Everyone's given up on me, why shouldn't I

I've been in a depression for over four years now, it's just persistently gotten worse to where I am now. I've been diagnosed with treatment resistant depression, major depressive episode. I'm at a point where getting out of bed to take a shower is a challenge, no motivation to do anything.

Last few months I've just focused on getting help and getting better. I've gone through many meds but I've been really sensitive to the meds and none really did anything for me. I was also in therapy at this time.

My psychiatrist was really pushing for ECT after I exhausted all med options which I didn't want to do. I stopped taking meds and seeing her. I told my psychologist this and she basically told me she can't see me anymore because I have to see more than one doctor.

I was spending probably $350ish a week on these doctors. To be honest I only got worse and worse seeing them. I feel lost, I went hoping they would make me feel better, and was disappointed when I never really got any great help

I don't know what to do know. I have suicidal thoughts and have had them for a long time. Nothing I act on but now seem inevitable.

Hi sarow,

Ever get the idea that your doctors are just going down a check list that someone gave them and have no real clue about what they're doing?

You might have the idea that since the main standard treatments for depression: antidepressants and therapy didn't work, your situation is dire. You must have a bad version of depression. Someone may have told you that you have "treatment resistant" depression. What I think is actually going on is that the standard treatments for depression are S T U P I D and I N E F F E C T I V E. I think that "alternative" treatments for depression are actually much better than the standard treatments and, in any case, should always be tried first because they are safe.

I would suggest just forgetting everything you've done and re-think your problem from scratch. Here is what I think is the best overall plan: http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html . The first step is to check for the many common purely medical issues that can cause mental problems.

Also, here's something that you can try right away. See how effective this simple thing was for Freewilled, for instance:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4715237-post156.html

- vital

God hasn't given up on you, and you 've not given up on yourself. If you still feel some rapport with your shrink go see him again. If not find another one and tell them what you 've tried so far, or have him call the previous one to give him your history. ECT as practised nowadays is very safe and effective, why not consider it? Keep us posted. And I am sorry to disagree with the previous poster but don't go down the alternative therapies road, you won't get better, you 'll spend your money for nothing, and you 'll only be more and more frustrated. MDD is a real illness, if you had cancer you 'd do (or I hope you would) your chemo, you wouldn't go to an acupuncturist or a cosmic field healer or a whatever the hell I pull out of my *** name healer and the like.

For me too getting out of bed to take a bath is a challenge, as many a thing are one, btw. ECT has not been suggested though, I did, but the shrink said no, we are not there.

YOU CAN AND YOU WILL PULL THROUGH.

Hi sarow,

Personally, I have been damaged and betrayed by my last 2 Psychologists, but I do feel they have their place in the treatment of our issues. You cannot and should not battle this alone, if your Therapists are unsuitable, or personalities clash - change them. You are the Employer, you are the one seeking assistance, you should feel as comfortable as possible with your treatment.

Please do not isolate yourself, this could rapidly lead to a downward spiralling of Mood which will take massive effort to recover from.

Your fellow Members here haven't given up on you.

Dave.

Sarow, Dave put it as lucidly and succinctly as possible, try taking his message to heart, and keep on keeping on with the right allies.

Keep that heart beating.

EnglishDave described it lucidly and honestly.

I care

Try meditation if you want to permanently get rid of your meds!

This is a good attitude, however, I don't really think this way because I say that doctors in fact only know what they were taught. Now there are a few -- I mean literally a FEW -- really brilliant ones out there, but for the most part, they only know what they know. If things aren't working I think there's nothing wrong with looking elsewhere. I had to kind of laugh at the caner comment because I kind of wish that I had cancer instead. That's depression for ya, you actually WISH you had cancer so you would have an excuse or explanation for why you want to die. Plus physical is so much easier than emotional pain. Anyway....I DO think alternative therapies bear some looking at, as long as you screen them carefully. Use your best judgment to figure out if it is legit, and get recommendations, etc. Why do you NOT trust alternative therapies, just out of curiosity? I mean, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over with no results, yet still expecting results. Time for a change I say. Having been through nursing schoool I can tell you that much of what we are taught could very well be wrong (not all of it, for sure, but a lot of it.) For example, acupuncture used to be derided and now is considered a legit medical treatment. Psychiatrists only know what they were taught and from experience. Apparently it is not enough a lot of the time. Hard to accept but this is true. And btw I did used to think anything but the mainstream medical field was worth listening to, until AFTER going to nursing school and realizing that all doctors and nurses know is what they were told to know. That's it. If there was any real life experience that contradicted what you learned, it didn't count because the answer on the boards was considered to be the ONLY correct answer. Yet the brain is so little known compared to the body, there is no way to say mainstream docs have all the answers. Even they will admit that without any possible way to measure (such as with bloodwork, for example) the best they can do is educated guesswork. Ask your shrink how he/she choose which medicine to prescribe, and ask about any other therapies you think might be helpful because he or she might also work WITH those. Finally, having known a LOT of depressed folks including myself, I find that structure, sleep, and after that food, great support, and inspirational work are ALL better medicine than medicine itself. Been doing a kind of informal survey of all my depressed friends for quite some time now and at this point i think medicine has been way too overhyped. We have the power within us to get better, and medicine is merely one minor aid when or if necessary. So can other therapies be beneficial -- just know that it is YOUR power to get better and everything else is for you to use.

Don't give up.

Don't give up...we all want to give up...trust me I feel the way you feel many times....but science is always coming up with new things, and I try to live with my hope that someday they will...

I would like to tell you a little story- I had a good doctor, a psychiatrist, whom I had seen for years. The suddenly he became quite ill and was out of the office for many months. He finally came back to work - he had suffered a stroke. This was a man who was one of the most respected doctors in his field, and he was in the prime of his life with nowhere to go but up... I said that to him one day," I am just ready to give up"- he maneuvered his electric wheelchair over to me and put his one good hand on my shoulder and said, " I'm not ready to give up on you yet." To think that this man, whom God had handed a plateful of problems, wasn't going to give up on me was more moving and kind than anything I can imagine.
So, it is hard to battle this disease, year after year, and of course you feel like giving up- it is a heavy burden, and sometimes you travel alone- but don't give up. Every day that we continue to live with this makes a difference somewhere, somehow, we never know-
so please don't give up. I won't give up if you won't....