Ketamine for TRD

Hi everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the forum and it’s good to be back. I am desperate for a community and to hear other people’s experiences. I’ve been on numerous medications for major depression the last 25 years and had two full courses of TMS with short term relief. It’s taking all of my savings but the hope of ketamine working is worth it to me. I’ve had 4 IV Ketamine infusions with 2 to go. I feel better afterwards, I’m getting more done but I find myself struggling to not give in to depression. I’ve been having some family stress, which seems to make my relief from ketamine shorter. I have so many questions. What kind of self care do you practice after the infusions? Do you have an increase level of insight?Is there an adjustment to living without depression? My questions don’t have to be answered but any experiences you guys can share I would appreciate. Part of me is joyful about the possibility of living long periods without depression, part of me is angry and grieving what depression has taken from me and a part of me is afraid that depression has become such a part of me and my story I don’t know who I am without it. Sorry about the long post. Thanks for letting me share.