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#1
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I'm looking for mainly female/motherly support on this one. Serious problem - don't know how to handle....
A few months ago, I showed up to my 24 year old son's apartment. He wasn't expecting me. I opened the door to a big suitcase filled with bras, thongs, and panties. There were even pantyliners and maxi pads (new) there. They're different styles, sizes, and have all been worn. He told me he stole them from the apartment's laundry room. I bagged them up, took them home, and threw them out. I didn't count, but there had to be at least 100 pairs. I was shocked. And I embarrassed him because I didn't know how to react. Not much else was said. I asked my sister, and she told me about "Panty Raids" and that he probably masturbated in them. He also hasn't had a girlfriend since High School, and that only lasted 1-2 months. Howver, since then he's been living at home and I have caught him more than a dozen times, red handed, rifling through my underwear draw. He denied it every time, even though HE KNOWS I SAW HIM. I’ve also been noticing some of my kotex pads missing, too. He takes from his younger sister's, 22 years old, too. We've both been noticing missing panties for well over 6 or 7 years now (she's a XS/S and I'm a M - for what it's worth, my son is very very slim), but never thought too much about it until now. My daughter over the last 2 years now takes ALL of her underwear back to graduate school with her, now I see why. I guess the most relieving bit is that it always seems to be clean panties he takes. Thank god for that, I guess. I think he's been doing this since he was a young teen! I don't care that he has a panty fetish. What I do care is that he stole hundreds of pairs from an apartment laundry facility, and is going through mine and his sisters' undies. How would you have reacted initially? How would you react if you saw your teen or adult son going through YOUR underwear? What do I do now?! Thanks. |
#2
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He needs to realize that crossing the boundaries of privacy is unacceptable...perhaps he feels uncomfortable buying some new items of clothing himself and so resorts to stealing whatever he can find from his family. I still find it somewhat odd though. He must have realized that he would eventually be caught? Perhaps he also gets a kick from that.
The only thing you can do is state very clearly that you don't have an issue with him or his fetish but that he is simply not permitted to take items of clothing that do not belong to him. If the issue starts to take over the majority of his time I would suggest encouraging him to get help. If all else fails he will have to find a place of his own again...what is being done to encourage him in this direction? Maybe the whole thing is being exacerbated by the way in which his life has changed. If he feels he is making progress towards independence again the situation may well improve. Stay strong and support him and your family the best you can...i'm sure he doesn't mean any harm by his actions he may just be having his own difficulties and doesn't quite know what to do about them. I wish you luck. |
#3
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The odd thing is that I've seen his credit card statements (I wasn't prying, he asked for some assistance with his finances), a few charges to both Aerie and VS.
Yet he still takes mine and his sisters!? And steals from strangers!? It's all very concerting. |
#4
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I would be disturbed by this if I were in your position. I would feel like my privacy was being violated and I would disprove of the stealing too. I guess this must be a sensitive issue for you as well as him. This is private to him, but he doesn't seem to keep it that way. What I think you could tell him straightforward is that you know he is taking your panties and that it's not okay to do that, that they're your very private property and you are bothered by it. It would be useful if you could get him to buy his panties rather than steal them - maybe from a second hand clothes store if he wants them to have been worn, but definitely no stealing. I'm not a mother but, if I were you, I'd find it very difficult and challenging to bring up such a topic with my own son in a manner that would be appropriate.
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#5
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I don't think I would have trouble talking with my son about this. I would focus on the theft aspect, the snooping/privacy issue in the house. Both Really not okay, inappropriate. What he collects is curious, but not that strange.
Good luck with this.
__________________
It only takes a moment to be kind ~ |
#6
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Quote:
Society's judgment turned this into a problem. Society makes him feel ashamed of cross dressing in the privacy of his own bedroom. That's the only reason he denies it. Next time you catch him, let him know you love him no matter how he dresses. |
#7
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I think the bigger problems here are that he is stealing, he is crossing boundaries which should be clear and there is a strong possibility that this is beyond `fetish` and starting to edge into a disabling obsession.
I mean, he could be developing relationships with actual women his age who either wear underwear he would think was cute or think it was fun that he was keeping theirs... but he isnt doing that. Instead he is eschewing real realtionships for the option of being alone. There are a few grey areas there: does everyone need to be in romantic relationships constantly? NO. But he is clearly needing SOMETHING for comfort, companionship, and all that... whatever, and chosing to fulfill that need with some imaginary function. by doing that, he is giving into very questionable moral decisions which are very likely to eventually end with him getting some kind of sexual offense charge slapped on him if he is not careful- and it sounds like he really isnt at all. He should seek help, and thats not a judgement, to be clear- because panties certainly are fun. The issue is not the panties. The very real root here is that it sounds like this could be approaching the point where it isnt healthy and in the very least he is experiencing serious lapse of judgement on a regular basis and should talk to someone about THAT if nothing else. |
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