Assault question

I was wondering if it is possible for a rape to still have some effect on me, even when it happened long ago.

I'm noticing that I'm often nervous if a man is following me. To this day, I am upset if everyone leaves and leaves the front door wide open (with me in the back of the house).

I thought I had dealt with it already....

Yes I think it's very reasonable for this to still have an affect on you. It's natural for you to be extra careful for your safety. So sorry this happened to you.

Absolutely possible. Even when we think we're over things, there are always the little things that come back every now and again.
Did this just start or has it been ongoing?
Maybe something triggered it?
Sorry you're going through this.

I read somewhere that all women are "sensitive"/aware when a man is walking behind them on the street/sidewalk, there's always a very slight feeling of threat since men are bigger/stronger and could overpower us. I would think if you have been raped, that sensitivity and possibility would stay stronger than with a woman who had not. It would be/is a little harder to chalk the feeling up as your imagination or to discredit the possibility of threat when you are alone.

It is definitely possible to have a long reaction to having been assaulted. You can also have a period of time where you do not feel the effects of it, but then have them later. That is called delayed onset. You can also have sensitivities like you mention, they can go away, and then they can come back. All of these things are possible. I'm sorry you are still feeling effects of your assault.

Note: I notice that a trigger icon was added. I'm a newbie here; I hadn't realized that the topic would be triggering, or that there was even a trigger icon. Thanks to Turquoisesea for catching that.

That (delayed onset) sounds about right. I did feel the reaction somewhat at first, when the then-boyfriend (and others) blamed me for what happened (the boyfriend, who had wanted me to sleep with him, soon dumped me).
The sensitivities were there for a while and went away. But now they're back.

I am still dealing with SA more than twenty years later. A lot of long-term reactions are based on the first response after the assault, being blamed definitely contributes to it having a lasting effect!. And the feelings can come and go...just when I think I've got a handle on it, it seems like a new, deeper level of feelings appear. It CAN get better though.

I'm glad to hear that it does get better....sometimes it seems that it won't.

Hey Gidzmo I agree with CSC - I think it will get better for you =) Don't feel alone for having something like this effect you long term - its a scary, horrible thing that happened to you and it's natural. *hugs*


also as far as the trigger icon, no worries at all, that's why I added it. It's the little red circle with an x through it (at least that's how I describe it), and generally I just add it on my posts if there's a chance someone might be triggered - I'd rather send people a warning than accidentally trigger them =) You did nothing wrong though :P

A wound can be made in an instant, but it takes much longer for it to heal and the scar to fade.

Yes, it can cause problems years later. You'll always be more anxious for your safety. But that might be a good thing.

Interestingly enough I did a test online earlier today, where you had to pick faces out of a line up, and say which ones were violent criminals, and which ones were innocent. Although overall my score was little better than chance, I did pick out all of the rapistst. I couldn't tell you how I knew, but I obviously did.

So... perhaps your increased level of awareness will keep you safe in future.

I still have nightmares, twenty years later. But for the most part I can get on with my life.

No nightmares, but sometimes a sense of not being safe. It comes and goes...

It's been nearly 30 yr since I was assaulted at 17. I only started to deal with it about 3 yr ago. I did a group for women, it really helped. I have a therapist who understands women's trauma.

Now I can see how - for my whole life - being in any situation where I was feeling completely trapped that I would shut down mentally, become furious and then distraught. For example, at work I was being bullied by a client, and my boss did not back me up. I kept melting down at work, I was furious at home. I started to have anxiety attacks in the evening. The final straw was our car getting illegally towed away while having haircuts. Whole family stranded. After that I got help and started to figure myself out!

I'm deal with little anxiety attacks all the time. I suspect I may have always had the problem; but it seems more noticeable since the attack.

I think what is happening to you is hyper-vigilance.