[Zen888]

I do not like doing group assignments at all. And working in groups of all women makes it even worse (FYI I am female)!

In the fall of 2010, I will be returning to university as a mature student. I can pass for around 24 years old.

Why do I hate working in group assignments with other women? In fall of 2008, I was in a female dominated program and the girls/women were very catty, immature, mean, and loved to gossip (and bad mouth each other). It was like being trapped in junior high school! I couldn't believe how utterly mean and cruel the way some of these girls/women were behaving towards each other.

In one class, the instructor choose our group members. Well this didn't go over too well with some of the younger students. They would say out loud "I don't want to be in a group with her!". And often the person(s) that they didn't want in their group they hardly knew at all. I even receive some of it directed towards myself, I had the choice of joining one group or the other. As I turned my back away from the group I didn't choose to go with, I over heard a girl that was 19 years old say "I am glad she didn't choose our group!". I felt so low that day I just wanted to crawl into a hole.

Those girls/women should want to have me in their groups since I am hard working and get straight A's with a GPA of 3,8 out of 4.

How do I not let what these girls/women get the best of me with their maladaptive behaviors?

I have been told such things as you are there to learn and to ignore these mean people.

But I get so easily overwhelmed by their insensitive and rude remarks that I cannot focus on learning. I fall apart emotionally.

______________________

Does anyone have advice, suggestions, comments, tips...etc on how to deal with girls/women that behave catty, immature, mean, and love to gossip when doing group assignments?

[nightbird]

Hi Zen,

I'd find the best part of me that I love, and move it front & center!

Chances are, people will see that you like yourself, and that you have this cool quality, and they will back off (in admiration)... and when people see someone with self-assurance, it's a quality they would rather emulate than assassinate.

So, put out your true colors, and pick a special and beautiful one to showcase.

The superficial & beyond ridiculous will fade away!

Be strong, Dear Person.

Peace and Empowerment,
Night
xoxo

[Zen888]

I tend to become very shy in group settings. I don't know if I will be able to show my strengths.

[jerrymichele]

Teenagers are like this. I know, I have 3 of them. You just can't pay any mind to them. If one of them would have said that to me, I would have purposely joined the group just to irritate her, and then I would have smiled at her. You just can't let them get to you.

[Michah]

Zen, my sweet......

It occured to me that......they might be jealous, no?

Women in groups have never really appealed to me either......my male friends have told me that I might be "threatening"?

I have a strong personality but am anti-social and introverted......and despite the fact that you say that you are shy......you have never come across to me as shy......quite the opposite.....you seem quite empowered, despite whatever you might be going through in your life.

Maybe it is easier because of the computer screen, but I gotta tell you, you seem like a mighty strong person to me, just in the way that you write......take it with you irl.....

So what if you are shy?, so what if they are horrible?......it is more about their insecurities than anything to do with you.......maybe they have never been tested like you have in their lives......and have never had to take a good long hard look at their own behaviour.......

You have the gift of struggle, of overcoming, of intelligence, of insight.......forgive thier petty mindedness and ignorance......for they are not on the path to enlightenment......like you are......

Take your strength babe......and RUN WITH IT!!! It is always the ones who are jealous or envious who try to take from others.......

Shine, babe, SHINE.......and listen little to negativity......we are with you!

Big hugs,

Michah

[Zen888]

I hear what you all are saying but in real life I am very shy and not assertive. When I am in class at university/college I do not go out of my way to sit with other ppl or start conversations with them. So I stick out like a sore thumb.

In 2010, I will be in a class of 30 women/girls and it will be torture for me. It's like having a cavity filled with no pain killers. I just cannot find any common ground with women under 25 years old at college. In my last program there was a 45 years old lady that acted like she was 20 years old and hung out with the very young girls/women.....not the other ladies that were closer to her age...she ignored them.

I feel like a little kid being forced to go to school to be with her bullies.

[jerrymichele]

Zen a lot of women in that age think that they know everything about life. My daughter who is fixing to be 18 in another month thinks that I know nothing. She can really push my buttons. My daughter comments on everything that I do. She thinks that I was never her age. She even tells me what some people like about me, and what they don't like. I tell her that I really don't care what you think or anyone else thinks. Talking to her is almost as bad as talking to a brick wall. Well I guess that you can say that I'm talking to a brick wall. That woman that your talking about who is 45, is probably trying to fit in. I seem to think that she wants to be young again. It's not going to happen. If you ask me that seems kind of weird that she would be like that. I'm sure others have noticed it also/