[salukigirl]

So I'm Irish.....and very very pale. I don't really tan either, I burn, then I go pale again. So I go outside the other day in shorts and my boyfriend goes "wow, we need to get you out in the sun!" and that really pissed me off. I was like "what if you walked in without a shirt on and I said something like 'wow, we need to get you on a diet!'" Doesn't that seem kinda mean? Or am I taking comments like that too seriously? I hate hearing stuff like "oh yeah I think that's cute" when it's about something that's not on me or something I don't have. Like he said he likes abs but its pretty impossible for me to get them. Or he said he hates bangs.....which I have.

I know he doesn't mean anything by those kind of comments but I can't help but feel like I'm not enough (physically) for him even though he tells me I'm perfect all the time.

[AAAAA]

I too am Irish and have been told I "glow in the dark" my legs are "blindingly white" there are more, but you get the picture. I have always avoided the sun as much as possible because of the sun-burns and freckles. I've always accepted them in the spirit in which we were given, tongue in cheek. They've never bothered me a bit. Is there something else going on or was it really just the sun comment that made you angry?

[robin620]

I'm not Irish, but very light skinned. I've never been able to tan - I burn, then peel, then freckle, then back to pale.
Most people can tan, at least for a while. They don't understand that light skin doesn't mean you are a vampire and always hiding from the sun. They think everyone can tan, but you choose not to - which isn't always the case.
I would take this comment as a misunderstanding, but I agree that if it bothers you a lot it might be just the tip of the iceberg of misunderstanding.

[AAAAA]

Oh I forgot about the vampire comments.

I used to be called milk bottle legs..... now I wear trousers

Dot to dot face....... cos of freckles

Son is called Ginger ninja ....... he is eleven and we have taught him to love his hair and he thinks its cool being called a ninja lol

[salukigirl]

I think he just doesn't understand what's okay to say and what's not y'know? I'm not sure why but I just take it with a grain of salt. Sometimes I don't even think on it because I know a lot of it is just stuff he's been "trained" to think as a male and not his actual opinion. Like he said he hated bangs, but he doesn't hate mine? lol Like he's just been told to not like them so he says he doesnt. Or he thinks he is supposed to like a 6 pack even though, from my experience, he likes me with some meat and constantly says that he doesn't want me to get too skinny.

So yeah, half of it is just stuff he thinks he SHOULD like I think. That comment just made me mad because it's like I have a family history of skin cancer and have had a mole removed that was pre-cancerous. So no.....I'm not going to sunbathe! lol

[RomanSunburn]

Hey Saluki
I actually deal with those kind of feelings with my boyfriends frequently. Like we'll be watching a movie (Garden State), and he says "Why don't you dress like that more?" about Natalie Portman in her polo shirts. Or my sister just got her ears pierced again, so she has two holes in her ear lobes. I personally don't like it, and Lovie says "Oh, I think it looks good on girls." And it was just a rush of those feelings -- "I'm not good enough for you? I thought you said I was perfect?? Does that mean you dont like me the way I am and want me to change...?"

But its a double edge sword. He rarely tells me what he likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to me. I rarely get compliments from him. I have no idea what clothes he likes me best in (even if I wear polo shirts, I never get a "You look nice today"). So, at times, I appreciate knowing what he likes and dislikes -- except when he likes things that I dont have/do/am or dislikes things that I do/have/am (grr... he perfers shorter hair? EXCEPT on me???)

Oi vey, Saluki. I understand! <hugs> Relationships are for the devil! Except when we're enjoying ourselves, lol

Take care
,
Ro

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by salukigirl

I know he doesn't mean anything by those kind of comments but I can't help but feel like I'm not enough (physically) for him even though he tells me I'm perfect all the time.

I would take the comment at face value.... nothing more and nothing less.

Feeling like one is not enough for another is usually more about the person carrying around the negative feelings (your past)..... heal the wound and you will enjoy the person more while finding love for your self - as you are.

[salukigirl]

Rhapsody that is an absolutely perfect answer. I don't know why I feel so negatively about myself and don't really know how to change it but I know I have gotten better. A few years ago, if my boyfriend would have even looked at another girl, whether it was sexual or just people watching, I would have gone on a shame spiral and hated myself. But now I can deal with them, but they still kind of hurt.

Roman - see he doesn't do that stuff. He always tells me I look cute or when he really likes a certain outfit or a certain hair style. He actually compliments me all the time which I why I don't understand why those kind of comments bug me. I guess just because even if I think to myself "wow, that guy has some nice abs" I would never say it to him. So I feel like... "yeah, I know you notice other girls but you don't have to point it out to me every damn time".

[jerrymichele]

You know Salukigirl I'm the same way. I think men like doing these things on purpose. I know men look, but I don't think they need to stare either. I tell my boyfriend when he's around me not to stare because I get mad. For me I have trust issues with men. I was married to a man for 10 years and he would always make sexual comments about other women to me. My self esteem was so down that I completely shut myself off from him. I have noticed that when I look at a man and get caught the men get upset, and start saying I don't have this, or I don't have that. I don't even say anything about it. I do feel that if my boyfriend thinks that he needs to cheat, then he can have at it because I told him if it ever happens that it will be the end of us. I just won't tolerate something like that. I have been with my boyfriend so long it feels like we are married. I hope you have a good day.