your ex has a baby with someone else

Cheshire Grin · 03:47 PM

I just signed up for facebook and was blocking people, who have hurt me or people I love, from accessing my page. I found an ex-fiancee so I could block him. Unfortunately, I saw that his girlfriend/wife looks like me, only younger. As soon as I recognized him, I blocked him.

I knew it wasn't going to work out with him. He drank too much and would try to hide it from me sometimes. He also enjoyed watching porn a lot when I wasn't around to "satisfy" him. He even hung pictures of naked women on his wall and would get mad if I complained about it. There were so many reasons our relationship was disasterous. In fact, it was so bad that I gave up on ever having a romantic relationship again and go out of my way to sabotage any potential suitors.

I think the worst part of seeing this man's facebook page was that he has had a baby with the woman in his life now. He was always telling me how much he hates kids and would never have one. At that point in my life, I would have been happy to have one with him, but it never happened.

I'm really glad I didn't bring a child into the world because it would have tied me to him. I also know now that I would not be a good parent.

I'm really glad that I blocked his access to my page, so I hope never to see him again, but I am sick over what I did see. How do I get over this?

LiteraryLark · Jun 01, 2013 at 06:47 PM

The only thing to do is to suck it up and get over it. He is poison to you, it never would have worked out, and he likely got stuck with having a kid. No point in dwelling over it.

Cheshire Grin · Jun 01, 2013 at 11:51 PM

It took a lot of courage for me to post about this. This simple act helped me "let go and move on" more quickly than I thought it would. I appreciate your response DrSkipper. I suspect he must have been trapped into fatherhood; he really despised children.

I felt better just posting about it. I also thought about it and realised the woman is very plain, almost ugly, so she probably enjoys being objectified. I don't like it. I find it dehumanizing and offensive. I may be a little older, but I know I'm much more attractive than her.

Jun 02, 2013 at 12:01 AM

My ex-husband got remarried I think in 2012 and then had a kid in record time, spring this year...I assume it was either HER wish or an oopsie because he more adamently NEVER wanted kids than I did, ha.
I asked him about it as we are on perfectly fine speaking terms (once he got over me ending the marriage and he moved on...we divorced in 2008), and he said, "Well, things change." Um, yeah...that was so deep and meant nothing except the obvious. I didn't find out that long ago since the kid was only born like in April...so I am still in a bit of shock since it was one of those nice, easy things we always agreed upon. And now he is a father. To a girl they gave an awful name to.
Anyway, hugs to you and I can understand your pain. In time it will matter less, but right now I know it hurts a lot.

Cheshire Grin · 12:18 AM

Thank you sorta_fairytale for sharing with me. You are very kind and gentle. Thanks for being my friend.

sorta_fairytale Cheshire Grin

hamster-bamster · Jun 06, 2013 at 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin

Unfortunately, I saw that his girlfriend/wife looks like me, only younger.

What is unfortunate about it? Maybe he likes girls of your body type or hair color..?

hamster-bamster · Jun 06, 2013 at 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cheshire Grin

I also thought about it and realised the woman is very plain, almost ugly, so she probably enjoys being objectified. I don't like it. I find it dehumanizing and offensive. I may be a little older, but I know I'm much more attractive than her.

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1) "plain" and "ugly" are two different animals. "very plain" is not "almost ugly" for this reason.

2) why do you think that he "objectifies" her, whatever it means?

3) why do you think that women who are plain, or ugly, enjoy being objectified?..

4) what do you find dehumanizing and offensive? From your wording, it is not clear whether you found being objectified dehumanizaing and offensive, or, you are somehow offended by her total lack of good looks. Which way is it for you?

5) You can definitely be older and yet more attractive, so I am glad you realize that you are attractive, but how does all of that relate to his having had a baby with the woman who is so plain? Where does your train of thought lead you?

At any rate, I am glad that you realize that you are attractive, and I am sure that you will have lots of good options in the future, if, of course, you stop sabotaging all your suitors. So to derive some benefit from this thread, I would focus on not sabotaging your suitors rather than looking at her FB pictures.

hamster-bamster · Jun 06, 2013 at 03:29 AM

So I think that you got yourself into this unfortunate situation by misusing privacy tolls of fb. I am not blocking anybody so I am not personally familiar with the tools but I am sure they are there. Use the stritest options and then you will not need to look at your ex fiancee. Women.

I am sorry I do not know the name of the option that would be right for you.

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LiteraryLark Crowned "The Good Witch" Member Since Jun 2009 Location: Wonderland Posts: 11,536 (SuperPoster!) 15 1,318 hugs given	Jun 01, 2013 at 06:47 PM #2 The only thing to do is to suck it up and get over it. He is poison to you, it never would have worked out, and he likely got stuck with having a kid. No point in dwelling over it.
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Cheshire Grin Member Member Since May 2013 Location: Western United States Posts: 124 11 246 hugs given	Jun 02, 2013 at 12:15 AM #5 Thank you sorta_fairytale for sharing with me. You are very kind and gentle. Thanks for being my friend. sorta_fairytale Cheshire Grin Last edited by Cheshire Grin; Jun 02, 2013 at 12:18 AM.. Reason: typo
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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 13 3,729 hugs given	Jun 06, 2013 at 03:29 AM #8 So I think that you got yourself into this unfortunate situation by misusing privacy tolls of fb. I am not blocking anybody so I am not personally familiar with the tools but I am sure they are there. Use the stritest options and then you will not need to look at your ex fiancee. Women. I am sorry I do not know the name of the option that would be right for you.
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