Not interested in Sex

I will try and keep it short. looking to hear from others who might experience the same and what they have done to help the situation. I have been married for 17 yrs. Always stated that I have a LOW sex drive we married anyway and to help my husband out always or almost always gave in to his request for sex whether I was interested or not. I know a mans sex drive is important and felt it was important to our marriage. a few months ago he got really drunk and forced sex even after I said NO (many times) Sought out a counselor who gave me advice to be open and honest about what my wants and desires were and that if I really didn't want to have sex to say NO and mean it.

I have even offered for him to seek sex outside the relationship but only for a **** and go Not a relationship. After the conversation of that he took it upon himself to go and solicite sex outside our marriage but he did exactly what I said I couldn't handle. He started up a relationship with someone. I found out before it got to the point of sex ( I think but don't know for sure) however, I feel crushed and betrayed.

We are trying to work this out but it is hard to see a compromise. He wants it and is willing go out side the relationship to get it and I don't and am willing to leave the relationship because of it.

I know there is way more to this story then I can jot down on here but maybe you offer something I have't thought of yet.

Men see sex as important but also a relationship. He thought he was being pushed away turning down sex hurts feeling
Was that night when he as drunk part of why you don't feel it? Are you being treated for low libido , is there an underlying cause? What exactly is he asking for? Like if you're burnt out you can ask him to help you out with chores and errands, less stress

There's a lot in this post that I'm sure others will respond to better than I can, especially about how disrespectfully your husband has treated you. But I just wanted to reassure you that many people aren't that interested in sex, so please don't feel bad or wrong in any way.

Sometimes a lack of interest in sex has a physiological cause, but sometimes it's just a matter of personality. Unfortunately people don't talk about it much because the media and society in general tells you you're unusual if you're not constantly on the prowl. But you're not alone. Is there another counselor you could talk to about your troubles?

Sex has always been the payment I would give for the attention I so needed. Men are the way I get my needs met. I need them to help me feel good about myself because I can't do it on my own. I have nothing else to offer.

Hi there. Like one poster said low libido can have many underlining causes. It could be anything from lack of proper hormones being made in the body or a sexual trauma. If you are interested in hormone testing I would start there first. Then you can find out which direction to go in. Unfortunately being in your relationship many lines have been crossed. You have to decide what you are willing to put up with to be happy. If there is away for both of you to agree to help and repair your relationship then great. But if he insists on being unfaithful etc., you might want to consider what options are best for you. Everyone deserves to be happy and treated with respect. Regardless if you are single or married. That is just my opinion. I don't know you personally or the full circumstances of your marriage. Hope this helps you.

Since this is a mental health forum, the first question is - what medications are you on?

I also usually have low desire for sex when my husband wants to. He asked me to start taking chaste tree, a supplement that can be bought from Puritan's Pride, and reminded me that when I took it a few years ago, I didn't complain (as much) and it even didn't hurt as much (I was having problems with that then) - maybe I was more lubricated.

If it works for desire, that is one thing, but for lubrication, it is much safer to use a commercial lube locally than ingest an untested substance that could have systemic side effects.

Very honest and quite sad. Im sure you would find that secretly alot of women think the same.