Confused and frustrated.

This is really hard to talk about.

I entered into my relationship about four, five months ago with a significantly older man -he is 32 and I'll be 19 in a few months- and it went well at first. He's deeply attached, in love and he wants to marry me. Recently we had sex and I lost my virginity to him, after that we had sex on two other occasions.

He had approached me, just to talk, before when I started working. He's a member of security, one of the guards here. I turned him down at first because I could guess where it would have gone. But then one day I stopped and asked him why and it kind of picked up from there, we exchanged numbers and ect cetera.

But we have to keep it secret because if Dad finds out he won't approve and if anyone from my workplace finds out my boyfriend could be transferred. And it's stressful.

Like I said, it went well and I was happy with it. The problem is that I already have issues and problems (depression, self-harm, I did tell him about them) that were severe before now but I had been learning to gradually cope with them. My boyfriend also had a bad breakup some time ago and he hadn't been interested in anything of the sort for a long while. He said when he saw me that changed. I'm not going to pretend to understand that statement on the basis of experience. I've never had a romantic relationship before this, so I wouldn't know how it feels. He also mentioned that whenever he meets a girl and feels about her the way he feels about me they leave and he is deeply hurt.

My problem is that my issues are being amplified by the stress of keeping this a secret. Also while I was in school I was abused for a little while until the perp moved away. On a side note, if I ever see that man again and he makes a move toward me I'm sure that I would either freeze up or try to tear him to shreds. With my teeth and whatever's handy but I digress.

The so with the aftermath of that episode and my depression and the stress of keeping our relationship a secret from everyone but two people that I've told my issues are increasing and I need to either leave him or commit totally and hell with whoever. I don't know what to do, every time I think about this I feel like collapsing and crying or depressed enough that I have to resort to a razor blade. I care enough about him that I honestly don't want to hurt him by leaving him and breaking his heart but I'm scared to leave the only safe haven I really do have; home.

Oh boy this is a tough one. That is a wide age gap. If you are really in love it wont matter who knows. You would want to share him with the world, instead of hiding. It would feel right.

As far as his feelings, he will get over it. If your not happy its time to get out. I would do it now before I get in deeper.

I dont want to be the bad guy here, but here I go.......... I lost my virginity with a 20 year old and I was maybe 16. When it came down to it, all he really wanted was a place to put it. It just seems you are to young for him. It seems he is keeping you around by putting in the I love you and I want to marry you. Kind like leading a horse with a carrot. He is saying things he thinks you want to hear to keep you around.

Somethings not right here. Just please be very careful. Your young and life is sweet right now. Dont miss an opportunity to enjoy your teens and 20s. They can be amazing and fun. Enjoy so you dont regrets. If this was meant to be then there would be no doubt.

He has no idea I feel this way. He even introduced me to his mother and I don't really want to hurt her either.

It doesnt need to be about them, its your life too. You deserve to be happy! I met plenty of moms. Dont let him trap you.

If the relationship is having to be kept in secret then it is already not working and will continue to not work for both you and him. Love needs space to grow and be shared, not kept in an empty box and forgotten about so no one finds out it until sex is wanted. Tread carefully here or end this relationship before it controls you to the point of no end.

I know you hear (your to young to be nailed down) and I know you know what love is. But sweetie you are so young. Find someone around your age. You will have more in common and you dont have to worry about hiding it.

I don't really have much in common with a lot of the boys my age... And the boys my age want flashy girls. Hmph. *shakes head* Really. I know they're good girls but do you really have to look so tacky?

There are decent guys your age out there. They just aren't in the spotlight right now. Kind of like the girls that you mentioned who, in your opinion, look tacky.... There are others out there who aren't that way. Those girls just aren't getting much attention.

Anyway, please don't settle for this man because he's nice and you like his mom (or whatever). It needs to be love that keeps you deeply rooted to (whomever). There are a lot of factors that fall into love & just a couple of them doesn't cut it in a decent lifelong commitment. I'm sorry, but I really think that you should cut your current relationship short before things get too intense and/or complicated.

You will find a better man for you in some time. Try not to worry. I know that is easier said than done, believe me...I know. Finding yourself and figuring out what's important to you also takes some time as well. There is no need to rush into deep relationships. You can't make someone else happy if you, yourself, aren't truly happy. ((((hugs)))) and very best wishes to you Mika!

To me, the age difference isn't so important as the stress you're dealing with. It's time to sit down and talk with him. Explain everything as you did here, see if the two of you can come up with a good solution. If you can't find a good solution, or he won't listen to you, then it's time to move on.