[ZennZ]

He is extremely successful, complete opposite of my last boyfriend. They are like night and day. He works from home so he is on his computer 24/7. He is 31 going on 32 and I am 24. I want to go out and have fun and enjoy the fruits of his labor (No, I'm not asking him to take me on shopping sprees, but it'd be nice to have fun once in a while) and he doesn't want to do this.
All he wants to do is work... I've brought it up to him and he always says he'll get off the computer but then an issue comes up and he's on there for 12 hours at a time usually and then he'll start playing video games or something.
It's hard enough because I moved out here for him and now I just feel so alone. Any advice?

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by ZennZ

I just feel so alone. Any advice?

At 31 years old I do not see him changing his work habits any time soon - as men tend to validate themselves via the success of their job... are you two talking marriage or is this relationship a passing one where you care for each other, but know you will not marry?

[ZennZ]

He's been working like this since he was in his mid 20s
I find it admirable but I wish he would change. I don't see this is a passing relationship. It is the first relationship I have been in that has not been abusive. He is someone I'd like to marry and when he isn't working... on rare occasions and we go out and do things together, we have a blast! It just seems like work takes up 90% of his life.

[Yoda]

When I was working I worked 60, 80, 100, up to 120 hours per week. Not as much about the money (though that was nice) but I loved my job and being a critical care RN is often exciting. But I only worked crazy hours three weeks per month. At the beginning of my fourth week I worked two 12 hour shifts on the weekend and then had five to seven days off. It was fantastic and worked well for me. Perhaps he could plan in some slow days or days off.

[ZennZ]

Yeah I'll try to talk to him about that. He does LOVE his job though and has been single for some time before he met me, so his life revolved around work.
It is also hard because he owns his own business. If things don't change, I'll probably end up throwing myself into working a ton as well.

[CJR520]

You could also stay with him and end up like my parents. Dad was a workaholic and never liked to go anywhere or do anything, even our school plays, graduations, etc. He hated anything but work. No church, no nothing! Now they are very miserable old people. Maybe get serious with him and see where he sees himself later in life with children. Old age is totally miserable just staring at each other, doing nothing, having nothing to share.

[Rhapsody]

Remember this Saying....

Women marry Men hoping they will change - Men marry Women hoping they never change.

Dont be the woman that gets married thinking He is going to change... as he may NOT.

[Perna]

I would see if you can establish a "date night" or something together each week? That's what my husband and I did while we worked.

Do you work? Maybe get a couple of things of your own going (night out with the girls :-) or find another couple/family members that might entice him to hang out more. Does he have siblings or other relatives in the area? We go to my brother's or his brother's and have grown children/grandchildren (birthday party for grandson on Sunday :-)

Check how he treats his siblings/friends/parents and that's what his future is probably going to be like?

[splitimage]

My brother's been a workaholic since his twenties - he's now 54, and shows no sign of changing. Let's see two divorces 3 mistress, now he's been with the same woman for about 7 years, she's equally a workaholic, so it works for them.

Personally if he's like this in his 30's and owns his own business I think he's unlikely to change. if you decide you can live with it develop your own life outside of the relationship, be that through work, volunteering, hobbies whatever just don't stay isolated.

--splitimage