[Rio_]

I've known my boyfriend for over a year, and we've been together for about two and a half months. This is the first proper relationship for both of us, and we haven't had sex yet, but we have done other stuff. Last week when he was round at my place, I was, uh, using my hands on him (apologies if this is TMI ) and I think he came. This was under the covers, so I wasn't entirely sure (I don't really know what to look out for, anyway - all I know is that he jumped a mile), and I also don't know where the "evidence" from this went, assuming there was some.

Unfortunately I'm not yet on any form of birth control - I was waiting until I felt ready to actually sleep with him - but I'm now realising how stupid that is because my period is late and I'm freaking out. It's not always regular - it's not uncommon for it to be ten days late, and it was due on the first - which in a way is a good thing I suppose because it means there could be another explanation. But I want to take a pregnancy test to be sure and I don't know when to do it because I don't know when I can really consider my period to be "missed".

Any advice or support would be very welcome...and please don't judge, I already know I've been an idiot.

[Newly_diagnosed]

I'm not a doctor, but i do know that if the seman was outside the body for more that 10 seconds its no longer alive. If the seman never touched you that you should be good. It would be rare to impossible to get pregnant the way you decribed.

[eskielover]

I am not a Dr either, but newly diagnosed explained it well. Without the contact being there, it would be virtually impossible to get pregnant from a situation like that.

Nothing to worry about. Just a note on birth control however for future reference, my mother in law & several other people I know have gotten pregnant while on the pill. Also something to keep in mind.

This isn't judgment, just a suggestion from personal experience. Use wisdom in what you do in the future. It is better not to do something that could change your future unless you are completely ready for all the possible consequences.

Take care of yourself & your emotions above everything. Know yourself & be true to your wants & needs first, then everything else falls into place.


Debbie

[Rio_]

Thanks, Newly_diagnosed and eskielover. I hope you're right...problem is, I don't know if any of it got on me or not. If it did, mum's side of the family gets pregnant very easily, and that's probably been passed down to me as well.

I'm not a doctor, but i do know that if the seman was outside the body for more that 10 seconds its no longer alive.

Thanks for that - I thought it was much longer!

Just a note on birth control however for future reference, my mother in law & several other people I know have gotten pregnant while on the pill. Also something to keep in mind.

I've heard about this happening as well - I'd definitely want to use condoms too. I'm not even sure if I can take the pill, anyway - I know I can't take the combined one, because I used to get migraines with aura, but some websites I've visited say you can't even take the progesteron-only pill if you have/had migraines.

This isn't judgment, just a suggestion from personal experience. Use wisdom in what you do in the future. It is better not to do something that could change your future unless you are completely ready for all the possible consequences.

Thanks, you're completely right. I think the fact that I've been getting so worried about this proves that I'm not ready to take things any further yet.

[eskielover]

I think you will be very wise knowing how much of yourself you have invested in your education. I know that worried feeling is a good sign of not being ready .......very wise.

It was a long time ago when I tried to go on the pill & they have come a long way with it since 1975, but I had problems with blood clots & I would end up passing out not sure what all it was messing up, but my ob-gyn said that the pill was not an option for me......that definitely put much more pressure on what I did even when I was married. We were married, but I ended up pregnant & had our daughter 10 months before I graduated with my BS degree. I was determined that it wasn't going to have any impact on my finishing my degree or my career afterward as that was my higest priority in my life. I can say that didn't help give my daughter a very good childhood even though my parents who were wonderful, were more than willing to care for her.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Rio_

But I want to take a pregnancy test to be sure and I don't know when to do it because I don't know when I can really consider my period to be "missed".

For starters, count to 28 days from the first day of your last period. This won't be exact, since every woman is different, but it will give you a ballpark number for how late you are, and then you can follow the directions of the pregnancy test for when it is effective (how many days after the period is missed, or after conception). If it comes back negative, take another test a few days later.

I do believe I got pregnant my first time with no penetration. I am very fertile (pregnant at the drop of a hat), as was my mom and my sisters.

I couldn't take birth control pills when I was in my twenties, as I was too sensitive to the hormones, but today's pills are much less strong, and I can tolerate them fine. So maybe you can find pills that don't affect your migraines. My daughter has taken birth control pills for over a year and is not yet sexually active. (Probably everyone will laugh and think I am just deluded, but I really do believe her. We are very close and talk openly about many topics including sex.) She went to the doctor to get the prescription "just to be ready." (For most of my sexually active life, I have used a diaphragm, so that is an option. Also, IUDs.)

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by sunrise

For starters, count to 28 days from the first day of your last period. This won't be exact, since every woman is different, but it will give you a ballpark number for how late you are, and then you can follow the directions of the pregnancy test for when it is effective (how many days after the period is missed, or after conception). If it comes back negative, take another test a few days later.

Thanks, sunrise. If I do it that way, then it's definitely been missed by now - last month it was on the 1st. (But I have missed three in a row before for no apparent reason.) The situation from my first post happened very close to when it was due (on December 29th)...I don't know how long these hormones take to build up, I'm worried that I wouldn't trust a negative result even following the instructions.

I do believe I got pregnant my first time with no penetration. I am very fertile (pregnant at the drop of a hat), as was my mom and my sisters.

My mum's side of the family is the same, but my dad's side find it more difficult. I'm probably more likely to take after mum on this, though.

I couldn't take birth control pills when I was in my twenties, as I was too sensitive to the hormones, but today's pills are much less strong, and I can tolerate them fine. So maybe you can find pills that don't affect your migraines. My daughter has taken birth control pills for over a year and is not yet sexually active. (Probably everyone will laugh and think I am just deluded, but I really do believe her. We are very close and talk openly about many topics including sex.) She went to the doctor to get the prescription "just to be ready."

That's good you're ok with them now. From what I've found online, the combined pill is definitely out - apparently because taking oestrogen if you get, or have ever had, migraines increases your risk of a stroke, and if you get migraines you're already more likely to stroke anyway. (So I couldn't use the contraceptive injection or patch, either.) The progesterone-only pill is ok according to most sites, but I did find one or two that said it wasn't...not sure whether to believe them, though. To be honest, I'd rather take the progesterone-only pill anyway, as it's meant to have fewer side effects.

(For most of my sexually active life, I have used a diaphragm, so that is an option. Also, IUDs.)

I don't think it is an option, unfortunately - this is possibly TMI again, but I can't get anything in there myself, and apart from a couple of times it's hurt a lot when my boyfriend has tried as well. Which is another reason I don't think I'm ready yet...

[Rio_]

Ok, my period still hasn't come and I couldn't take it any more so I took a test - negative. I know there's a chance I've messed up the test or something or it's still too early, so if it's still not come by next week I'll test again, but for now I'm so relieved! Despite the reassurance I've been getting here I've been worrying myself sick about this.

Quick question - did you happen to touch your vagina after touching him? Theres a TINY chance that this could get you pregnant, but its incredibly rare. I personally would not worry too much.

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by Rainbowzz

Quick question - did you happen to touch your vagina after touching him? Theres a TINY chance that this could get you pregnant, but its incredibly rare. I personally would not worry too much.

Thanks, Rainbowzz. Yeah, but it was in the shower and I'd already washed my hands by that point. I think - I hope! - things are ok, just wish my period would show up so I knew for certain!

[sunrise]

I'm glad your test came back negative, Rio. What a relief!

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I'm glad your test came back negative, Rio. What a relief!

Thanks, sunrise. It definitely was a relief! And I've finally had my period, too, so looks like things are ok.

[Perna]

Good job getting your period :-) LOL Too, some of its lateness could have been from the anxiety; don't you love when that happens and they feed on each other?

Playing by hand (as opposed to by ear, I know you're a musician :-) is generally not going to get you pregnant, especially if you're side-by-side and not accompanying yourself with the same hand right after, etc.

Glad everything worked out and good thought with the condoms too.

[Rio_]

Originally Posted by Perna

Good job getting your period :-) LOL Too, some of its lateness could have been from the anxiety; don't you love when that happens and they feed on each other?

Playing by hand (as opposed to by ear, I know you're a musician :-) is generally not going to get you pregnant, especially if you're side-by-side and not accompanying yourself with the same hand right after, etc.

Glad everything worked out and good thought with the condoms too.

Thanks, Perna. Yeah, I did wonder about that - I think the time a while back when I missed it for three months was either during or shortly after exams, so I probably would have been fairly stressed then.

Good to know, thanks. Mum got me worried saying that her side of the family gets pregnant really easily - I'm probably going to be the same.

Thanks! I don't think we'll be doing it any time soon - we still need to have a proper talk about it, it's only been very briefly brought up (by him) once before, and he didn't sound at all disappointed or anything when I said I wasn't ready yet. I've been looking a bit more about the pill, though, but I've been putting off getting an appointment about it because I'm still kinda worried about side effects.