LLETZ (Warning: sensitive topic, fear of the big C)

Sorry but I need a place to let go some worries and fears Before Christmas I had my smear. Early because my mother had cervical cancer a little younger than I am now and I was told my chances were higher for getting it because of that.

My test came back with moderate abnormalities and I was referred for a colposcopy. Needless to say I did my research and finding out that this meant I only had a moderate amount of pre-cancerous cells and breathed a sigh of relief...and then breathed more when I found out it generally takes years to get to the next stage and even more time to get to the final stage of the big C! So not a worry in my head I go to my colposcopy and the results are inconclusive, they can find...NOTHING! So I have to go back three months later and this time they take a sample as they find something... That was a month ago. I got my results in the post today.

In a matter of less than half a year I've gone from being moderate to high grade. And i'm consequently booked in for a large loop excision a week saturday and I'm now terrified out of my gourd and afraid to show it because if I do then I'm going to break down and I'm in the middle of trying to finish my final year of my undergraduate degree...This is the time I'm supposed to be writing my dissertation...that's gone out the window, add in my other medical problems which cause me no small amount of chronic pain, the high levels of depression, anxiety and panic I have generally and... I'm fighting very hard not to become a wibbling bag of jelly right now!

I'm sorry about your news. I suspect when the doc got some cells, he got them from a section that wasn't as advanced. Then the next time, he got them from an area more advanced. As you say, I also find it hard to believe that they would get more advanced over that short period of time.

I assume they will be able to get the bad cells out. I know you are worried and afraid for the future, but as long as things haven't gotten into other organs, you have a very good chance of being around for many years.

I know it will be hard to do, but try to concentrate on other things, such as school. Worrying won't help and will make your life more miserable.

Is there a counselor the doctor can recommend to give you support?

((Calypso))

I am very sorry that you're in such pain and distress. I know that it isn't easy news to get while you're trying to get through school. Kind of came like a slap in the face! Scary...I am sure.

I don't have an educated opinion on when the pre-cancerous cells popped up. As long as those cells are still pre-cancerous, that is wonderful and there are less intensive medical treatment options. You are in my thoughts ~ I hope that the excision of the cluster of cells goes nice and smoothly for you next week.

I don't know if it helps you feel any better, but I had the same procedure done many years ago. It was physically uncomfortable, and quite painful at times. My husband was there throughout and held my hand, distracting me from paying any attention to what the doctors were doing below. That helped me a lot emotionally. I would recommend bringing someone with you, to do the same thing, if you can. The more relaxed your body stays, the easier it is for doctors to get it all. Breathe deeply, and slowly. Relax... Think pleasant thoughts... it will be over soon!

From there, tests are done quarterly for one year. As long as those tests come back "normal", tests move to bi-annual for another year, if still "normal" then go back to annual from that point.

Very gentle and warm hugs to you, Calypso.

Thanks Ladies

Yeah i'm trying to distract myself with studies and it seems to be working fairly well because now i'm frustrated by my lack of study progress lol. Well whatever works, and for me I think taking my OH, much as I love him dearly would be a big mistake! He's not good around hospitals or procedures and knowing him he'd likely faint or get put off THAT for a long time :P I had considered asking him to come with me and I know he would despite his own fears but he'd be so tense and nervous he'd make ME tense and nervous!

Love the man to bits but he just can't handle this kind of stuff!

And my durn body had to go and give me my flo visit too! just hope that's gone before the appointment as I really don't want to have to rebook it

And thanks heaps Payne, that's actually kind of reassuring that you're thinking the same as me! I think they might have just gotten from a different area which would explain why it's now high grade. But I was clear during my last smear which was three years ago, so that means a grade a year!

Sheesh am I glad I don't skip them or this time next year would have been a whole nother story . I can cope with the constant check ups afterwards if it means they catch it if it comes back! As uncomfortable and painful as a normal smear is it's nothing compared to the agony of waiting and not knowing!

I'm feeling more relaxed about it now. I know there's going to be pain but with how much medication I take....LOL i'll just make sure i'm all drugged up before hand :P And that should help me stay relaxed!

Thanks for the advice ladies and kind words I'll let you know how it goes.

thinking of you x

Well i've had the LLETZ and got the results back. They managed to get all the pre cancerous cells but I have to be checked every 6 months now because it turns out I have HPV. Which is what helped the cells multiply apparently.

So 6 monthly checks till that clears up to make sure it doesn't do it again.

great to hear they got them all, that must be a big relief. bummer that you jave HPV, lets hope it clears up without further problems x