Birth Control + condoms

Hi all,

Despite being in my mid 20's I'm relatively new to the whole sex thing. I've recently started dating someone, and so thought it would be a good idea to go on birth control. The other night we were um, "fooling around," and tried having sex. It kind of worked (I won't go into details), but my bf said that he's had trouble with condoms in the past, and that him and his long-term gf just used the pill as an oral contraceptive.

I know that we should probably use condoms anyhow as birth control doesn't protect against STI's etc, but I guess I was just looking for any opinions/knowledge on how effective using just the pill is against becoming pregnant? Also, is it a huge deal if we don't use condoms? When I saw my family doc last week she went on this huge rant about STI's and how I should get vaccinated for HPV, and how even if guys get tested they can't necessarily detect if they're a carrier for things... but is that just her trying to scare me? I trust my GP, but am looking for other people's opinions ...

Thanks!
Jacq

Trust your GP. Please!!

The guy's BS about condom difficulties should not be condoned. The condom market is full of alternatives and it is his responsibility to try different condoms until he finds the ones that he likes.

The Pill is a very effective oral contraceptive, though. But it should be backed by condoms to reach a virtually foolproof contraception solution, plus, only condoms protect against diseases.

Your GP is not being insistent enough, in my opinion, about the HPV vaccine. Since you are already in your mid-twenties, you should run, not walk, but run, to get vaccinated.

In his defense he wasn't saying that he didn't want to use them per say .. we tried it, and it just came up is all. He also said that if I wasn't comfortable not using them that it was fine ... I was just hoping to generate some discussion on here about it... I appreciate your opinion though, it's helpful!!!

What you are saying in his defense does not work to defend him, because he is placing responsibility on you - he is talking about your being or not being comfortable and almost excusing you by saying that it "is fine". Condoms are non-optional and non-negotiable, and any attempt to negotiate the use or non-use of condoms is BS. Nor it is a matter of his wanting or not wanting to use them - that language of "wanting/not wanting" makes it appear that the issue is optional, whereas it is not.

That you can look up on the web. I think that the Pill is about 99% effective, but you should double check. You can also ask the GP to give you the statistic you are looking for.

I must say that given that the HPV vaccine has been available for years, it is really weird that your GP has not yet vaccinated you. You should have been vaccinated years ago.

My husband I always use two forms of birth control. Until we were married, it was using the pill, taking it at the same time every day (this is extremely important) and condoms. After the wedding, I stayed on birth control pills, but we switch between condoms and pull-out, mostly because I'm less concerned about getting pregnant. We still use two because we know right now wouldn't be a good time to have a kid, but if we did have one, the world wouldn't end. At the same time, my husband has been repeatedly tested, has only been with one other girl besides me, and I've only been with him. I completely trust him, know his background, and am not worried about STIs.

Personally, I agree with Hamster. Condoms are non-negotiable in the dating stage. Physically, a little discomfort or loss of sensation is nothing to complain about compared with child birth. I also agree that you should get the HPV vaccine. Just remember, this is your body and you have to deal with the consequences, whereas he can just up and leave (not saying he would, but it could and does happen).

And since I just looked this up for another thread and still have it open.. here's a birth control chart at Planned Parenthood:
Birth Control Chart

I use the injectable AND a condom, EVERYTIME! and I don't even menstruate...Not because I'm worried my bf is fooling around, I've known him since we were kids and trust him, but its always better to be safe than sorry. I learned that lesson the hard way... Fell pregnant at 19 through the pill. Yes I took it diligently, 8pm every night, no I wasn't on any antibiotics. Apparantly the pill doesn't work in my family and my older sisters failed to mention this "minor" detail to me, until AFTER I announced I was pregnant

So my advice is obvious, use 2 forms UNLESS you don't mind an unexpected baby or a STI or 2...

Btw, HUGE condom market, shop around, I am very finicky about condom types as I'm sensitive, but personally prefer the "skin-feel" ones and studded variations from Durex.

Thanks all, this was very helpful!!

Thanks trippin that does remind me, that condoms are no longer just for STD and pregnancy prevention. Studs, ticklers, warming, numbing, ex small, extra large, what ever the sky is the limit and have some fun while you are at it. I have 3 kids. One was concieved while on birth control for simply no reason. I took them faithfully, was not on antibiotics or anything. God decided my first child needed a little borther I guess. Definiately use 2 forms of protection. Never ever stray from condoms until you are married and have been for quite some time. After marriage , testing, and retesting later if all is clear then maybe use one form. Not all STD's show up, they can lie dormant for a bit before reaching the point of being able to be picked up by blood test.

No condom, no sex.

Honestly, I take the pill and my boyfriend and I do not use condoms and we are both perfectly comfortable with that and we have never had any problems - I take it every night at exactly the same time and never forget. That being said, we have been together for more than 3 years and get tested for STIs annually. Since you guys haven't been together long and you don't know his complete sexual history, I would strongly recommend that you stick with condoms and the pill together.

hamster the HPV vaccine has age limits you cant get it after 27 yo i think. I think if you aren't tested regularly for STD it is in both of the parties best interest to use a condom as well, like big mama said they can enhance the feeling quite alot, what an improvement from the olden days, lol when the were just thick dry latex. I have heard that i cant wear a condom story so many times I think they take an on line class to get the message down good. OHH honey I cant feel anything! but I love you I will pull out. If you feel he needs to wear one then a good heart to heart discussion is in order even though I hate those talks. Good Luck

Sure, which is why I wondered why the GP dragged her feet.

From CDC:

Which girls/women should receive HPV vaccination?
HPV vaccination is recommended with either vaccine for 11 and 12 year-old girls. It is also recommended for girls and women age 13 through 26 years of age who have not yet been vaccinated or completed the vaccine series; HPV vaccine can also be given to girls beginning at age 9 years.

I'm pretty much seconding what has already been said. Use two forms of birth control, making sure that one is a barrier like a condom. Some guys do have trouble with them. Invest a bit of money into experimenting with various options. Finding the right one can be fun. I would definitely insist, though.

I would also highly recommend getting the HPV vaccine. Most of the arguments against it come from religious groups pushing abstinence. If you're going to have sex then it really can protect you. They have only fully tested the vaccine on people up to age 26, which is why they can't yet recommend it for older patients. There is no indication that it would be any less effective or safe after age 26 though. If you can get it before 27, do. If you're over 26, I would suggest getting it anyways unless your medical history suggests it would be unsafe for some personal reason.

Life is a Dream.

Make yourself better than what you are.

She isn't trying to scare you, she's giving you some facts, the vaccine protects you from certain viruses that causes types of cancer, men can be carriers and give it to you, from their past sexual relationships. It is not effective once you've already had sex that's why they advice it to young girls before they become sexually active

The pills takes a while to be effective so use a condom until then, read instructions and follow them well ie. what to do when you miss a dose, what to do during sugar pill week

A partner can have something but not physically show it at the moment, he can have exacerbations and remissions and still pass it on. Did both of you get tested for the whole panel? It's tough thing about relationships especially at first, making sure he is monogamous. Some Infections can be treated, but there are no cures for viruses; herpes HIV. use KY jelly, not lotion just make sure you protect yourself, otherwise enjoy.

Hello,

I have dated my boyfriend for over two years now. I take my birth control religiously. However, if we plan on having sex, then there is no question, he uses a condom. My boyfriend knows how I feel about this this issue and respects how I feel. He know that I will not have sex with if he does not use a condom. Be honest with your boyfriend and tell him your feelings. You should talk with your boyfriend openly and honesty about things like this.

I have had a few pretty long term boyfriends, and each time we started out using condoms. I have been on the pill for almost 5 years now. I trust that it works very well with my body (from this long term experience). So before really knowing the other's sexual history we definitely used condoms, then if we both got tested and felt comfortable we would just use the pill.

I enjoyed it more that way, as did he. I had zero pregnancy scares and had a healthy relationship with the more recent ex for two years. Now that I am single, though, I definitely do not have sex without condoms.