What's the worst part about being single? How do you cope being alone.

I am one of the people who likes to be alone. I have been alone a long time now and I don't mind it. Occasionally, I do get lonely. How do I cope with it? I think of everything I would lose if I had somebody in my life. The freedom to go to bed anytime I wanted and rock myself to sleep. The freedom to watch whatever I wanted on television when I want to. Having to cook meals and clean up after another person. Give up my space. To constantly have somebody else around. Im just not willing to give that up. I have friends, not many, but a few, I can talk to if I need to talk. And you joked about the boyfriend pillow. I bought one recently when I was feeling the need to be held.

part of me is my insecurities. no man would ever want me because I am fat. that is what my mother programmed into me as a child. despite the fact that I have lost weight and now fit into XLs, I still have something about me that doesn't attract men. im scared. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. that's not the plan, but I also fear giving up my freedom now because I enjoy it so much. but I am agoraphobic too and never get out of the house to meet anybody either so how an I ever to meet anybody.

I also have purple hair. it is purple underneath and some purple streaks framing my face. the rest is my natural blond. I just think it looks cool and others do as well. I never did it to attract men since I never do anything to attract men. I never saw it as a competing with others statement. just something unique about me cause I am kindof weird that way.

Of all the issues mentioned in the opening post, not being able to talk to someone and the lack of affection are the hardest to endure for me. I'm pretty much used to doing everyday things alone, so I'm fine with those, although I know this is not how it should be.

I know that physically I'm not unattractive, but my problem stems from my lack of confidence. And this is the only part in my life where I have seen improvement recently: I simply try to be more open, to look like someone who is friendly and approachable and it works! OK, not always, but it's much better now. Last week me and my friend went out to a bar and several men came up to us, even to me personally! This was something that happened only very-very rarely to me before. And they weren't even the ones with bad intentions, they just wanted to chat with us. It helped to boost my confidence a bit.

(Sorry, I didn't want to brag about this, but it was such a new, promising experience to me, the forever lonely girl that I had to share it.)

I miss physical and emotional intimacy. Handyman stuff wouldn't be so bad to have around again. Part of who I am is nurturing and supportive and loving and I don't feel my whole self since I can't share that with someone.

I love being single. I'm a loner and I'm too weird and tomboyish anyway lol. Plus, everything goes wrong whenever I like a guy. The worst part about being single is people telling me there must be something wrong with me because I choose not to be in a relationship and rather focus on other stuff.

But... I miss :

-having someone to talk to
-physical intimacy (not necessarily sex)
-sharing interests and goals
-laughing together

There, I said it. lol. It's kind of a touchy subject for me.

An extra pair of hands would be great for tedious domestic stuff like laundry or grocery shopping. It would all go so much faster with two of us folding/sorting laundry, loading the groceries into the car, getting the groceries out the car and up inside your place, putting them all away, etc.

Same with dusting, cooking, etc.

Owl, let me offer a different perspective on that... my husband did not help with any of that. Matter of fact if he could make the job harder he did. I absolutely do not miss that. Another body in the house does not mean less work. Some times it means more work.

I posted a quote froma Miranda Lambert song in another thread that I think applies here too...

"The good ones all have wedding rings
And the young ones are just too dumb"

You're right--it depends on the person. But I'm making the assumption that the extra pair of hands would belong to one of the GOOD ones. In that case, it would be less work.

The mornings, the nights, the mid-afternoons

quote=Deborah35;3043239]To any of you single women on here, here are a few of mine. I'd like to hear from others:

sleeping alone

eating alone ( I love to cook, but sometimes I don't want to for just me)

not having anyone to come home to, no one there to talk to if you need someone. Married people have someone 24/7, but even single people need someone to talk to too.

no affection( giving or receiving, no intimacy) I'm a very affectionate person, so this one hurts.

[/quote]

I try and focus on what are the best things about it - having the space to do whatever you want WHEN you want to do it, eating as much food as you want without having to think of the other person (!), using the bathroom whenever you want, being able to decorate however you want, have in your home whatever you want. I could go on but i think the point has been made lol When i personally experience loneliness it's usually non-specific i.e. something that a pet or a visit from a friend would probably fix. If it's primarily the intimacy you miss what about volunteering more with animals or something like that - hugging and playing with a load of cute puppies and kittens all day long can't do any harm (unless like me you suffer allergies from hell). Nothing will obviously replace having a partner but the way i see it, being single is in most respects pretty fantastic - someone truly amazing has to come along for you to want to give that up. I'm sorry if i haven't been too helpful but i hope everything works out the best for you.

i like the idea of not having to feel needy towards anyone

Precisely!!!!!!!

Spockette:
someone truly amazing has to come along for you to want to give that up. .

healingme4me:
Precisely!!!!!!!

***

I think you are onto something here, ladies.

If you are truly happy alone (or, with non-live-in partners), you establish a baseline against which to judge opportunities for co-habitation. Then you are not getting a new person to live with you because you have unmet needs, but simply because he is too amazing to pass up.

That does sound great, now that I think about it.

Being alone.

Not having someone to hug, kiss, snuggle into when I feel the need for comforting.

Feeling bad about having only me on family occasions when everyone else is paired off.

Not having anyone who loves me for me not because they are genetically linked to me.

But I think it's hugs etc that I miss most. It's been years since a man not related to me hugged me

Not even men related to me hug me. Come from a very undemonstrative family.

In all honesty, no sex. That's what I miss. Haha.

Another thing is the stupid thoughts that come rushing back... "Will I be alone forever?" "What if I never get married and have a family?!"

It's stupid the think that way, but I do.

However, I just got out of a two year relationship this past April, we were also engaged, and I feel better now than I did in the relationship. (:

Sometimes, it may be lonesome being single. Here I am stating the obvious. However! I remind myself that I would WAY rather be single and happy with myself than in some sh*** relationship which would cause me to question and doubt who I am and what I want.

I totally feel you there. It's been way way way too long for me. And I also have that immovable fear of not getting married& having children.

Depending on myself. If my car doesn't start or breaks down on the way to work. Not having anyone to look after me when sick. Cooking for 1.

But love being on my own. Do what I want. No compromise.

I feel the same exact way. I feel like I have posted on this thread before but I honestly don't know.

I miss having someone to talk to and someone to connect with and just love. I still talk to my ex all the time but we aren't together. I have tried talking to other guys but I don't feel a connection with anyone else.

I guess I have to let go of my ex.

Whatever, I will just be alone forever, Screw it.