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Member
Member Since Oct 2011
Posts: 224
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Mar 04, 2012 at 11:49 AM
#1
My husband and I have had a few rough years; mainly because he put his friends he's known since he was 17 before his marriage/child.
When he stopped informing them of our issues and started seeing a therapist, then making vast changes including boundaries on the amount of favors and time he spent with them, they all revolted against us, stating that I was the one who changed and they only wanted what was best for him that if he stayed married to me, they could not be a part of his life any longer. Now he has no friends and they Blame me for not having him in their lives anymore. He told me that they have always been that way about him no matter if he was in a relationship or not, that they always expected to be first. Now that he chose his marriage and son as a priority he has no friends left. It feels like to me when he made changes for the better they couldn't cope. Our marriage as I said has not been easy, I'm no angel, but I'm astonished in a way that they have the nerve to blame me instead of taking responsibility about stepping away. He isn't bothered about it, he never expected them to do this to him and I can't help feel like it is my fault b/c they all hate me. Any advice? __________________ "The dog days are over." |
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2010
Location: Where the mountain meets the city
Posts: 2,193
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Mar 07, 2012 at 01:46 PM
#2
Quote:
I hear you and can relate. I struggle with this type of thing too, really caring what other think about me even if they are totally in the wrong. Of course you probably know what I am going to say - "Don't listen to them, let it go, they are the ones being total jerks who can't even for a moment look at themselves to see that they are the problem." ...But, easier said than done. I know. I wish I had better advice then just telling you to try every day to let it go. Do you see a therapist too? I have found meds and therapy to be pretty helpful in this area, as I realized my intense need to care what others think was definitely tied to my anxiety and depression. Also... try to get out with your guy and meet new people. Maybe you might find a fun activity on meetup.com. Elana 
__________________ Keep this in mind, that you are important. |
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 Justme_55
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 Justme_55
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Most Legendary Elder
Member Since Jul 2003
Location: CA
Posts: 22,211
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Mar 08, 2012 at 02:23 AM
#3
I think your husband is growing up (maturing) and his friends are not. Praise him for it.
Finding new, common friends is a very good idea. 
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Justme_55
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Grand Member
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: OK.
Posts: 507
12 149 hugs
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Mar 08, 2012 at 08:44 PM
#4
I'll bet his next friends will be more rounded and mature as SeptemberMorn said.
Sounds like frat boys to me. bj __________________ The scientists’ religious feeling takes the form of a rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that, compared with it, all the systematic thinking and acting of human beings is an utterly insignificant reflection.Albert Einstein |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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