Motivation?

Hey all,

I post on the BPD & Relationship boards a lot but I need some help related to my depression. I guess it's closer now to dysthymia but I think it would probably qualify as "treatment resistant." There seems to be a glass ceiling of sorts I just can't break through to a world without depression. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, my parents took me to a therapist the first time when I was 9. I do mostly ok now. I function at about at 7 on a scale of 1-10. I come to work, only called in once in 11 months because of depression which is HUGE. It's never happened before. I take 25 mg/day of nortryptiline (Pamelor) which handles my anxiety and anger really well. I take Wellbutrin 150mg/day which mostly handles the depression. I also take a lot of vitamins and supplements for fatigue. I've had my thryoid tested and my fatigue is not due to that. I eat fairly healthy and I'm trying to make myself start working out again but it's tough. I'm having difficulty finding motivation.

I know I feel better when I work out regularly. Since I got this 8-4:30 job it's tough to make myself get up and work out at 5am. The alarm goes off at 5am and it used to be that I would snooze the alarm at first. Now I wake up before the alarm goes off, but I don't get up, I still snooze it. I lie there and wonder why I'm not getting up, like I'm not in control of it. I roll out of bed at the last possible second, which means on days like today I spend over an hour lying in bed, mostly awake, wondering why I'm not motivated to move or work out. It occurred to me today that I might be depressed and that's the reason I'm not getting up. Sometimes I get full-on depressed where I just don't care about anything, that usually lasts about a day or two. Mostly it's just that everything takes too much energy and I can't bring myself to do it all. I can do the dishes but I can't do the dishes and mop the floor both. I'm so frustrated because it just feels like I'm barely functioning and I really want to just live normally, as a person who can get up and go to work and then actually do something in the evening too. Summer of 2014 my doctor and I tried adjusting my meds but it ended up Wellbutrin is the lesser of all evils. SSRIs don't work for me at all and effexor gave me insomnia so I could only take it 3 days before feeling absolutely insane due to lack of sleep.

I'm afraid this may just be my life at this point. I may have to accept I will always have limitations. It really upsets me to think that though. How do you get motivated when you have no motivation???

Hello DBTDiva: Well... you've certainly described my life. I'm not on the med's you're on. And I'm an older person now. So I suppose that makes a difference. But as far as having the motivation to do things... forget it (except for being here on PsychCentral!) From my perspective, it sounds as though you're doing pretty darn well. Maybe it is just a situation where you are simply expecting more out of yourself than you are able to deliver at this point... especially given the med's you're on. I've taken SSRI's or SNRI's in the past & they always took the starch out of me, as they say. I also find that this time of year, it becomes even more difficult to get up, get out, & do what needs to be done. Of course, I live in the north &, today, it's cold, overcast, & raining. That makes it doubly difficult to get going. So I guess I don't have any particularly useful suggestions as to how to get motivated when you have no motivation. I would just suggest that, perhaps, you might just try not to expect too much of yourself. It sounds to me like, all things considered, you're doing pretty well.

Hi, thanks for your reply!!!! I very well may be expecting too much. I haven't consistently worked 40 hours a week since 2008 so that is a big adjustment by itself. I feel like I have very little free time and I hate it. I don't do well with going off daylight savings time either. Luckily it's a little brighter in central time in the evenings, I did live in the north and it seemed like it was dark at 4:30pm when we were off daylight savings. I probably am too hard on myself, I tend to think that everyone else has it all together and I'm the only person struggling and I know that is not the case.

I think I'm just sort of hoping to wake up one day and have enough energy to do everything I want to do and that life will more or less run smoothly.

Mornings are particularly rough for me too, especially on dark, dreary days. Have you thought about working out in the evening instead of the morning? You could try something like yoga that might be a little more relaxing than other types of exercise.

I did buy a groupon for five yoga classes about a month ago but I have yet to use it. I've always been too intimidated to do yoga in-person. I am going to try to force myself to walk tonight even if it's just for 10 minutes. Mostly I have too much going on in the evenings, or I'm too tired, or both. If I don't get it done earlier in the day I just don't do it. I will definitely try doing different types of exercise, thanks!!

I had to get a friend to go with me when I started yoga. I was absolutely terrified of going alone. We try to go twice a week now; Monday nights and Saturday mornings. I'm thinking about starting Thursday evenings by myself. I also find paying for the class ahead of time is great motivation for going We started with a beginner's yoga class, which was also really helpful, though I've noticed not a lot of studios do beginner classes on a regular basis, which I simply don't understand...

I used to run; I did the couch to 5k program and it worked great. I loved the sense of accomplishment I got after each workout. I'm really into checking things of lists, so that kind of what it felt like. Unfortunately, my feet have been giving me trouble for a long time now, so that's why I switched to yoga. I'm hoping to get back to running, though.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about exercise some more. Exercise has done the most for me when it comes to my depression and mental health.

Well, you described my life, too. Down to the whole laying in bed like a lump before dashing at the last possible moment.

Skeezyks - I'm currently in Minneapolis. So dreary out!!

And, yes, Central Time it's dark by 4:30. I HATE IT.

Yeah. I'm smooshed up against that glass ceiling like a bug on a windshield.

It's so awful. I'm stuck between trying not to be too hard on myself and knowing that I don't do well off daylight savings time and being afraid I'm using that as an excuse too much. My boyfriend and I are registered to do an 8K walk on Thanksgiving day though, which several friends convinced me to do, so maybe that will jump start my motivation? Hopefully. If it helps I will be sure to let you know.

Yes, lavendersage. And on top of that... it's supposed to turn COLD tomorrow!

Hi DBTDiva. This might help http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB/BA.pdf

- vital

Maybe what would help is a reasonable list you could write every night of the things you would like to achieve the next day. You list the tasks you want to do, but don't exaggerate by putting too many things on it.
It will be very hard in the beginning but every time you have achieved a few consecutive days of handling your tasks that are on the list well, you can give yourself a little reward.

I have quite severe depression as well, but writing down that list helps setting me little goals, even though I don't always quite achieve them.

Thanks for the suggestion! I'm not really sure I agree with everything on that pdf but I do appreciate the information.

How many things do you put on your list? I think part of my problem is that I don't really know what is reasonable.

I don't put that many things ! Some of the things I write down are having a full healthy breakfast and at least do one hour of schoolwork (as I still am in school), then followed by at least 20 minutes tidying up (so maximum 3-4 tasks) I'm keeping it to the bare minimum of things for now, as I know that I won't be able to follow the list well if I put too many things on it. You can start by writing down 2 tasks that take a moderate amount of energy and you can increase the number every day or every week (or month). If ever feel more energized in the future, you can even put the time next to the tasks. (e.g: doing the dishes at 2 pm). That will give you the feeling that organization and you can plan your day ahead well !

I always start checklists in my phone and then forget about them and find them again months later when I decided to do a checklist again. Lol. I am at least consistent!

Hi i tried yoga and meditation , both help me a lot in coping with depression and chronic illness/pain. Meditation really is the best alternative if you want to slowly move out of ur meds as all meds will definitely have side effects but meditation will make you feel alive but yeah you have to do it!! PM me if you want to know more

Thank you! I have stopped meditating regularly and I know that I need to start again because it helped a lot. I was actually planning to this morning and then I had several crises that stole my time before work (car broken into, injured stray cat in my back yard) but I'm planning to do it this evening.