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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 14
4 |
#1
Hi everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the forum and it’s good to be back. I am desperate for a community and to hear other people’s experiences. I’ve been on numerous medications for major depression the last 25 years and had two full courses of TMS with short term relief. It’s taking all of my savings but the hope of ketamine working is worth it to me. I’ve had 4 IV Ketamine infusions with 2 to go. I feel better afterwards, I’m getting more done but I find myself struggling to not give in to depression. I’ve been having some family stress, which seems to make my relief from ketamine shorter. I have so many questions. What kind of self care do you practice after the infusions? Do you have an increase level of insight?Is there an adjustment to living without depression? My questions don’t have to be answered but any experiences you guys can share I would appreciate. Part of me is joyful about the possibility of living long periods without depression, part of me is angry and grieving what depression has taken from me and a part of me is afraid that depression has become such a part of me and my story I don’t know who I am without it. Sorry about the long post. Thanks for letting me share.
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Fuzzybear, Rose76, Werewoman
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moodyblue83, Werewoman
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Member
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: California
Posts: 45
5 |
#2
you are very brave, I can't seem to get the courage up to do this, i keep telling myself it just won't work for me, let us know your experience through your treatments. I also have tried many meds and TMS with no help.
I hope this works for you. |
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Werewoman
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 14
4 |
#3
Thanks for responding to my post and calling me brave. I don’t feel very brave at this moment. Like you I tried everything except ECT. The amazing aspect of it is how it lifts the depression so quickly. That’s what makes it so hopeful for suicide attempts. I’m going for my 5th infusion tomorrow. The first infusion lasted a week and I was so full of hope. I did more in a week than I had in two months. Furnished my entire apartment with some great things from Goodwill. But the last 3 lasted anywhere from 2 to 5 days before falling into a slump again. I’m supposed to go on maintenance after my 6th and I’m getting worried. I’m grateful that at least there is something that can shorten my episodes of depression from 2-8weeks to instant relief. I’ll be able to work. But it’s expensive as you know. I can’t afford to pay $350 every time I get depressed. Tomorrow I will ask the doc if he would be open to prescribing ketamine nasal spray as maintenance for me. It has less availability but I’ll take 70% over 100%. I don’t want to disillusion anyone because I believe in the research and I am getting some relief. I wonder if stress diminishes the lasting effects. My doc said to take it easy the day of the infusion and rest but I saw a YouTube video where a woman stressed complete rest without stress more than he did. I’ve been having some family stress and I’m starting to think that it’s decreasing my results. It’s like my brain isn’t getting a chance to heal and form new synapses. So I hope he’ll be open to the spray. It’s about $50 at a compounding pharmacy. I know what you mean about trying something new. But I can’t give up. I’ve seen some positive results and it’s given me some hope. Sorry again about the long response. No response necessary. This is the first time I’ve talked about it to people who I can relate to and who can relate to me. I’ll keep you posted.
__________________ Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out. Thich Nhat Hanh |
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Werewoman
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Member
Member Since Mar 2012
Posts: 29
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#4
I had 4 "foundational" Ketamine infusions at an excellent clinic. Unfortunately they had no effect on my MI (TRD, OCD, GAD) whatsoever. I was and am gutted 😞
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Werewoman
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 1,853
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#5
Went through Ketamine treatment, worked for a short period of time and then stopped.
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Werewoman
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,450
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#6
I wish you luck with this!
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Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#7
I've been doing monthly ketamine infusions since the first of the year. They work great for my TRD and PTSD. Anxiety and OCD, not so much.
I recently learned you can have a relapse while taking the infusions which I have experienced recently. I hated it but it still was no where near the horror of my constant death wish that I had before the treatments. I hope to keep taking the infusions for the rest of my life, what there is left of it. Before, I broke my hand twice beating the crap out of a door, threw a hairbrush through my bedroom window, attacked my husband several times and couldn't stop crying. My friends were scared for me and I just wanted the pain to stop, no matter what. Luckily I found Ketamine. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#8
You can do this. I know you can. Tell them you're scared. I promise you won't be once you get used to it. I look forward to it now.
__________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#9
Update: I ended up in the nuthouse over Thanksgiving because after about 8 months the ketamine stopped working even though I was up to 85 mg. a treatment. I was afraid to tell anyone because then I would have to admit it to myself. Ketamine was my last hope or so I thought. I was despondent and very suicidal so my husband took me to the mental hospital where I stayed for five days.
The p-doc at the hospital was asking me what drugs I had tried in the past. It's quite the list and obvious that none of them worked for very long. I couldn't stop crying. I thought I was going to have to suffer with this for the rest of my life and ppl in my family live to be ninety. That terrified me. Finally, after a Zoom pow wow with my doctors and therapist, they decided to take me off Seroquel and put me on Lithium. OMG! What a difference! After three weeks on Lithium, I did another Ketamine infusion and I am doing very well! __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 14
4 |
#10
Werewoman I’m so glad that you’re feeling better. I’m committing to looking at what else can help with the ketamine. Different medications, therapy again, better self care...I moved so I see a new doc on Thursday to prescribe the compounded ketamine inhaler that I’ve been in for about 10 months now. I was beginning to worry about the long term effects of ketamine and my last doc kept bringing up the plan to be off of it soon. But with the move I haven’t had it for going on two weeks and I’m falling into a depression. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. The ketamine would usually bring me right out. I didn’t realize how much better it made my life until I didn’t have it. I felt normal most of the time. I had rough days but I felt more resilient and alive. Not dragging and faking it the way I’m doing now. I remember years of living like that. Pushing myself to do things, to show up. I’m going to talk to the new doc and get his opinion on long term ketamine treatment. It’s given me a life I didn’t have before. I read recently that they’re working on some new drugs similar to ketamine but without the dissociation and potential for tolerance and abuse. But for now I hear you Werewoman. Life is amazing when you’re feeling better. I’m happy that you’re starting the new year in a good place.
__________________ Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out. Thich Nhat Hanh |
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Werewoman
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Werewoman
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Aug 2008
Location: Illinois, USA
Posts: 3,052
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#11
I've been on compounded ketamine for a couple or three of years now-it's a nasal spray. It really helps me. I still get suicidal, but not as often nor for as long nor as serious about my intentions. I have a history of alcoholism/drug abuse so I was rather hesitant to try it-my pdoc at the time was also in recovery and he literally told me that we knew what to do if I got addicted (at the time I had over 20 yrs sobriety) but we didn't have any way to help if I was dead. So I tried it. I watch very closely for addictive thinking and although the thought that I am looking forward to the relief that the next dose will give, I have not gotten in the habit of extra doses or of taking more than prescribed. I actually take less that prescribed. My dosage is 60 mg once a week. I have a dissociative disorder as well, and I find that the dissociation from the ketamine is really nothing like when I dissociate or switch. I keep telling the docs/compounding pharmacist this, but they still warn about it. I definitely don't drive until after I have slept after a dose. I prefer it to the Esketamine now being offered because I can do it at home and it costs way less. My cost is $70 for a month.
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Werewoman
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Junior Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 14
4 |
#12
Hi kecanoe. Thanks for sharing. It’s so good to hear from someone in recovery and able to manage the at home ketamine inhaler. I’m also in recovery but have relapsed during bouts of depression. I noticed that ketamine has helped a lot with urges. I didn’t know that there’s actually research on ketamine effectiveness with addictive behavior. Here’s a link to an article at the end of this post. Another interesting positive effect of ketamine is that It causes me to feel more compassion towards myself. I haven’t always used it responsibly but I have a new commitment to this year. I relocated and haven’t had a dose in over two weeks and I had forgotten what it felt like to get up every day depressed. So I have a new level of gratitude and because of that gratitude I am going to use it responsibly. I’m also learning that sobriety is a choice I make every day no matter how I feel. Thank you for being an example of that.
Treating Alcohol Use with Ketamine? New Research Finds It May Help __________________ Freedom is not given to us by anyone; we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and breath out. Thich Nhat Hanh |
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Werewoman
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 771
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#13
I have treatment resistant depression and am looking into doing ketamine treatments ASAP. I've tried so many medications and therapy and even TMS but all have failed to help me. I really don't want to have to do ECT.
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Werewoman
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Member
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: SAD
Posts: 175
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#14
Quote:
im trying to talk to my doctor about ketamine, because everything else has failed...don't give up guys, something going to work for us eventually .. i know it's easier said than done but im still hoping |
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Werewoman
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moodyblue83, Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#15
I've mentioned this all over the forums but I'll keep it up to help as many as I can.
Ask your provider about doing a Genesight test. It tells you what psychotropic drugs are most likely to work for you. There are 22 Antidepressants. There are three that are genetically likely to work for me... __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: SAD
Posts: 175
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#16
Quote:
Ask professional and they will tell you .. |
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Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#17
Quote:
It worked for me. When I tried the medications listed as "Use as directed" I got better results. You don't have to agree with me but unless you have evidence of your claims, don't discount what may work for others. Let's help one another find solutions based on results, not social media fear mongering. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: SAD
Posts: 175
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#18
Quote:
im glad it worked for you, but it does not work for everyone.. that was written by a psychiatrist online not me..i just copied and pasted it. |
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Werewoman
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Werewoman
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#19
It does make a professional's job easier I would think but frankly I think big pharma stands to lose the most. People like me won't be buying drugs that don't work for them.
And no copy and paste without a source. It sounded rude. All is forgiven. 😎 __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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Poohbah
Member Since May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,472
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#20
Back on topic.
I'm back on Ketamine again. I had to stop in March because the mania was so bad. I'll post later if it's working or not. It's like the meds put up a wall and the depression punches through it. Then the meds patch the hole only to have it punch through again later. __________________ You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd |
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