I might have vaginismus? Scared.

I am nervous about posting this, so please bear with me. Ok, I have had an infection "down there" for months and months now, maybe even a year. I have lost track of time. I have let it go on for so long. I have a huge phobia of the doctor looking down there. Even the thought of going to the doctor to get checked down there causes me to sweat, shake, and break down crying. I avoid the ob-gyn at all costs. I have never seen one before. I also have such a bad fear of pain that I can't get a tampon in, I can't get my finger in, not even the tiniest thing can be inserted in there. My body gets so tense that it shakes. I can't even try to pleasure myself. I think I have vaginismus. I tried telling my mom about the vaginismus, but she said "ohh, everybody gets nervous at the ob-gyn. Oh, that problem happens to everyone." My mom doesn't understand at all. I got frustrated and started crying. I don't know what to do. Do I tell my regular doctor about the possible vaginismus? Do I tell my therapist, my psychiatrist? I am so lost. I have no support for this problem. I feel so hopeless, that this fear and problem will never be overcome. Who diagnoses this?? Please help

Normally it would be your regular doctor who would help you with this - looking at the infection and other issues. If you are struggling with it and are able to though I would also try talking to your therapist about it. They might be able to help you with some techniques to make seeing your doctor a bit easier.

I definitely know how it feels to be nervous with people down there but it is possible to manage Please consider getting things checked, especially if you have an infection because that can cause long-term damage.

Does it actually hurt when you touch down there, or are you just afraid that it might?

@ickydog2006 - It doesn't hurt when I touch the outer parts, but as soon as I try to insert anything into my vagina, it hurts like hell. I am very afraid that putting anything into there will hurt.

@Mazing - Thank you for the advice. I will talk to my therapist about it. I am too scared to go to my doctor

I would definitely go to the doctor's, especially if you have an infection. They might be able to help you with your vaginismus, too. I've heard of women using dilators to slowly stretch the vagina out. I also would talk to your therapist about it because right now you're caught in a very vicious cycle. You get anxious about it hurting so you tighten up, which causes it to hurt more, so the next time you get even more anxious and tighten up even more and it hurts even more. I think a T, possibly a sex therapist, will be able to help you think of ways to relax and become less anxious.

You're not alone out there.

Take care

No, she is wrong. Not everybody gets it, far not everybody. It is a serious problem.

If you are scared to go to the doctor, would you be willing to go to your local Planned Parenthood clinic? I am sure that they have seen a whole spectrum of problems in their practice, including yours.

i have the same problem which i do have. i had an infection down there and got it treated years ago. i was put on suppositories for my vaginimus and nothing happen. i see a therapist only for personal issues not for sexual issues which i dont think she is trained for.

for me, i have no job and no money. i have food stamps which the state doesnt even pay for a woman's well exam or sex therapist nor will planned parenthood will cover it. everything with state insurance is out of pocket just about everything. its like why have state insurance and most things u gotta pay out of pocket? does it matter if u have state insurance or not?

planned parenthood cant seem to help cuz they want women with no income or low income. i have zero income but wont see me unless i pay for something i was referred to go to clinics for sliding fee scale which again u still gotta pay for that out of pocket.

Ok, today, I told my therapist that I think I have vaginismus, and she said that I can only get a diagnosis from my psychiatrist, maybe because it is in the DSM? I'm not sure why. So, I am going to tell my psychiatrist. Then I will see if maybe I can get help for it.

Sex is very painful for me for a variety of reasons. At one time I did have an infection that went undetected for awhile because I had a yeast infection as well as the other. It's common for it to hurt a little, but you aren't going to know why without going to a doctor and them checking it out. It could be something easy to fix. I would encourage you to work in therapy on getting to the point of having a doc take a look. It could be infection, could be your hymen isn't broken or is barely broken, could be tightness, lack of lubrication, and many other things. For me, I've been to several docs and none of them will put a diagnosis on it, but they can identify where it hurts when I tell them and there is no visible reason for it and swabs show nothing wrong. I've learned relaxation techniques in therapy but the most helpful thing has actually been **** desensitization cream. But I recommend not going that route before discussing it with a doc and finding out if there are easy answers.

Have you considered zanax or something to take the nervous edge off. That's what I have to do to got to the dentist. I'd rather go to the female dr then the dentist.

ok, I will talk to my pdoc and if she doesn't diagnose it, I will think about going to the doctor. I will ask if they do heavy sedation. If not, then I can't go to the doctor. Today, I called my regular doctor, and asked if they should refer me to an ob-gyn. They haven't called me back with an answer, but even calling caused so much anxiety that I was sweating, shaking, heart racing. If they do refer me to an ob-gyn, I will ask for heavy sedation. I'm not sure if they offer that, but I will see. I also have to see what my pdoc says about this vaginismus stuff. Even before the infection, I could never get anything up there. So, I will talk to my pdoc about other possible causes and see what she diagnoses me as or tells me to do. Maybe I should talk to my pdoc before my regular doctor again.

@Big Mama - I have xanax, but .5mg will do nothing for an ob-gyn appointment if I need one. I might need 1mg or even 1.5 mg, but I'm not sure if my pdoc would let me go that high.

Mine are .5 and it does nothing. For the dentist it needs to be atleast 1.5 and someone else driveing the car.

If you ask about heavy sedation explain why you feel it is necessary. Ask for the doctor who has the most experience w/ a situation like yours. Some of the doctors do have experience w/ CSA and rape survivors. Other doctors are just not good at dealing w/ that. Would a female dr make a difference. I would rather only have a female dr down there.

I'n not to sure what the condition is that you have. Guess I'm nieve. Can or will your reg dr prescribe you something w/ out checking since checking gives you such issues. My family dr knows I have a terrible thing for strep tests and I can visit and tell him, we had a kid at day care w/ strep, I think I have it, but please don't check for it, just give me the antibiotics to treat it please. They will only because I am in tears and shaking and having a very difficult time. If I do have it antibiotics is all it will take. If I don't have it then a course of unnecessary antibiotics is not the worst thing in the world.

Ok, I will definitely explain why heavy sedation is necessary. I will talk to my pdoc about allowing me to take more xanax at a time, and if she says no, then I will ask the ob-gyn what they can do for sedation. Before I ask for sedation of any sort, I think your idea is great, maybe the reg doc can just prescribe me something without looking. When I was a baby / todler, I was sexually abused. I have no memory of that though. I will explain the situation to my doctors. Thanks for the advice!

My concern about "heavy sedation" is that it could make you feel like you are not in control of the situation which would make it even scarier. I'm not saying it is a bad idea, but definitely talk it over with your doctors/therapist.

My other thought is that you could request a "no touching" appt with the GYN first. You could meet in his or her office instead of an examining room and get a sense of whether this is a compassionate doc and get some preliminary questions answered.

Good luck. It sounds like a difficult spot to be in.

EJ

Agreed heavy sedation may not be a great idea, xanax , enough to knock the nervous edge way off might help.

Good idea a preliminary visit.

oh this must be horrible for you

i can relate on the anxiety caused by having to go to an ob-gyn. i have had a couple infections but i self-medicated and thankfully i didn't need to go to the doctor. however, in your case, i do recommend seeking professional help.

because i didn't know what exactly vaginismus was, i looked it up (haha on me) and a psychiatrist would be able to help you get through the emotional pain, and possibly even help you learn how to work through the physical pain that the disorder can cause. as for your actual doctor, if you have an infection then you might be able to get it cleared up with oral medicine.

i don't think your mom understood what you were talking about if you told her outright that you thought you had vaginismus. she probably confused it with vaginitis, which is an infection. vaginitis is a common occurrence among women, but vaginismus is a sexual disorder. more info can be found here: http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment

like i said, the actual infection may be cleared up with oral medication, which would be best in your case. unfortunately i don't think an ob-gyn will do sedation for a routine examination, which is what situations like this (minus the vaginismus) would normally call for. the only thing i think they might need to do is check your vaginal pH levels to get a grasp of what kind of infection it would be, and that, unfortunately, would require an examination down there.

i agree with taking something to relax you before visiting the ob-gyn. your psychiatrist should be able to prescribe it for you.

also, i agree with testing out the ob-gyn and talking to him/her before an actual exam. in your case, it would definitely be best to have a female doctor so that you are a little less frightened.

i really hope that you can get help soon, and that the website i linked to is informative and helpful to you. good luck!

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I went to my psychiatrist yesterday and she diagnosed me with vaginismus. I feel trapped,m as though heavy sedation is the only way to go, otherwise, the ob-gyn won't be able to do anything :/ I did make an appointment with an ob-gyn. They said that might offer sedation there, so I am hoping that they will. My first appointment is this friday, but they are only going to talk to me first. My heart was racing just from calling the doctor office.

i'm so glad you were able to get something done, though. if it makes you feel better, maybe you can write what you're feeling down and take it to your ob-gyn for her to read so that you won't be so nervous having to talk about it. that helps me a lot

i hope things continue to get better.

I really dont like that vaginismus site. They act like it's always such a curable thing and basically act like cases where there is not tightening don't exist. Yes, if the pain is due to tightness that can usually be fixed with therapy and dilation, but many women, including myself, are diagnosed with this purely due to pain during intercourse for no detectable reason.