Years of depression have become too much.

Aloha Rose,

YUP- Staying in bed, ruminating about the end, eating potato chips for breakfast, praying no one calls me cause I don't have the energy to answer it... YUP, pretty sick of it all. Cant seem to get these hopeless thoughts out of my mind.. they just never stop.

Then again... perhaps for me, it is hopeless? I speak with Pdoc's all the time and am insistent that I have "Terminal Depression." Obviously, they don't appreciate what I'm saying...HA! But not one of them has been able to suggest a treatment or med that could possibly work in my case.

Med's don't work at all, tried Neurofeedback, rTMS (36 1-hour sessions), ECT, energy medicine (Reiki), and will be going in for Ketamine Infusions in a few weeks but... I'm not holding my breath.

Living like this is absolute torture. I just finished 16-weeks of stopping Klonopin (1-mg) so I wasn't sleeping very well but now that I'm totally off the Benzo's I am sleeping OK every couple nights. Yes, I do take a Oxycodone for back pain but I keep it at 1/2 tab a day and it does slightly help the depression for a few hours.

I am currently doing day treatment (3-days a week) at the local hospital and it does keep me accountable because I have to get out of bed to show up... Does it help the depression? No, not really, but it keeps me around people who are dealing with similar issues. The bottom line is... there is NO treatment for the severe depression with total anhedonia I have and it doesn't look like any promising therapies on the horizon. Oh yeah, and if the depression wasn't enough...They diagnosed me with Parkinson's last week!

Guess, I just wanted to share my frustrations and let you know that I am finding some peace after spending 34-years being treated for depression and the last 7-years in this hopeless condition. I am working very hard to become acceptant of the situation...just as it is... no more, no less. This attitude is helping the non-stop thoughts slow down a little bit.

I wish you just a tiny glimpse of hope as I wish the same for myself.