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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 70
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#1
I'm really struggling at the moment. I see my therapist twice a week now. And seeing my psychiatrist next week. I really think that I need to switch one of my medications. I been drinking here and there. But I feel so worthless these days, so insignificant, like I don't really exist. The self hatred is really strong. I been self harming again. I feel like I cannot relate to anyone and that no one can relate to me. I believe I am beyond help and hope. I am too ****ed up. I feel very isolated, paranoid about others. Struggle with suicidal ideations. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Fuzzybear, Skeezyks, zapatoes
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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#2
I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. I can relate to much of this myself. Hopefully your upcoming appointment with your pdoc will result in some improvement.
I wish I knew what to suggest. In my own case, I've pretty-much just resigned myself to the fact that things are the way they are & that's it. The good thing, in my case, I guess you might say is that I'm old. So it really just doesn't much matter anymore. I have my daily routine. And I just make myself keep doing whatever it is that comes next on the list. I meet my intrusive thoughts with what is referred to as compassionate abiding. Are you familiar with the practice? If not, here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description: Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything My best wishes to you... __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Fuzzybear
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Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 70
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#3
Thanks. When I feel this depressed there is almost nothing that can make me feel better. This is how I know that it is not circumstantial or situational. It feels more clinical. I do things just to pass the time and keep busy, but no matter what I am doing I feel depressed, anxious, worthless, and hopeless. Therapy is not helping but it gets me out of the house and lets me get things off my chest. And my medication is not working. When I do feel good and stable I can do anything and enjoy and appreciate what I am doing. But this is where I am at now. There is also substance abuse to escape but it is only temporary, sometimes I am fine with taking a break and temporarily escaping.
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Fuzzybear, zapatoes
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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#4
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