No one knows what to do with me

Sorry if this is long but I don't have anyone in my real life I can talk to - only my therapist but I am starting to hold back for fear of being committed again.

I've been on all sorts of meds since I was 14 (I am 26 now) but nothing works. My last psychiatrist had me try all sorts of things (combination of antidepressants and mood stabilizers) for like 2 years ... then the last few sessions she just seemed stumped at how to help me. Like I was a lost cause.

I ended up trying to OD in November and was (voluntarily) inpatient. The hospital didn't help at all and a week later I still sounded so depressed that my psychiatrist called the police. THAT hospital was even worse, and when I got out I switched to a new psychiatrist who was even less helpful than the one who had me committed.

I'm in therapy and also going to yet another new psychiatrist at the end of this month, but I realize that I don't have much hope for ever getting better and want to cancel my appointment.

Every resource for what to do when you're suicidal says to get a therapist / go on meds/ whatever ... but nothing is helping. They also say to 'call a friend' but I don't really have friends at this point in my life.

My therapist is really nice and has seemed helpful in the past, but I noticed in the last session that she was really, like, struggling to think of ways to help me because my life has no meaning and nothing makes me happy anymore. Again, I feel like a lost cause.

Despite my best efforts to find something resembling spirituality - I just don't believe in anything and I can't change that. Life is getting worse every day and I don't know how to convince myself that any of this is worth it...

So sorry your struggling so bad Virginaham.... If its any consultation, you certainly are not alone. I am really really struggling myself with treatment resistant depression. I feel all I can do is keep praying that this episode will lift eventually as the others have in the past years. Very difficult though, its been a year and 8 months with this episode, very discouraging. Anyway, sorry I have no advice for you, only that my heart goes out to you and that you are not alone in this batle. God have mercy on us please,...

Thank you and good luck to you as well.
I don't know that my episode will ever lift. Or that it's meant to. It sort of feels like the last chapter and maybe that's okay...

Thank you as well...im here if you ever need a friend to chat with....

Have you had ECT?

I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate.

I have treatment-resistant depression and am now trying stimulants. More specifically, I am taking generic Adderall, along with citalopram, Wellbutrin and low-dose generic Abilify.

I have been taking lower doses of Adderall for awhile. I am now getting into higher doses and feel I may be getting a positive effect. This is the third day of the higher doses. Have you tried stimulants?

If this does not work, I need to consider ECT.

I hope you find some relief soon.

Love to All.

WC

Thank you guys for the replies.

I take Adderall (25 mg) every day but in some ways I think it may be making me worse. It increased my anxiety, for example, and I debate myself all the time about whether or not to quit it.

And I have not had ECT, although it was recommended to me in the hospital. My friend, and also an ex bf, both had it done and both said that it was not helpful to their depression - other than helping curb psychosis (which is a problem that I thankfully do not have). They both said the memory loss and physical toll was not worth the experience and they would not have done it again. So while I appreciate this suggestion, I don't think it's right for me.

If the new psychiatrist is a total bust (which I'm expecting that it will be) I think I may go off my meds entirely and go from there because I'm not sure that I believe in 'getting help' anymore.

I am sorry Adderall does not agree with you.
I am taking much more Adderall.

Have you tried other stimulants?
Some people swear by Ritalin, Vyvanse and others. Some swear by a different type of "stimulating" meds, called Provigil and Nuvigil.

I am very reticent about ECT as well.


WC