Will I ever see the sun again?

boomerango · Mar 13, 2016 at 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fizzyo

After this whinge, I want to thank ALL of you for your thoughts and encouragement.

I know I'm not alone, and your care is precious.

Even when I am not online, I will send hugs and hope for you.

elevatedsoul · Mar 13, 2016 at 04:43 PM

barbella · Mar 13, 2016 at 07:24 PM

Hi Fizzyo, I haven't met you yet but wanted to let you know I read this thread and am thinking of you and sending positive vibes across the ocean to you.

Fizzyo · Apr 13, 2016 at 03:56 PM

I have a date, D Day (discharge) is 4th May, that's 3weeks today.
Ho hum, they think I've done as well as I can and will get by by myself.

Possible trigger:

Maybe they're right, the hope quotient isn't too high for a future I want to live.

Enough whining, I'm not the only one, I know most of you guys are in the same situation, or even more difficult.

Hugs to you all. I'm glad you're all here, though not that you all need to be here, if you get my meaning.

EnglishDave · Apr 13, 2016 at 05:46 PM

I cannot understand the 'if you're not better in X weeks/sessions, we wash our hands of you' attitude to Mental Health treatment in this Country. I was written off and discharged myself for other reasons before I reached that point.

You should be given the option to return without referral should your issues deteriorate. Do utilise that right if necessary. In the meantime I hope you are now strong enough to cope, with the support of those around you and all of us here.

Dave.

Fuzzybear · Apr 15, 2016 at 10:20 AM

I'm sorry that the "services" do not "cope" or help

I believe you're definitely "strong" enough to "get by" without their questionable help. But I think it sucks how they have effectively abandoned you (and I know this happens to many)

We are here for you

Fizzyo · May 03, 2016 at 04:03 PM

Thank you everyone. You don't know how often re reading what you have all said has given me strength.

D Day is tomorrow.

I saw Pdoc Friday and there is little/no other medication worth trying. He said once you're taking Bupropion you've been scraping the bottom of the barrel for sensible medication options for a while. I'm glad I got to ask again though and he showed a lot of compassion for which I'm grateful.

Possible trigger:

It seems I'm unlikely to see much of the sun for the foreseeable future but I do appreciate that my Pdoc wouldn't lie and pretend hope that isn't there even though

he also said we can't be sure of the future and it can go the way we don't expect.

Medication can't cure everything, I know that from having worked nearly 24 years in the NHS.

Thanks for your concern English Dave. I will need a referral to get back into the system, but if things get bad I'm confident from what she's done in the past that my GP will make sure I'm sent back.

Possible trigger:

It feels more final now the discharge process is taking its course, the thing they've said for a while that this is in large part a personality thing so I have to live with the way I am. I'm fighting, kicking against it, don't want to accept it!!!!!

The sun may stay away, the hope quotient may be almost nil, but you guys inspire me to face the next day.

basicgoodness · May 03, 2016 at 04:18 PM

I've never heard that about Buproprion (Wellbutrin). I always thought it was a pretty standard weapon in the arsenal of medications. I have been on it, but it made me anxious.

In any event, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make the transition. I hope all goes well.

Fizzyo · May 04, 2016 at 01:40 PM

Thanks Basic goodness. I think Bupropion is only licensed in the uk to help someone stop smoking, it's supposed to reduce cravings, but a constant can prescribe "off list" if it's justified.
The only group of antidepressants I haven't tried a fair sample from is MAOIs and I don't fancy the diatry restrictions.
They haven't been suggested, possibly because that might provide temptation, (my thought) and it's a bit drastic if it's only likely to give "marginal benefit" to use my Pdoc's words.

The last session has been and gone so I'm now officially discharged. I can be referred back in to the service on a fast track basis (someone would see me within 48 hours) should everything go completely pear shaped, but that isn't so much the point for me, it is the prognosis and the implied confirmation of that which is the real issue.(ie nothing is likely to change for the foreseeable future).

I have to get used to it and get on with it somehow.

Thanks to PC and everyone on it for the support I get. Reading your responses makes so much difference.

Fuzzybear · May 04, 2016 at 02:47 PM

I'm sorry

I wish I had something helpful to say.
I don't get it how they expect people to "exist" and "just get on with it" with such despair and pain.
"

Marginal benefit

"..........if it was me I'd challenge that, but I'd do lots of things...
I do not like their terminology, it stinks of judgement and patronisation

(is this a word? It "should" be

)

I'm sending love and hugs

(Fellow Uker .. I'm happy to be a bear and no longer have to "deal" with this sort of garbage :

)

Fuzzybear · May 04, 2016 at 03:10 PM

I was wondering, could you see someone privately? I know they are very expensive.... They would tend to have a less pessimistic, punitive view and actually offer some useful support, at least I would hope so

Fizzyo · May 05, 2016 at 04:19 PM

Thanks Fuzzybear, maybe...

I don't think the Pdoc was punitive, he was very compassionate and I think he really cares if you get better. (A rarity maybe) but I do trust his opinion, even if I don't always like it!

Some private practitioners I feel will also spin a yarn to keep you coming back and false hope really makes me angry, I've had enough of that in my time.

There is a counsellor we saw for couples counselling I may see if I feel there are specific issues to address.... In total I've had years of counselling with little long term benefit. I like her though, so that's an option.

Thank you so much for your care and support. You really make a difference on PC.

I feel in a slightly better place today.

I'm so glad we're all here for each other.

EnglishDave · May 05, 2016 at 07:29 PM

I found it quite levelling when my Psychiatrist dxed my Depression's cause as a Personality Disorder. It gave reason for the years of suffering through the most interesting, successful and supposedly enjoyable times of my life. It explained why any positive Mood was fleeting, and was followed closely by dark, often destructive, turns.

You get resigned to the fact that ADs of any sort will likely keep you stable one step above Severely Depressed until the tolerance builds up and you need an increase, or a meds change. Then you are likely to experience a Mood plummet.

I have severe Anxiety/Panic issues, so Therapy has always been difficult, but being as I am I question how effective it is over the long term. It has only helped me once, getting me through a crisis, but it did not help any further.

So embrace your Personality dx, it's not the end of the World. And we are going to have a sunny Summer, I feel it

Fizzyo · May 06, 2016 at 03:33 PM

Thanks English Dave I will try to. I'm certainly making the most of the summer we're having this week.

Smileonmyface · May 06, 2016 at 05:02 PM

i can relate. you are not alone

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elevatedsoul Ascended Member Since Nov 2013 Location: usa Posts: 3,836 10 1,852 hugs given	Mar 13, 2016 at 04:43 PM #22 __________________
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barbella Veteran Member Member Since Feb 2016 Location: Canada Posts: 741 8 250 hugs given	Mar 13, 2016 at 07:24 PM #23 Hi Fizzyo, I haven't met you yet but wanted to let you know I read this thread and am thinking of you and sending positive vibes across the ocean to you.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,331 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Apr 15, 2016 at 10:20 AM #26 I'm sorry that the "services" do not "cope" or help I believe you're definitely "strong" enough to "get by" without their questionable help. But I think it sucks how they have effectively abandoned you (and I know this happens to many) We are here for you __________________
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basicgoodness Member Member Since Jan 2014 Location: Colorado Posts: 173 10 29 hugs given	May 03, 2016 at 04:18 PM #28 I've never heard that about Buproprion (Wellbutrin). I always thought it was a pretty standard weapon in the arsenal of medications. I have been on it, but it made me anxious. In any event, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you make the transition. I hope all goes well.
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,331 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	May 04, 2016 at 03:10 PM #31 I was wondering, could you see someone privately? I know they are very expensive.... They would tend to have a less pessimistic, punitive view and actually offer some useful support, at least I would hope so __________________
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Fizzyo Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2015 Location: UK Posts: 3,282 9 3,980 hugs given	May 06, 2016 at 03:33 PM #34 Thanks English Dave I will try to. I'm certainly making the most of the summer we're having this week.
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Smileonmyface Grand Poohbah Member Since Feb 2015 Location: nowhere land Posts: 1,927 9 1,238 hugs given	May 06, 2016 at 05:02 PM #35 i can relate. you are not alone __________________
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