasn't accompanying him somewhere with people. I could try to try and spend more time with my sister but she's always busy and I'm worried I'd just be boring...if she did have free time. I am on SSI and do not have a volunteer position or a hobby/activity that really takes up time so admittedly I have a lot of time of being alone to contemplate since everyone I know has jobs, school or both.

I have had a few failed short term relationships, always assume something about me is off-putting except a couple where its somewhat likely they where more using me and I was to naive to actually see that for a while but aside from that seems it's likely I fail at such things. I really enjoy music, I try to distract myself from overanalizing all this crap with watching movies, listening to music, playing computer/video games....walking around outside and when I can afford it maybe go to a concert or movie or something....but that stuff ends up being more short lived than I'd like it to be Of course sometimes the crushing depression just makes it impossible might decide on something to do and just sit there and feel like crap hoping it would end/feeling like there is no change of improvement or satisfaction with life complete with suicidal ideation at least lately when this happens I can't be bothered to act on any of those thoughts...would take too much effort.

I am in therapy to help with the PTSD though its not like they therapist just ignores the depression or other things either but specializes in the trauma aspect...and I really don't buy that its going to help, more nervous it will just bring out more symptoms or trigger already existing ones to a more extreme degree...also don't like the idea of the change of being triggerred during therapy to be seen that way by anyone including a therapist. Don't really want to 're-process' things from the past that make me feel horrible but don't want to just cut off the therapy after already getting to the point they even brought up attempting that soon, but I am worried it will just further depress me. Not sure quite where I am going with this suppose just curious how long one can go on like that.....for now not going out of my way to tell anyone IRL, but it gets exhausting faking that everything's fine, but also the stress of people worrying would also be exhausting.

Hello Hellion: I don't really have any particular suggestions for you here. I'm an older person at this point. I am married. But beyond that, I pretty-much just keep to myself. I neither have nor want friends. I don't go to concerts, to the movies, the theater, or to any other events where people gather.

I do think this kind of a lifestyle becomes easier as one ages. When I was younger, I would have found it stifling. I also don't share my mental health concerns with anyone. This is probably the most difficult part of my life situation. However, since this has been the case for my entire life, I'm used to it, even if I don't enjoy it.

In the past, I used to ruminate about how long I could continue to go on this way. It seemed as though something had to give. However, at this point, I've come to the conclusion that this is just the way it is. I'm resigned to it & satisfied to be where I am. I do think this has something to do with my personality. I've never been a particularly gregarious person. A person who needs frequent stimulation & interaction with other people would have a difficult time adjusting to my lifestyle.

It is strange as I do need my alone time, takes me longer to recharge from social interaction than most people...but not having the option of social interaction is problematic for me that is the bit that gets lonely...guess I would not care so much if I did not desire it but on the brightside there are at least a few people in life I get along alright with. If I didn't love music so much I probably would not bother ever going to concerts....but I admit it does get to me when I do go to a show myself and can't seem to meet anyone or really interact, even in settings with people I still end up feeling alone around people if that makes sense...but luckily when I go to a concert my main reason is the music not to meet people so that feeling usually passes once the music starts.

Yes. I can recall when I felt similarly...

I am in the same feeling as you. It is very hard for me, I have nobody to socialize with and it has put me in a downward spiral. I wish I could at least get relief from medication. I am just lost in isolation. I am sorry you going threw this. I just want to let you know you are not alone. And seems like nobody understands so I just push myself threw with music, movies, tv, etc.

I have some close family to socialize with and tend to get along with my brothers friends...but even with that I feel alone even with those people. So sometimes I just isolate myself because i don't want to feel alone around people. Sometimes I end up drinking too much probably trying to compensate for my initial nervousness around people but that doesn't help obviously.

I guess I can try for this subsized housing, then at least I'd have my own place...not sure how much it would help my state of mind...but those have waiting lists for the most part to so its not like I'd be moving in the next month, suppose it could be better than my moms basement.