I feel alone.

This is a very touchy subject and I'm not sure if I should post this or not but I'm hoping that only supportive and understanding women will post comments instead of judgmental ones.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for like 5 years. In October I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant. I was so scared and freaked out. I live in Texas and go to a private baptist university so they have the right to tell me that I can't study there anymore because premarital sex is against their beliefs. I was so angry with myself for letting it happen. It got to the point where I was so scared and angry I would hit myself (not hard enough for it to hurt or bruises or anything) in the stomach. I wanted to have a miscarriage. I couldn't even call it a baby, to me it was a thing growing inside me. I ended up getting an abortion. My parents still don't know. The only people I told were my sister, my best friend and my boyfriend's family. My boyfriend and his family were all so supportive.

I think about the abortion every single day but I don't regret it. But I do feel like I'm a terrible person because I feel like my reasons for getting an abortion weren't good enough. Like they weren't the right reasons. I didn't want to have to leave school and ruin my future. I didn't want to set my mom off in a stressful state and drive her to drink again. I couldn't afford to take care of a baby.

I haven't met anybody who has been through this and I feel so alone. Like I'm the worst person ever to have done this horrible thing for such dumb reasons.

I've never been in your situation, but I totally support your decision. Having a baby is a big deal and a lot of responsibility, unless you plan to put it up for adoption. You're young, single, and in a stressful situation, where carrying through with the pregnancy would have had negative consequences for you. Those are all perfectly good reasons to terminate a pregnancy.

I hope you can get some counselling or find some group support - see if there's a women's centre (not affiliated with your school) or a rape crisis line might be able to refer you.

Remember, you have done nothing wrong.

splitimage

There are more than enough women out there that are walking in your shoes or have walked in your shoes and the best thing you and all of them can do is pick your self up off the ground and move forward...... be willing to forgive your self and ask the child your gave up to forgive you for your actions if that helps, and then never look back --YOU are still a GOOD PERSON. (((hugs)))

This doesn't make you a bad person at all. Everyone has there own reasons why they would want an abortion and that is their right. Don't best yourself up over it.

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Thank you! Y'all helped a lot.

I have been there, oddly enough it was after I already had two beautiful daughters. I went out and was careless when my marriage broke up. The worst possible timing. It was going to be hard enough to take care of my daughters on my own, now I had a new life to consider. I could not bring a baby into such a bad situation, and I could not ask my children to share what little we were going to have with another baby. So I had an abortion.
Now the reason I am telling you this is because at that moment it seemed like the only option, and not long after I suddenly thought "that was not a good enough reason". So I understand exactly what you are going through. Its like a remorse thing. But you have remember how you felt at that time, your reasoning at that time. the turn of events with or without the abortion. And the future for your and your future children with or without the abortion. I bet you will find you made the decision for all of the right reasons.

I'm so sorry you feel alone but you aren't and you are definitely not a bad person. You did not come to this decision for trivial reasons either, they are all valid and mature. I think it's not unusual to second-guess yourself, it's a big deal to have a child, it's a big deal to decide not to so you it's likely you will have doubts sometimes, just please, don't punish yourself.

From a religious standpoint, it is between you and God only. It is not really any one else's business. You should not feel pressured to tell your parents, or any one else until you and only you feel the time is right, if ever. You probably do need to find a support group to feel less alone. There are plenty of young women in your situation. You are not alone.