My Story with TRD and other disorders

Hi. I'm 26, have treatment resistant depression, borderline/avoidant personality disorder, ptsd, agoraphobia, and social anxiety. I've been depressed and had panic attacks since I was 12 years old, and the depression has been chronic, daily. My life is a matter of coping from minute to minute. I take Ritalin and it's been the only thing that's touched my depression. It even helps my social anxiety and 'unfreezes' me, as I call it, bringing me out of my shell and this frozen state that I'm constantly in.

I've tried so many medications, and so many therapists and therapies, even TMS. Ritalin three times a day has been the only thing to help but it only works for about two hours at a time. It just feels like a giant bandaid covering up everything.

I was in a car accident at 9. Had a mild Traumatic Brain Injury. Lost my grandmother at 12 when she had a stroke---my father wasn't in my life, so I was raised by my grandmother and mother. I never grieved because my mother's grief was so intense and I felt so sad for her. I was bullied at school all the time for being "shy." Didn't have friends. Felt isolated for a long time.

I have a wonderful husband who supports me, and my mother supports me as well, but I don't have many other people. I can barely leave the house unless someone goes with me. I can't go shopping by myself, can't even put gas in the car because I'm afraid of leaving the house alone/pumping gas/getting hurt/people.

I also tried TMS. I had hope but it failed, unfortunately. So now I'm looking into ECT or Ketamine Infusions (preferably Ketamine over ECT) and I'm trying to get disability benefits. I just don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. Today, a clinic is calling about Ketamine to have a consultation with me and I guess I'll go from there.

Any advice, especially stories where you can relate, etc. would be great to hear. I would love to talk to someone who understands. Thank you for reading.