Thoughts on Feminism

How would you define a feminist? Would you call a person who actively defends the rights of women and demands complete equality a feminist? Or even just someone who isn't necessarily active but expresses their opinions or goes on an occasional rant about women's rights?

I ask because my ex (a woman) told me tonight that my feminism pisses her off. I have never in my life considered myself a feminist. I feel fairly strongly about certain issues, like how society tends to blame rape victims and domestic abuse victims for their own abuse. And on occasion, when I hear about some kind of crime or violence against a woman on the radio or the subject is brought up, I speak my opinions. Sometimes I get vocal and even angry. But I don't make it a part of my daily life. The subject hadn't even crossed my mind in weeks until my ex brought it up, and she only did so because I mentioned my interest in politics. (How the two are related eludes me.)

So ladies, what do you consider feminism to be and who do you consider to be a feminist? (I'm not asking for specific names, just the characteristics that define a feminist).

And also, is having opinions such as mine something that pisses a lot of other women off, or is my ex just one of a few? (In other words, should I tone it down and relax?)

Feminism as defined by dictionary.com:
–noun
1. the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

2. ( sometimes initial capital letter ) an organized movement for the attainment of such rights for women.

3. feminine character

Seems pretty broad to me. I would hope most women have characteristics of a feminist such as we are in many ways equal to men. Men are inherently stronger, women have a higher pain threshold (to me it is just tit for tat but obviously a woman can be president and a man can stay at home with the kids).

To me a feminist is someone that doesn't preach equality but proves equality is possible to obtain by fulfilling her own dreams.

It's wrong for someone to think a rape victim asked for it. They may put themselves in vulnerable situations but by no means does that give another the excuse to violate. People are narrow-minded.

I think this is a political issue and there are 3 topics to never bring up without getting into debates - sex, religion, and politics. haha! it's fun though!

My best friend is an extreme liberal and I am a conservative (fiscally) but we just don't get into the details of our opinions and agree to disagree. Feminist issues are the same way there are people that have a simple opinion and people with extreme opinions. It's best to stay somewhat PC unless you don't mind having people disagree with you.

To me, politics and social issues like feminism are two different things, yet they are often regarded as one. I too am conservative, but I am also somewhat of a feminist as well. There's the political side of me that has it's own beliefs, and then there is the social side which is a bit more liberal. I have many beliefs that contradict each other so I try not to let them become combined.

If that makes sense.

Only you can prevent neurotypical jerkiness!

magz88, I think you said it so eloquently: "To me a feminist is someone that doesn't preach equality but proves equality is possible to obtain by fulfilling her own dreams."

I definitely consider myself a feminist, but I absolutely do not go out and preach my views to others, unless there is something I observe or witness that is blatantly abhorrent to me and it is safe for me to do so. I'm not a bra-burner, and in appearance, I am as feminine as it gets! Blonde, blue-eyed, long hair, fashionable. I am a total girlie-girl.

For me, it's about proving that whatever a man can do, I can do too, and whatever I can do, he can do as well. I demand equality in my marriage and in my work environment and from time to time, that has definitely created challenges in my personal life.

Many folks have stated that the political and the social aspects of feminism need to be treated as separate and distinct, but I'm not sure that I agree with that statement either. Too often, politics drive our social realities (look at the middle east) and if we ignore one, then we can't really fix the other. Therefore, my feminism definitely focuses on both. But, like I said, this is my personal view and I certainly don't share it with anyone unless I'm asked.

I show my feminism in small ways, such as not adopting my husband's last name (something that caused us challenges when we were first married - he is more traditional and struggled with this, as did my family) and in accelerating my career at a rapid pace and a young age and demanding a salary equal to those of my male counterparts before accepting a job. I have also been lucky enough to work for women for the past several years, all of whom have been great mentors to me and taught me that there doesn't have to be a glass ceiling for women.

AmDaws, here's my opinion, take it for what it is. If your views (feminist or not) pissed off your ex, then maybe it wasn't really meant to be. Whether or not you consider yourself to be a feminist, if you couldn't agree on your general philosophies on life, then it probably wasn't going to be a great match over the long term. You shouldn't have to tone it down for anyone - a good match and partnership is one in which you can be open and share all of your most intimate thoughts and feelings without worrying about being judged by your partner. Although my views sometimes drive my husband crazy, his best friend is also a feminist (yes, he has a straight, feminist best friend) and that has made my life a bit easier. My husband doesn't always agree with me, but he never judges me and will always listen and try and understand where I'm coming from. If he didn't, he wouldn't be my husband. I'd rather be single than judged.

Just my thoughts...

My favorite bumper sticker: Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.

I think it says it all.

Eliza Jane...I LOVE it!!!

I think the definition of feminism can really vary. I've known some radical feminists who are truly anti-male. They think less of them and show it too. These may (I hope) be the types of feminists who piss off your ex.

Then there are the feminists who just don't hold the archaic views that women should be limited to certain positions in their private lives, at work, etc. An active feminist may try to push these views and fight inequality - both in life and community. A passive one might believe it, but not really take it up as a cause. I like to think that most people around are feminists to some degree, although in my area, I know that's sadly untrue.

I've also met a ton of women who walk the border between radical and regular feminism. And, oddly enough, a lot of them actually seem to hold some very old school values which I personally believe are counter to feminist thinking. For instance, I see a lot of women who think it's okay to beat up on their boyfriends/husbands. But the thinking behind these actions is usually that since men are stronger and in more control of their emotions, that it's okay to use them as whipping boys. Although I certainly acknowledge the physiological differences between men and women, I think of this as abuse, and it strangely seems to be based on a concept of male superiority.

Thus, it seems to me that a lot of people hold beliefs in all three categories of feminist thinking. Some radical, some regular, and some downright misogynistic. But since I personally know some men (and even women) in my area who don't believe a woman should be allowed to work, I might draw the lines on feminist thinking at a level a bit lower than most. And I like to think most men and women in this country have at least some minor feminist views.