Opinions on this relationship?

I have been with my boyfriend a couple of months, and i am already having my doubts. I really want to give it a chance to work but it's so hard I feel like i'm walking on eggshells and don't know if it is good for me to be with him. He's started to change, your opinions would be really appreciated!

So....

- He tells me i'm stupid, and says he doesn't know why he's with me and that I talk a load of ***** and should think before I speak. Apparently I tell him a load of rubbish he doesn't need to know. I'm just trying to make conversation but it's so difficult! I am not thick, I got 4A*'s and 9 A's at school, and am doing an open uni course in software development, it's really insulting when he says i'm stupid when all he's doing is plumbing!!

- He says "oh why can't you be more fun like *insert name of one of my friends here*" and that i'm boring. I'm not boring, my friends have said why am I so quiet when he's around. I think it's because he makes me feel so stupid it makes me close up. I feel like I can't be myself. Then when I'm with my friends and being fun he says we're weird and that he wonders why he's with me.

- He is so hot and cold. One minute he will make me feel awful and he will put me down (he doesn't like my hair, my clothes, i'm not allowed to wear certain things of mine anymore, i'm stupid etc...) then the next he says how much he loves me and everything it's so confusing.

- He goes through everything on my phone and has done right from the start. I have nothing to hide but I just don't like it. If I say anything though he'll think I have something to hide. If I even touch his phone he freaks out and gets mad so I won't be trying again! He doesn;t like me talking to guys he gets all mardy.

- He tried to trick me by texting me off his mates number. I didn't know who it was and he was trying to see "if i'd cheat" then he didn't like it that I replied. (I said I have a boyfriend so not to get any ideas! just because I said OKay to that we can be mates he flipped out!) He said "you don't need to make any more guy friends now you have me".

- He gets annoyed if I am texting him too much when we aren't with eachother, he isn't affectionate usually (then he is the next day and it confuses me!). He says he loves me, then he acts like he doesn't care.

- He's in college whereas I work full time, he doesn't drive and hardly ever has any money. He is too proud and all "i'm the man I should pay etc etc" so we never do anything because he won't let me pay. He says when he passes his test "i'll not be driving anymore ever" and goes on about what a bad driver I am! If I pay for something he gets mardy and mad at me!

- He is always right. Apparently I have to learn that (even when he's wrong) he is right.

- He never really has anything nice to say :/

- He told me he loves me, and says he's never said that to anyone before so it's a big deal. Which makes me feel like it' s just me being stupid thinking all this because he says he loves me.

I guess he's just getting more and more controlling and mean as time goes on I don't know if it's my fault! I don't even think he realises he does it!
My family don't like him, they say I could do much better but he makes me feel like i'm so lucky to have him and could never find anyone as good. I feel like I hardly know him too, I tell him stuff about me it'll be "pointless stuff he doesn't need to know".

What do you think? should i stop being stupid and give him a chance or should I leave him and save myself all this misery? i get depression (it comes and goes) and he is making me feel miserable and bad about myself by putting me down. But if it's all true then I suppose its not his fault :/

xxx

You don't deserve to be treated so badly. It seems as if he's jealous of you and who you are.There are too many men/women who are insecure about themselves and they don't want anyone else to be happy. Please for your own sake and sanity you deserve better, dump him.

Pack your bags and don't look back.

Lucky to have him? Not a chance. He is emotionally abusive and he isn't going to change.

I completely agree with Yoda and you should get out ASAP. This man is emotionally abusive, controlling and it will get worse. There are red flags all over this relationship. I wish I would have taken the red flags seriously because your BF has similar traits to my H, who I'm trying to leave soon. Don't fool yourself into thinking he'll change or if you're perfect it will be fine.

A loving relationship shouldn't have abusive names, telling you what to wear, how to act and rules like stern parent has over a child. If you leave he may make promises that he'll eventually break. As years go on, your self esteem will be whittled down and then you'll be scared to leave. Get out as fast as you can and don't listen to a word he says. You may need to change your number, block him online or get a restraining order. You deserve better and its not you who's the problem.

All I had to read is the first line, "He tells me I'm stupid". The rest is a predictable mess that you need to let go of.

Abusive "men" like this do this all the time and get away with it & it's just B.S.

You want to know what to do? DON'T CALL HIM. DON'T TAKE HIS CALLS AFTER THE BREAKUP CALL/TEXT that you are going to make. Today would be good.

JUST SAY NO to Mr Hot n Cold. He's trying to stand on top of you to feel bigger and better about himself. DON"T LET HIM.

YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOU KNOW. YOU DESERVE BETTER. HE'S NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.

Trust me honey, we (your elders here) have seen this guy. Please move on.

Thank you. I think in my heart I know the answer but I just try to convince myself things will change.

They will change for the worse. Count on it. Sorry.

He will not change....you have already noticed his changes for the worse....it will continue getting even worse than what you have already experienced no matter what lies he tells you.

The red flags are waiving....you need to pay attention to them. I know it's hell to admit that your parents are right about a guy....but your parents are definitely right about this one.

I too wish I had paid attention to the red flags I saw before getting married.....I was even going to call off the wedding....but my parents just saw what a nice guy he was.....if he had been as horrible as the guy you are with....I am sure they would have noticed that.....some guys hide their abusive ways much better than others....the guy you are with is totally obvious at being abusive.....he's got all the traits. I would be running in the other direction at this point & not leaving any trace where I could be found because guys like that don't like to loose the person they are abusing & they feel the have trapped in their web.

Get out now while the getting out will be easier.....but beware & if you need to take protective actions against him....don't feel bad about doing it.

You aren't the one in the wrong. He is. You deserve better!

I'm just going to tell you the same thing as everyone else. Leave. Don't look back. The longer you're in an abusive relationship, the more likely you'll start to believe the B.S. he's giving you. I dated a guy for about a year, on and off. The day he hit me was the day I said goodbye for good. Trust me, he won't change, and you don't have time for anyone to treat you that way. Find people who support you. A good guy will come your way. You might meet him on a dating site, or in a store, or right down the street. Abusers rarely change, and frankly, I wouldn't stick around while he's recovering. Me, I wouldn't go back, even if he did change, but that's just me. Take care of yourself; you matter.

He was so nice last night, it made me feel stupid for complaining. He just says he has trust issues after an ex cheated so I have some understanding why he is that way. I may be stupid but I think I should give him a chance to change, I'll tell him he has to change or I'm gone. Thanks for all your support, you've made me realise that I don't have to put up with that so if he doesn't change soon then I'm not going to any more.

It is normal even in abusive relationships to have some good times among the bad. That is what makes us doubt if we should leave or stay. If a guy was mean 100% of the time it would be easy to choose to leave but when they are sometimes nice it makes us doubt ourselves. I understand what you are saying because I have been there.

I thought if I loved him enough everything would be okay. Love conquers all, right? I even bought my abusive BF the Eagles CD with the song, Love Will Keep Us Alive. It turned out to be a lovely song but it was just a song and not reality. I loved but the abuse continued.

I am sorry you are going through this. I wish abuse could be fixed but that was not my experience. You have to decide how you will accept being treated. Nobody else can do that for you. We are here to talk though.

Somebody who once meant something to me told me that when my heart met with my head, I would be able to make the decision I needed to make. Thankfully that happened sooner than later and I divorced my ex husband who was emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically abusing me.

You are totally being abused, despite him being nice to you from time to time. He is brainwashing you to believing you deserve this kind of abuse. How sad. Because he is not going to change. I feel for you and hope that when your heart meets with your head that you will get the heck out of that relationship.

Get out now.

I know it's easier said than done sometimes but find that tiny bit deep inside that let's you know you are worth more than this and latch on to the strength it gives you to move away.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work who needs therapy

Good luck and lots of hugs xx

Good to know you're setting boundaries, you are a human being and deserve to live your life the way you want it, you deserve to be happy single or taken. You've only been dating for 2 months so its easier to break it off than someone who's gone 7 years in.

I don't want to judge him but it seems hard not to. There's no excuse for what he did or said. Past baggage shouldn't effect you be needs to work them out before getting in a r/s

The only reason you think you're lucky to have him is because he has brainwashed you into believing so...

Here's proof:

He has trust issues so he checks your phone and you are cheating when you speak up about the invasion of privacy. But when you question his secretive behaviour regarding his phone he gets REALLY MAD like he HAS something to hide! but he isn't automatically cheating is he? No he's not...

Do you see what I'm saying? You are already brainwashed to some degree! In your post, you don't bring up the fact that by his own logic he is definitly cheating on you!

Have you brought this up with him atleast? I'm willing to bet money on "no", or you did that 1 time and that's when he got really mad so you never broached this topic again.

That tiny voice making you question him is not to be ignored, its our survival mechanism. Stop drowning it out!

I thought my ex being much like your bf was proof he cared. Nope. Him telling me what to wear and who to speak to was me being abused by someone who wanted to own me as if I were an object he had aquired at a fkn yard sale.

Like you, I stayed too. He will change, he will learn to treat me better, I will set boundaries... He acted nice periodically to keep me hanging on (2 months being his record) but his behaviour escalated after every "last" chance he got from me, and his apologies became more dramatic and "heartfelt" after each transgression. The first time he choked me (it happened twice) it was because I "dissapeared" from a a party and must be cheating. His remorse was so touching and he blamed it on being drunk. The second time I was hanging out with an ex so I was cheating... That time I stabbed the MOFO in the leg and told him not to fk with me.

Then he was crying real tears and remorseful days later, he was drunk" he will stop drinking, he will treat me better, he said in all the years I knew him, he never used to be that way before I had to please believe him, he pleaded, it was the booze!!!
MOFO deserves an Oscar!

Mine groomed me for years before he layed a hand on me, much like a paedo does with his victims. I was too stupid to see it though.

Eventually I was beaten to a pulp for not needing him. Yes you read right folks, because I made my own money and paid my own way and didn't ask him for anything.

So yes my wonderful ex did change, he went from making me feel bad about who I am to giving me 2 black eyes and some bruised ribs for not asking him to buy me a pack of smokes! A pack of fkn SMOKES!!!

Yours is about to change too, because he sees you're putting up with his ********, so after acting all nice, he will start pushing boundaries, no doubt serve you a 5 star meal of ******** one way or the other, one day in the near future, because he obviously doesn't muck about. So early in the relationship and he's painfully obvious instead of subtle...

I really don't intend to be mean when I say this, but staying with him is stupid. You're proving him right in a sense.

You're not actually stupid, but the act of staying is. Especially when you know better, and you evidently do by posting this thread in the first place, AND by the responses received...

I did that very same stupid thing too, but in my defense, I had no inkling I was being abused before he choked me, and even then I stayed. My xbf was much more subtle than yours, didn't call me names and such, just pretended that he knew better and wanted to protect me, and when it turned violent, it crushed my self esteem when I realized where I had lead myself, and the future I was subjecting my daughter to...

My self-esteem was crushed, because for an intelligent girl, I was acting really stupid. I should have just left after weighing the pros and cons, but Noooo, I had to believe in him, why? because love conquers all and there was absolutely no way my parents could be right, they didn't know him!!! Black eyes and bruised ribs are a horrid way to be proved wrong... And even then I couldn't leave immediately, I was scared shitless of the consequences if having my own money got me those results.

Please, don't ignore your instinct, or the words of loved ones, and experienced strangers on the net.

Because the "one more chance" you're giving him now will easily turn into yrs of giving chances when we don't have clear boundaries to begin with. The abuser steps up his nice behaviour to keep his victim (so it can look like change for a while) and also being human makes us adaptable to anything, we can get used to being ill-treated just like we can get used to being paralyzed... it will be such a waste of life that can be put to much better use, trust me. RUN