[JLG13]

A little about me 36 years old, married and extremely depressed. I need some advice on the challenges I'm facing right now. Trying to cope with too much. I'm pregnant with twins, 14 weeks and since I found out I can't cope. This is my first pregnancy. I had a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy in my prior marriage.
I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful. I know there are so many women out there that would give anything to be pregnant and can't. I'm afraid I've bitten off more than I can chew. I'm afraid my husband has no idea how much he is going to have to give up or do to make this work. We both are older but yet have so much growing up to do. Everyday I wake up with fear and I get stuck in dark thoughts. Everything is negative. I have no hope anything is going to go right and so far things haven't gone right. I can't function. My job has cut my hours due to my inability to focus or get a grip. My independence is being ripped away from me. I'm vulnerable and trust no one except myself. I can hardly trust myself because I'm such a mess right now. I can't sleep. When I go to sleep at night I wake up after 3 or 4 hours in absolute panic. Then I obsess for an hour and sleep for an hour on and off with the same pattern, panic, obsess, panic, obsess. My days start around 5am. I wake my husband to try and calm me and he is so exhausted from this his patience is fading. When he leaves to work I curl up on the couch in multiple blankets and only get up to eat or use the restroom until he gets home at 5pm. I'm in misery and feel like I am not worthy of this pregnancy. I'm doing terrible and not even a mother yet. This is too much for me to handle. I'm failing already.
All this depression, anxiety, and obsessive behavior. I am 14 weeks pregnant and the issues I'm having are interfering with my daily living, A little about me 36 years old, married girl, not successful, not extraordinary, just me. Hoping to get some advice on the challenges I'm facing right now. Trying to cope with too much. I'm pregnant with twins, 14 weeks and since I found out I can't cope. This is my first pregnancy. I had a miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy in my prior marriage.
I'm sorry if I seem ungrateful. I know there are so many women out there that would give anything to be pregnant and can't. I'm afraid I've bitten off more than I can chew. I'm afraid my husband has no idea how much he is going to have to give up or do to make this work. We both are older but yet have so much growing up to do. Everyday I wake up with fear and I get stuck in dark thoughts. Everything is negative. I have no hope anything is going to go right and so far things haven't gone right. I can't function. My job has cut my hours due to my inability to focus or get a grip. My independence is being ripped away from me. I'm vulnerable and trust no one except myself. I can hardly trust myself because I'm such a mess right now. I can't sleep. When I go to sleep at night I wake up after 3 or 4 hours in absolute panic. Then I obsess for an hour and sleep for an hour on and off with the same pattern, panic, obsess, panic, obsess. My days start around 5am. I wake my husband to try and calm me and he is so exhausted from this his patience is fading. When he leaves to work I curl up on the couch in multiple blankets and only get up to eat or use the restroom until he gets home at 5pm. I'm in misery and feel like I am not worthy of this pregnancy. I'm doing terrible and not even a mother yet. This is too much for me to handle. I'm failing already.
All this depression, anxiety, and obsessive behavior is ripping me apart.
I already had an appt 2 weeks ago and my husband and I did not feel comfortable with the therapist. My ob referred us to him because He knows I'm struggling since I got off my meds. He put me back on a low dose of zoloft and suggested I go see a therapist. I did and the therapist sucked. Instead of listening to me and my husband he gave us a seminar like lecture on anxiety and depression. It was like he was auditioning and wanted to impress us with his knowledge. We left feeling worse then when we went in. There was no advice to either of us on how to cope.
I have an appointment with a new therapist/dr in a cpl days. I'm worried. This has lasted for over a month & 1/2. I think I might need to file for disability because my husband's income is not enough for us to live and the last time I was like this it took me over 2 years to recover. I need a strategy or plan. I don't know where to start. Please tell me what to do.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, JLG13, and welcome! I can understand why you would feel depressed.

I had my second son when I was 36. The first one went back to diapers at 20 months after his brother was born. Having two together is a challenge, no doubt.

As time goes on and all is well, I suggest you begin to line up some help. Neighbors, friends, relatives, even teenagers, to help and give you and hubby a break. There are also resources for the parents of twins, including at least one magazine as I recall.

I am an identical twin myself, by the way.

It's not unusual for pregnant women to get somewhat addled. Many of us accuse our developing babies of stealing some of our brain cells! And you have some extra concerns.

I suggest you talk to the counselor about ways to stop obsessing. Worry does no good, as we all know. And do things nice for yourself--rub yourself with nice smelling lotion, listen to relaxing music, look at pretty pictures, etc.

I think many women are surprised at how their husbands step up to the plate after the baby is born. My husband was amazing. Talk to some women with young children about what they did to survive.

I hope that's a start anyway. I am excited for you. I don't think most of us ever completely grow up and that might be good in dealing with young ones. Playing along with them can be fun.

And get a good pediatrician, who listens. I suggest a woman doc, if you can find one.

[Jan1212]

I had my baby and still don't know what the heck I am doing but it's alright because I learned to become versatile. Having a baby, or two! changes everything and I became so accustomed to my baby I can't imagine not having my baby in my life; I love it. My husband said I changed a lot (my attitude) but he understood what my body was going through and its hormones. I had to keep reminding him but the man is also going through some mental changes as well. I cried for reasons I thought I was past, and everything that had to do with babies was in my mind at all times. I had serious expectations and when it didn't go the way I planned, I freaked. I wish I told myself that it's going to be alright, it's gonna be perfect. Looking back I worried so much about the what-ifs, but In understand that I couldn't help it. The one thing I regret not doing was asking for further help, from professional and family. I was afraid I was a burden and kept blaming myself. I'd share my baby brain stories on how I kept pouring sugar in my coffee, I found the coffee was getting bitter- the container was salt, not sugar! I also got lost in the parking lot for over an hour, that's not my usual self. I was in a pregnancy group, I'm now in a baby group with other moms, we go out a few days a week. It's a mess with the babies sometimes but we understand tha'ts how it is.