What's the worst part about being single? How do you cope being alone.

Honestly, I like being single. I've been in two very long term relationships, and I've been living single for 10 years. I prefer being single at this point. About the only time I miss having a partner is for physical intimacy.

Sleeping alone - I have dogs, so I don't actually sleep alone. I'm not a snuggler, and I like my space, so that doesn't bother me.

Eating alone - I tend to read when I eat. If I cook, I make enough for two or three servings and freeze for later. I've also gotten good at making single serving meals. I eat healthy frozen meals or I will eat a large lunch at work and have something small for dinner. My evenings are very busy, so I'm often eating on the run anyway.

Not having someone to come home to - again, I have dogs that always greet me. But, I kind of enjoy coming home from the office and not having anyone around. It's my time to decompress from having to be around people all day. I also plan things in the evenings, so I spend time around people when I need it.

lack of affection - I'm not generally a physical person so this isn't a huge thing for me. I will cuddle with the dogs.

Oh how wonderful living alone is........I was married (still am actually cause I haven't finished getting the divorce)for 33 years of living under the same roof....the last 13 years we lived in separate wings of the house. I could never trust asking him a question I getting an honest answer & it cost me a lot....but it was hard living together & not feeling it was necessary to ask for the information he was supposedly handling.....I decided that since I couldn't trust him....I needed to GET OUT....so when my mother died, I took my inheritance & moved 2100 miles away & bought a 10 acre farm I had always wanted.

First thing I did when I bought my lawn tractor was take it apart...install the mulcher & put it back together (& IT WORKED!!!!!). Most things I'm ok at fixing myself....I repared a water pipe in the basement so I the front water faucet worked. I have a list of fix it things I still have to do including replacing all the wood around the windows I had replaced when I first moved into the house & stain the wood....& the back water faucet now needs repaired & I have a shut off valve to install inside the basement....I have all the needed parts...I just have to get organized & get it done.

A few years ago when I fractured my back from a bale off a horse I was riding.....it was a true test of whether I could take care of myself of not....I managed....but I also had some really wonderful friends that helped me out.....& I do have some wonderful friends who have helped me clean out the garage which I hadn't been able to do when I fractured my back either. The garage door broke & it was something I couldn't fix....I fixed the roller, but the other part actually pulled out of the wall & there was no way I could fix that. There are some other things that I can't fix, but don't have money to pay to have it done...so it just stays unfixed until I can ever get to the point where it can finally be done.

As for having someone around to talk to or come home to....all it ever was was fighting....so the peace is the most wonderful environment I could ever ask for.

I have 3 eskie dogs now (lost 2 since last Thanksgiving & that was really hard on me emotionally)...but 2 of them sleep in my bed & Tawny is my snuggler....she curls up right next to me & sometimes even on top of my head or at least wraps her paws around my neck (while I"m trying to sleep).....but I love my babies....they are the best company I would ever want.

I have finally been able to recover all the values that I had to end up changing to keep the fighting from being even worse than the things I wouldn't compromise on.....

I can finally eat foods that I like & cook with seasoning that I like.

There honestly isn't anything that isn't a plus on living alone after the horrible marriage that I had.....but he was such a nice guy...no one saw what it was like having to deal with him behind the closed doors....he was an idiot & when I was really sick, he had no capability of caring for family even though I had gone over how to handle finances over & over & thought he had really got it when I finally got us bailed out of the first level of debt his spending philosophy got us into.

Since I left him.....he had messed up my inheritance taxes & the IRS came after us & he never told me about it until 10 months later when I got the letter after having the mail forwarded to my farm......then just 2 years ago, he quit paying the property taxes, then last year he quit paying the house payment......maybe that was for the good because I can't get any credit because of that....I was still & am still on the house even with the loan modification he's getting.

He was a looser like that from before we were married....I mean...his parents gave us the money to pay off his credit card for our wedding present......& he turned around & maxed it out right after getting married.....got sick & tired of fighting him on every aspect of life....I ended up hiding in getting my degree & then in my engineering career.......after 33 years of living like that, living alone feels like heaven in comparison.....& there isn't anything about that married life that I miss....NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!

Have to laugh also....I bought a Dodge 1500 quad cab truck also when I moved here....I am a small 5'1" woman....& all the guys LOVE my truck & kid me about being too small for such a large truck....got news for them....I can haul around in that truck better than they could ever imagine.....along with the fact I learned how to haul & get around with my horse trailer....just takes practice & watch out....get out of my way!!!!!!

((((Deborah))))Just want to say I can relate completely, but I don't want to post anything much publicly on it.

To each her own--- those who are okay with it, and those who are not. Each for her own reasons. If one is happy with it, one should not think others should be as well.

Bottom line is "I don't" (cope well)....

Yeah, I guess I don't cope well either since I don't have alot of friends and family is about 500 miles away. I talk to a neighbor about it, and he can only say he's not looking for any relationship, he doesn't care, it doesn't bother him to see couples.

I say, well good for you, to each his own. He doesn't have any ambition in life anyways or cares about doing anything with himself. The minute I say something about it, he acts like he doesn't want to hear it.

I mean he acts as if I'm the weird one because I want to settle down with someone. What's so wrong about wanting to find a partner.

I think it's easier for people who've been in a relationship before that ended to enjoy being single, as you actually know what you're missing (or really what you're NOT missing). I think it's a lot more difficult for someone who's never gotten to experience something that's part of...well, the human experience.

And, if you've been in relationships before, staying single is YOUR choice and you have the power over the situation. If you haven't been a relationship, it doesn't feel like you can be, so you feel powerless and feel like it isn't your choice.

I suppose not many can relate as it seems that many people have some sort of experience with relationships at a fairly young age.

I think I would enjoy being single too if I knew that I wasn't missing anything and relationships weren't worth pursuing. And especially if it were my choice and not because no one wants me. That's why I'm single—there's no one who would date me and I don't blame them.

This (at least for me) doesn't have to do with needing a man to do the "man's jobs"...hell, I'm interested in both genders so there wouldn't necessarily even be a man. It's more that I feel like less of a person because since I'm always rejected, it's as though I don't deserve it. And that I'm powerless...I'm not choosing to be single, I just have no other choice.

I really don't expect others to understand this, but I felt like I needed to explain further.

To me, it's a normal response when someone says that they're happy being single now because they were in a bad marriage or relationship. I. Am. The.End., why do you think no one would want to date you if you don't mind me asking?

Sometimes I look down on myself and think that nobody would want to be with me, but I know I have alot to offer the right person, and I'm not turning my hair pink, purple, green, whatever to attract someone. I meant that sarcastically, because I'm sick and tired of seeing women with multicolored hair and think how they found someone. I don't mean to offend anyone, trying to make sense of it.

I feel like just being me, plain old Deborah, isn't enough. I'd like to get the men's opinion on what makes you attracted to that. Thanks

Because I don't have anything to offer the right person.

I actually have brightly colored hair—bright fire red hair actually, so maybe that's not quite the same as pink, purple, etc., but before I dyed my hair, I was considered ugly. People made fun of my hair. After I dyed it bright red, everyone complements my hair and remembers who I am. I'm finally memorable and less of an eyesore. It's a nice thing to imagine that people are NOT that effected by looks, but unfortunately, it's not true. Maybe it's also the confidence that comes from knowing that I finally have something that is attractive about me and is memorable. Something that will cause random people on the street compliment my looks or be able to recognize me from somewhere else. I don't disappear anymore.

I don't think everyone should have/need bright colored hair...if you actually have something substantial to offer someone, and it's not something that you like, then you don't need it.

But for other people, simply changing the color of their hair can make them go from ugly and laughable to pretty and memorable. And that's more than I had.

I agree---plain ol' me should be good enough. I've stopped coloring my hair, trying to hide the gray. Let it show. Tired of hearing "how to look younger" in our culture.

Yeah, to each his/her own.....Want to find a partner, that's okay. Don't want to, that's okay too.

I wasn't referring to someone just coloring their hair red or brown or whatever, I mean I've seen half blue, purple, pink, orange streaks all in their hair. No kidding here. Is that the new normal these days?

Deb,

Do you feed your cat any dry food?

Yeah, dry food only, I don't think he likes can food.

Dry food is harmful and can lead to diabetes, kidney disease, and shorter life span. You need to feed protein-rich, grain-free wet food.

The reason I asked: I have three cats and they all greet me when I come home from work and in the morning when I get up! Well, I give them wet food on schedule - 3 oz per cat in the morning and 3 oz per cat at night, so there is never any leftover. That guarantees that they greet me!

Since you are feeding dry food, your cat does not greet you - your cat has 24/7 access to food, probably.

So for both of these reasons - to bond with your cat better and to improve the cat's health and longevity prospects, switch to wet food. It is entirely possible - one of my cats (they all were fosters originally) ate only junk dry food because his previous owner thought that it was impossible to change the cat's habits. The volunteers at the cat rescue agency explained to me that the junk dry food was like feeding pringles to adults every day.

So... eventually he started eating high quality wet food (as he had no other options)... and lost 8 pounds and is now normal weight (he arrived weighing 20 lbs).

My cat is almost 8 years old, I've had him since he was 4 months old, and have been feeding him dry cat food ever since day one and he's as healthy as ever, he still has alot of energy. I tried a can of wet can food, and he went over to it, and didn't like it.

The lady I adopted him from said he cannot have milk, which I never gave him. I just buy whatever is on sale or what I have a coupon for, cat food is not cheap, I usually have a coupon for Meow Mix or 9 lives. Thanks for the advice though.

Milk should not be given to cats because they are lactose intolerant - it is a completely different issue.

If so, I'd think it would be for teenagers. I think they can "get away" with it.

Lizard, I remember a post in some social group where you said you MISS your husband. If he was abusive, how can you miss him? And no, I'd never be able to find that post. It was awhile ago, and I don't remember what group it was in.

Just out of curiosity, why did you change the topic asking about my cat on this thread?

Because you reported feeling lonely. And yet you have a cat. Usually, people who have pets do not report being as lonely as single people who do not have pets. Pets are very important to humans, and even hospitals bring pets to cheer up their patients, as do hospices and senior housing establishments (and, they have been doing it for years, so it is not a new trend, and, therefore, I assumed that it would be common knowledge).

Since it was strange that you reported being as lonely as you did, and yet, you have a cat, I assumed that, perhaps, you feed your cat dry food, and, therefore, you have no ritual of breakfast and supper for the cat, and, instead, you just supply the dry pellets and the cat has access to them 24/7, and there is no ritual and no special time.

So I suggested to you that if you change that (which would also benefit the cat, and, although it is admittedly more expensive, the veterinary bills stemming from feeding dry food would eventually cost money as well), and, instead, develop a ritual, then your cat would greet you when you wake up in the morning, and, greet you again when you come back from work, and, as a result, you would not feel as lonely as you do now.

If you for some reason do not relate to that, I suggest you reread the story by Rudyard Kipling, from his series called Just So Stories, which you must have read when you were a child, as it addresses the importance of the relationship between the Woman and the Cat in full.

"The Cat that Walked by Himself" | Just So Stories | Rudyard Kipling | Lit2Go ETC

I did not in any way change the topic. The thread is titled, in part, "How do you cope being alone.", and I addressed that part of the title of the thread. I did not address the other part of the title of the thread, "What's the worst part about being single?", but I reasoned that if I were to stay on topic of one half of the title of the thread, that would not be veering off.

I love my cat and all, but I think a pet is still just a pet. I still want to have a life. I take good care of him, he's as healthy as ever, like I stated before. I was saying I'd like a real human to be with. My cat greets me all the time when I'm out and then come home. In the morning, he sleeps right next to me, climbs all over me as to say "wake up". Yes, I do hear about how pets can cheer you up.

What do you mean, no special time? I do spend enough time with my cat if that's what you mean. Don't assume I've read it, when I never even heard of that book. Most of the posts on my cope with being single, people were saying why they love being single, that's not what I asked. I was asking what they don't like about it. If you're happy with it, then great. Just don't expect everyone to be. That's all I'm saying.

OK, so you do have lots of special time with him, but still want to have close bonds with humans - that is totally fair.

I am surprised a person who has grown up in an English speaking country has not heard of Kipling, but if that is the case with you, you are in for lots of pleasant surprises and discoveries - just start reading.