Where do I even go from here?

im 20 and have been severely struggling with "depression" since age 12. There's a lot more than depression goin on here (anxiety, abandonment issues, childhood trauma, add) but its basically a huge **** storm and depression is the tip of the iceberg. I'm kind of at a loss now like after so many years of therapy and medication I just don't know what to do. I dont know what to say in groups or one on one because after spilling your history so many times it just kind of becomes white noise like yea these are my problems and im kind of past the point of needing to talk about them. I also don't know what to say to doctors anymore ive been on 8 different anti depressants which really isnt that many considering how long ive had this problem but the meds just consistently do nothing for me i dont even feel a slight change. So idk where to go from here but im just complete and utterly impaired by this i cant get out of bed much less anything else i wanna get better but after so many years of this crap i guess im gonna have to get accustomed to laying in bed for the rest of my life. deuces

Hello ChipSkylark: I'm sorry you have been struggling for such a long time. (I know something about this as well. Most of us here do.) I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

Welcome to PC

thats how i felt when i stopped drinking i went to aa meetings aftera cuople of years and staying sober I got tied of hearing the same thing and felt it was holding me back from moving on so I started an outlet I started powerlifting and soon was consumed with that you need to move on.

Hi ChipSkylark ... I'm new here too. I don't know that I can be of any help, but I do want you to know that I know how you feel. I've been on many different antidepressants also, and the right one for me hasn't been created yet. I've even tried many different combinations. Yes, it does get frustrating. I know what you mean about talk therapy. My doctor wants me to go back into talk therapy. I've been in an out of it for 27 years...and NOBODY has been able to help me. I guess the negative messages I received as a child are just ingrained into my brain. I've even had psychologists tell me that they don't know what else to say and recommend that I see someone else. (That's so encouraging when your psychologist gives up on you!) Like you, I'm tired of starting over with a new counselor and spilling my guts from the beginning again. I had one Ph.D. psychologist tell me that it wasn't necessary for me to start at the beginning and go through all that again. She told me to write down on little sticky notes all the hateful, mean things that have upset me throughout my life. Then, the next time I come in, I will toss all those little notes into her empty waste basket, and we will go outside and light them on fire! POOF! I was supposed to instantly feel better! I am normally a very shy person. However, I just looked at her and said, "Oh, come on! People actually pay you for that? At least you gave me a laugh for the day." I walked out the door. When I told my psychiatrist what that psychologist wanted me to do, she could not believe it and said that she didn't think she would be using her again. Like my psychiatrist said...if it were that easy, we wouldn't need many psychologists on this earth. Maybe that would work for a couple people. Who knows? We're all different. However, I don't know anyone who would find something like that beneficial. I think in your lifetime, you will no doubt find medication that will be beneficial. I hear great things about ketamine; however, apparently it is mainly for people with combat-related PTSD right now...and extremely expensive. I'm 67 years old and have yet to find a beneficial medication. Hugs to you.