What's the worst part about being single? How do you cope being alone.

jrae · Jan 11, 2014 at 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maven

OUCH! My feminist sensibilities have just been smacked! There's nothing wrong with being single. I'm not right now, but I love the single life, the freedom!

I don't do yard work and "handy man stuff," but I hate that we still see that as a man's role. We're women and we deserve equality. That means we've got to be able to so some stereotypical men's stuff (or hire someone to do it--and you can hire a woman to do it, if there are any in your area). I'm not saying hire a woman over a man, I just want to encourage women to find their own strengths.

I live alone on a farm in the upper Midwest. And I've got no problem doing things labeled as "a man's role". Other than using a large snow blower to keep the yard and driveway open in the winter (which my neighbor does for me), I basically do everything else myself!

I do things like mow the lawn (which takes about five hours), trim trees and bushes, tend to the flowers around the house, fix the wooden fences around the farmsite, and more. I've actually gotten to be pretty 'handy' over the last 15 years. I can build shelves (I have one in the garage that is about 7ft x 3 1/2ft), build storage bins, fix the lawn mower, do maintenance on my car (I change my own oil), and things like that. There is not too much a person can't do with a hammer, pliers, adjustable wrench, and a drill!!

SeekerOfLife · Jan 18, 2014 at 12:25 PM

I agree with all the lonliness related stuff. When I was married I was more lonely. But that is another story.

Ashima · 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shezbut

The worst part about being single?
~ I really miss the bond that we'd be together, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, 'til death do we part.
~ Holding one another as we fall asleep, spooning...that physical & emotional closeness is what I miss dearly.

How do I cope with being alone?
~ Honestly... and shoot me if you must.. but, I avoid being alone. I am scared! He is all that I have emotionally and physically. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, and I've recently recognized that he and I are just too different from one another to somehow make it work. Our relationship is also complicated by the children that I've had with my ex-hub.
~ Healthy tips that do help me become a stronger woman, individually, is keeping fit. I go to the YMCA regularly for work-outs. Also working p/t, to get some interaction with other people.
~ I am trying. But, it isn't an overnight change!

Thanks for your honesty.
I too cope with being alone by avoiding it. I was married 21 years and had two kids so I got quite used to having company, then at 50---all of them gone! Kids to school, husband onto a new life seeking a new partner.

So, I entered into a relationship with a man that seemed promising---but with children from our former marriages and being very different from one another---he wants to live alone, I want to live with him, we are just seeking something different. Because I've currently only have one friend and she lives on the west coast and I'm in the east, I just hang on because something is better than nothing.

I don't think being alone as much as I am is healthy. I'm a social animal, but at 55 I don't meet any women who want to form new friendships---most women my age seem to be married or with someone and that's their primary friend, or they have friends they've had for eons and don't need any more.

I have tried bookgroups, church, work, and other venues to meet people, but in a small town in a rural area, there just aren't many people around.

My long term plan to cope is to move to a big city. I'd be interested in hearing if anyone's done that and how it's working out.

But what I keenly need is support to leave my relationship---I've tried but I can't function having no one to talk with or be with. I get so anxious I can barely work, drive, eat, talk. I'm seeing a therapist to work on this, but he's working on this with me like a snail.

If I could find friends who'd be present for the first weeks trying to get along without the boyfriend, I think in the long run, I'd be less lonely and free to find someone else. But, that's not what I have.

So what do you do in my situation?

My coping tips (they are not all mentally sound--but they are just for coping):
Take long hot baths
Watch public television
Talk to my son
Write emails to my friend
Go to sleep early---sleep long as possible
Fill all the hours with as much work as you can take on
Read
Meditate
Organize

Rzay4 · Jan 23, 2014 at 10:31 AM

Sleeping alone at night, I always miss sleeping with another person.

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SeekerOfLife Legendary Member Since Jul 2013 Location: Foothills, where I belong Posts: 14,593 (SuperPoster!) 10 4,064 hugs given	Jan 18, 2014 at 12:25 PM #82 I agree with all the lonliness related stuff. When I was married I was more lonely. But that is another story.
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Rzay4 Veteran Member Member Since Oct 2013 Location: California Posts: 516 10 428 hugs given	Jan 23, 2014 at 10:31 AM #84 Sleeping alone at night, I always miss sleeping with another person.
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