Sex with someone who isnt attracted to you

Would you have sex with someone after they told you that they no longer find you sexually attractive?

If yes would it impact your self esteem?

Would your response be different if it was a spouse or partner and not just someone you were dating?

I kinda think things were better in the old days. If you liked somebody, you did it. If you didn't, you didnt use them for ever for convenience - you moved on. What went wrong?

Well said Hankster!

What would you gain from having sex with that person? I would feel used because I would feel like they just wanted to have sex with someone and I was there to have sex with, but they weren't attracted to me...that just sounds hurtful.

I feel like this question might come with strings attached....because I think if its a spouse who makes a comment like this there could be more to it than just that blanket statement (like unresolved anger or resentment, etc), and if you want to stay in the marriage, you should go to couple's counseling, STAT.

If it's someone I was dating, I doubt I would give them the time of day let alone let them TOUCH me after that comment.

No. Not a chance, I'm not here for anyone's convenience. "Go screw yourself" would be my very appropriate reaction

Absolutely not!

Never being married, I know I would not if it were my husband.

You are better than that! Tell whomever said this to now use their hand, you are done being used!

well with me, I already think i am not sexually attractive, so if i was TOLD This- No; it would just trigger me in a situation like this of being nothing but someone's toy or object (but that is me)

If by some how, I did still have sex with them after this- yes it would effect my self esteem. I am not a sexual object - no matter how much media, some of the past males in my life- try to portray women that way! (not all men do- but some do, and I am sorry but where I live, media and society helps with that).

Doesn't matter to me- "Dating" "partner" "spouse"- to me I am with the person I am with, and what they think and say and do to/for/with me-- affects me.. and I would hope it be positive.

(((((Readytostop)))))) 's
I don't know why you posted this question but many well thoughts your way 's
This question is heart breaking, I read it the other day and hesitated to write anything because in away for me, this is a touchy subject.

Sex is a connection to me, it is very special for me, and in "my opinion" it should be with someone that loves me back, that feels a connection with me and me with them.

with that being said----

What do you think though- you answer your questions here. We all have our own opinions, and none are "right for all".

"A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market." Charles Lamb
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da7StUzVh3s

I can't imagine the issue coming up; if I am not sexually attractive, why do you want to have sex with me? I cannot imagine anyone who cares for me telling me such a thing, it's a selfish thing to say as it is telling another about yourself, what attracts or does not attract you, but to the person you are telling's detriment rather than pleasure.

If I love or care about you, I want good things for you and am going to tell you about myself to help you understand me so we can get along better, not to make you feel inadequate and boost myself. If I am with you and do not find you attractive, I have a problem and want to decide what to do about it with the least amount of hurt to you as possible.

A comment like that would affect my self-esteem so much that I wouldn't even be able to be in the same room as them.

It would be difficult for someone to prove that they're sexually attracted to me anyway...which brings me to a question.

(Keep in mind that I'm a virgin and pretty much the most innocent girl you'll meet at my age so please don't give me a difficult time if this is a stupid question).

If we're indeed talking about a guy, how would he be able to get it up (and keep it up for that matter) if he's not attracted to the girl. I thought that proved someone found you sexually attractive. If that isn't an indicator, what is? Will I (or anyone else) ever have proof that someone is attracted to them?

Thanks for the responses. In a long term relationship, like a marriage people change over time...have kids, etc...and you may not look like you did at the beginning of the relationship... A person may no longer be attracted to that person ...

Also if u r a religious person... Many believe it is your duty to have sex with your spouse no matter what...

So if the person wants sex than they r stuck with a person no longer attracted to and the unattractive person is obligated to comply...

Sex is sometimes just sex right?

So is the problem that a spouse will tell their spouse they no longer find them that attractive, but then the hunger comes and maybe they are attractive enough? Maybe the problem is more mental than physical. I have had attractive partners pose for me, and im thinking, why are you doing that? Get in here and rub something and tell me a story. Or get me something to drink or eat. Im suspicious of looking and no talking!

If you are young and not in a committed relationship... And just dating... In about 99% of the cases if a guy asked you out on a date he is attracted to you. BUT in the end it wont be physical attraction that keeps him around...it will be your heart and your mind and that is what newbies dont realize and they get their hearts broken by sleeping with guys way to soon...

When a guy treats you like you hang the moon and is committed and gives compliments that are from the heart and truely is looking out for your best interests and not his own...then you have a keeper.

To answer your question... Yes that is basically how it works but sometimes they can be thinking of other things or replaying images of porn and stuff too in their minds....that is why porn really hurts relationships...

Wait for someone who proves they are worthy of your love.

The only time that I think that happened, I didn't even know I was being asked on a date until the end of the date and I sort of ran away and he didn't really speak to me again. I don't know why they try to trick you like that...

I'm sure I seem much younger than I really am. I'm in my mid-20's....so I shouldn't sound like I'm 16 anymore but I do. Heck, I think 16-year-old's know more than I do.

And don't worry about things happening to quickly for me...if anything a guy would give up as it's going too slowly.

I was sort of thinking that porn might do it...so I guess I was sort of right. I never really thought that porn would affect a relationship that way, but that makes sense.

But you said that a guy stays around for something other than physical...so does everyone become unattractive to their partner at some point but stays because of other stuff? Are there any other things in your relationship that makes you guys attractive to each other?

I always thought that you didn't have necessarily an obligation to have sex with your husband, but if you didn't you were risking them cheating on you...that seems to be common as I read about similar situations on here. But of course I don't know from personal experience.

There is not such a thing as "just sex" - sex has meaning that differs from person to person, situation to situation, etc. There is not such a thing as "just sex". Sex can convey all sorts of messages, too. It can evoke all sorts of feelings.

Oh, and a guy who gets it up from porn but then has sex with a real woman - which seems to be what you are describing - is making a choice to have sex with the woman rather than masturbate, so he is still, on some level, attracted to that woman - otherwise he'd be masturbating solo.