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Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Posts: 42
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Aug 14, 2009 at 11:05 AM
#1
Iv just packed up smoking and my other half is making it soo difficult for me he dont support me, and even thou i love him, i dont think he is right for me, he just seems to make me unhappy... i dont know what to do i work with him too which makes it harder, and we been together two yrs. i been through so much past 6 months too my dad died of cancer.. what do i do? pls help..
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Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Uk...when i'm on planet Earth :p *hugs*
Posts: 1,185
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Aug 14, 2009 at 11:54 AM
#2
Hi tishtosh!
Can I ask how long you've felt like this about your fiancee please? Just recently or for a long time? Does he know how you feel? Have you spoken to him about it? 
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Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Posts: 42
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:00 PM
#3
for about 9months during my fathers illness i noticed his lack of support... and yes iv tried talking to him about it but he wont listen until i threaten to jack it in, and then he admits his faults and says he will try and be more sensitive and supportive and the next day hes back to how he was, hes 36 and im 21 and i jus think why am i wasting my time?
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Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Uk...when i'm on planet Earth :p *hugs*
Posts: 1,185
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:11 PM
#4
Well, I have no right to tell you what to do...other than to say look into your heart and look deep. Only you know what you will regret more in years to come. Leaving him and missing him? Or trying to work it out and feeling you've wasted years of your life if it doesn't work out anyway? I will say one thing but it's only MY opinion...after everything you have been through with your father, and your recent efforts to quit smoking...if he has shown no support or love so far throughout it all...why should he suddenly change tomorrow?
Just my opinion and not meant to offend or hurt!
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Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Posts: 42
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:18 PM
#5
your right lost71 i know he wont change over night i just wish my feelings for him would... in my heart i know its not meant its just complicated because during my dads illness i watched him slowly suffer, and now im scared to lose another man in my life its like obsession and it comes hand in hand wit paranioa... the hard thing is i used to talk to my dad when i had a problam or something on my mind and i cant anymore...
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Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Uk...when i'm on planet Earth :p *hugs*
Posts: 1,185
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:32 PM
#6
((tishtosh))
something my first counsellor taught me. do you believe if your father were here now you could talk to him about this? do you believe it would help? if so then talk to him! two ways it can be done. in your head...totally private, but you can still hear his voice answering back, I know, I've tried it. or...get a trusted friend (or counsellor) to take his place. you say to them exactly what you would say to him. it seems totally weird at first and may take more than one attempt but...believe me it works, it's VERY therapeutic and DOES help one KNOW what one wants to do and...strangely gives the courage, strength, resilience needed to do it. meantime, please do keep posting as long as you need to. nobody here will ever get bored of helping you in any way they can.
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Member
Member Since Aug 2009
Posts: 42
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:41 PM
#7
I speak to my dad in my head all the time and i cant hear anything.. thanks lost71 for your advice maybe if i try talking out loud when im on my own...
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Member Since Aug 2009
Location: Uk...when i'm on planet Earth :p *hugs*
Posts: 1,185
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:48 PM
#8
good luck
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2005
Posts: 3,886
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Aug 14, 2009 at 12:59 PM
#9
You are very young! I strongly recommend that you move on with your life without this man. Actions speak louder than words. If he has proven to you many times that he is unwilling to change and just talks about it but does nothing...then there is your answer. And you can always find a new job and someone that respects you totally. He doesn't appear to be respecting you at all.
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Magnate
Member Since Oct 2007
Location: Fayetteville, AR
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Aug 20, 2009 at 12:17 AM
#10
I agree with Zen. Although guys (and girls) will always make mistakes, say things without thinking, and do things they regret later.... it's typically the first reaction that lets you know how the person really feels. And if you get a consistent first reaction of "I don't care about you" then I think you have your answer.
You can always find another man. Especially if this one doesn't respect you or treat you right. Love should be unconditional. I used to be with a guy and I quit smoking and then asked him "if I picked it up again would you want me to tell you or not?" and he said he would rather not know because he didn't want to think about it. Then one day he smelled smoke on me and flipped even after I said "you told me not to say a word about it". Turns out that he was more interested in simply having control over my actions. Good luck with everything. |
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
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Aug 20, 2009 at 10:05 AM
#11
I agree with Zen, which is an odd position for me, as I have been guilty of dumping them too quickly in the past.
You ARE very young. You deserve to not be unhappy about your man all the time and you deserve support from the one you love. Keep talking to your father. If you do it out loud and you happen to be in public, pull out your cell phone and play like you are on the phone.  You will not hear his voice. But you will know it when he answers you because thoughts and ideas will simply come to you. Also, you may have dreams with answers. I have it on good authority (a very well known medium told me) that dreams are often our loved ones conveying messages to us. I have often had off-the-wall dreams or have awoken with extremely strong feelings that confused me and then soon afterward, their meaning became clear, that they were advising me of something that was going to occurr in the future. Seriously.Tishtosh, I know this sounds very strange to say especially here on this website, but if you knew me personally, you would know that I am normally (besides being bipolar) a very rational person. And I believe, with my whole heart, that our loved ones stay in contact with us after they die. You can communicate with your father whenever you wish. It has always given me a lot of comfort. __________________  Vickie
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 Lost71
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