Trapped in love

Blue Bunny · Dec 26, 2012 at 04:23 PM

I wouldn't exactly say that I'm 'trapped' but the feelings I have about this situation make me feel that way. How exactly do you cope with someone you connect with SOOOO well, but can't tell the truth or do right by you to save his life ?!?! Seriously if anyone has an answer type it in.
Here's a little background:

He's 38, 3 children between ages 5-9 under his custody, 1 teenager out of state, youngest children 1 girl 1boy living with their mothers

Me I'm 23, no children at all

Little more background:

This is our SECOND time trying to make it work out between us. The first time I stepped in and handled the housework, handled all 3 kids, etc...Why it ended??? He was lying to me AND his youngest daughter's mother with the intent to deal with both of us at the same time. Long story short I went about handling that like a mature adult and bring the situation to light and make some changes. In other words, we BOTH know what you're doing, we BOTH obviously want to be with you so you need to make a decision. Decision made??? It was made by me because she couldn't resist making it a situation between me and her when HE was the one lying. After a scuffle I left because I will NEVER fight over a man.

OK fast forward about 6 months, after CONSTANT requests, suggestions and so on of talking, going to have dinner I gave in and heard what he had to say. NEVER forgetting what happened and not sweeping it under the rug we discussed pretty much everything as a whole and we've come back together.

RED FLAG:: Christmas day after I spent time with him and the kids(breakfast, presents), him his mother and the kids(watching tv, eating, talking), in between cleaning cooking etc. Kids mother came over...couple of his friends came over....I went to my family gathering to hand out presents and spend time.....come back....house cleared out (kids mother and his friends finally leave) and I was intending on coming out my clothes to showcase my christmas undergarments BUT he's too tired.

OK I addressed the issue I had (everyone else had significant time except me, or rather alone time) and went to sleep with tears in eyes. It just so happened that early in the morning he left his phone____Now I didn't plan on it at all but I figured I'd see if it was another reason why he was tired. Lo and behold he was basically BEGGING his youngest daughter's mother to come and...get this....spend time with HER. I wish someone could read this quick enough because I need sound solid advice like right now ! Should I cut him off and be done with the WHOLE THING like before because its like deja vu ??? Should I try to talk it out because MAYBE he's trying to improve communication with his child's mother?????

I just don't know

Dec 26, 2012 at 06:16 PM

I think you do know the answer ... It's just that your head hasn't told your heart yet.

It's never easy cutting ties with people we love and care about, but sometimes it's vital to our emotional and physical wellbeing.

Just because we love or care about somebody doesn't mean they are necessarily good for us to be around.

Good Luck & Best Wishes ... Take care of yourself and stay resolute.

Pfrog

shortandcute · Dec 29, 2012 at 01:49 PM

I think you need to move on.

Doingmybest · Dec 29, 2012 at 03:18 PM

Blue Bunny,
I can't tell you what to do but it seems like he still has feelings for this other woman. only you know what you can and will put up with. I suggest you do what is going to make you happy. Confront him, is this relationship worth saving? If it's not move on...you are still so young and will find someone else. However, I know moving on is easier said than done. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

kitty004567 · Dec 30, 2012 at 02:02 AM

So Blue Bunny, what did you end up doing?

Blue Bunny · Jan 03, 2013 at 04:37 PM

Thanks everyone who replied !!!!---Kitty I talked it out. It doesn't end there though, other things have happened that left me feeling like I should've been left him. At the same time, we're in a good place as far as communication and so on BUT his daughter's mother is filled with rage, jealousy I don't know maybe even envy. He says it'll pass over and I should just be patient because I'm more concerned about his daughter being used as a pawn more than anything else. On top of that the girls just INSISTS on fighting me (as if that's going to change anything) so I'm just enjoying our time together for now BUT eventually I'm going to leave him because it's become MUCH bigger than just trying to keep the relationship. It's about children, households and etc. I'm not that kind of person and in the beginning did not know I was stepping on any toes because he told me otherwise and I had to connect the dots myself. One of the many reasons why I'm Blue Bunny

kitty004567 · Jan 05, 2013 at 07:42 PM

Blue Bunny, I'm glad you and him are in a better place communication wise. I'm sorry it looks like the end for your relationship, I know that's hard. Good luck and stay safe.

Ysana · Jan 27, 2013 at 04:41 AM

I wish I had seen this site 6.5 years ago... I would be where I am now... I need the strength to break from a relationship which is going nowhere... and worse... I know now it was never going to go anywhere... yet I have still strong feelings for him... Im so confused... hurt and depressed... Im angry at myself for being so stupid and gullible ... I am the donkey that will never get the carrot ... there is no carrot... just a false illusion.

hamster-bamster · Feb 01, 2013 at 10:08 PM

You should not be doing so much in the first place. He is much older, with many kids, etc. etc., he has given you household responsibilities that you do not need to have, it is too much work. There is no balance of power in the relationship - all the work is on your shoulders. It is unfair to you.

You are not desperate. Do not act desperate then. There is too much drama, the kids are demanding or whatever it is that they are doing to you - why do you need all that?

Is it possible for you to move out and have a dating relationship with him instead? Why do you step in and help older men with household duties and child rearing? It is OK to date older men, no problem, but they should be able to make their own money, raise their own children, do their own laundry, and so on and so forth. And, deal with their children's mothers in such a way as to contain the rage and jealousy of said mothers so they do not spill onto the relationship with YOU.

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shortandcute Grand Magnate Member Since Aug 2011 Location: Washington State, U.S.A. Posts: 3,169 13 2,427 hugs given	Dec 29, 2012 at 01:49 PM #3 I think you need to move on. __________________ "Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can see the top." -Wildflower http://missracgel.wixsite.com/bearhugs
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kitty004567 Grand Member Member Since Oct 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 697 14 105 hugs given	Dec 30, 2012 at 02:02 AM #5 So Blue Bunny, what did you end up doing? __________________
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kitty004567 Grand Member Member Since Oct 2010 Location: Texas Posts: 697 14 105 hugs given	Jan 05, 2013 at 07:42 PM #7 Blue Bunny, I'm glad you and him are in a better place communication wise. I'm sorry it looks like the end for your relationship, I know that's hard. Good luck and stay safe. __________________
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