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Rayne Selene
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Default Jul 10, 2014 at 10:50 PM
  #1
I'm not sure where else to put this, so I stuck it here. I definitely want the advice of other women, especially if they've been through something similar.
I work as a nanny, and I just moved in with a family for a month to be their nanny while they're living at the children's grandparents' house over the summer. I've worked with the family for a while, and trust the mom/dad/kids/grandma/grandpa, etc. The problem is, the mom has a brother, who apparently comes and goes from the house as he wishes, though he doesn't live here. I first met him yesterday. He came to pick up the oldest child, because he was going to be spending the day with him. I was the one taking care of the kids, and I was holding the baby, who apparently had her hand on my chest. The first thing the uncle says to me (even before "hello") was "ooooh, A-- is getting some booby action!" He said it in a really lewd way while staring at my breasts. I was very uncomfortable, saw him off with the oldest child, and went about my day. He was back not an hour later, and this time the mother of the children was at home. He was talking to her, and I walked in, and out of nowhere he says "This one here, she's hot though. She's a BOMBSHELL!" completely leering at me while he said it. I shook it off. Later that afternoon, I was alone in the house with the baby. She was asleep, so I took the baby monitor out to my room (which is isolated and separate from the main house) and I heard a commotion outside my room. I heard the uncle's voice ask quietly "You sure there's no one in there?" and then the door just opens! The uncle and the oldest child were standing there. The oldest child knows he's not supposed to come out to my room, so I'm wondering if the uncle put him up to it. The uncle stood in the doorway, blocking my exit, and was commenting on the bed, asking if it was comfortable. I quickly got out of there and went to get the baby.
I haven't seen the uncle since that point, but since he comes and goes as he pleases, I'm worried, especially since I'll be in the house alone a lot with the baby. My worst concern: THE LOCK ON MY DOOR DOESN"T WORK!!! Does anyone have any advice? Am I blowing this out of proportion?
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Default Jul 10, 2014 at 11:06 PM
  #2
You could always talk to the mother about the uncles inappropriate behavior so she knows and hopefully take some action against him. If the lock doesn't work you can place something heavy in front of the door so the uncle won't come in. I hope this helps!
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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 01:00 AM
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I've never been a nanny before, but my advice would be to definitely tell the mother, for the children's sake, and your own. At the very least, he's setting a very bad example. I would also worry about the door and the uncle going in there while you are out. I would bring up how he tried to get in while he thought you were gone.
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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 02:05 AM
  #4
I would express my concern about the uncle's inappropriate comments and absolutely make sure you have a working lock on your room.

And if it were me I would start a diary and document when he does inappropriate things and what he says as well as your conversation with the child's parents.

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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 07:04 AM
  #5
You have a real reason to be concerned. Its time to have a heart to heart with the mother. Good luck and Im sorry this has happened to you. This is sexual harassment!

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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 07:44 PM
  #6
It is sexual harassment just like in any workplace. Brink this up to the mom ASAP and keep a record/journal of anything else that happens.
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Rayne Selene
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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 07:59 PM
  #7
I know it's good advice to tell the mom, but I'm just not sure how to put it. This is her brother, after all, and their family seems very close.
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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 08:03 PM
  #8
What a terrible situation. I am glad people have given you good advice. Keep us posted. Guys like that bring out the beast in me. Grr.

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Originally Posted by Rayne Selene View Post
I know it's good advice to tell the mom, but I'm just not sure how to put it. This is her brother, after all, and their family seems very close.
Run through a few different ways of doing it and pick the best one. Don't put it off. You are concerned about inappropriate behaviour that is making you uncomfortable. That's a good start. Then simply describe what he's done. If the employer defends him over you, then it's giving him free rein to persist. Either she cares or she doesn't, and at least you known what you're dealing with, then.
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Default Jul 11, 2014 at 08:12 PM
  #9
Putting it off could allow things to get worse. If the mom isn't supportive, don't stay in that situation if you can do anything about it.
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Default Jul 13, 2014 at 12:16 AM
  #10
You really do need to say something. People like him will continue to push if nothing stops him from proceeding forward. Formerly I kept my mouth shut about such things and paid for it in the end. I broke it down like this: why am I not saying anything? Because I don't want to make waves/I want these people to like me/don't want to offend/get called a liar. Then I ask myself what's more important. My safety, or that my concern for it will offend anyone? My safety, of course. And you know what else? Now that I do say what I think needs to be said, I have never gotten the reaction that worried me into staying silent.
Good luck. Be brave. You deserve to feel comfortable.
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Default Jul 16, 2014 at 07:21 AM
  #11
You definitely need to start keeping a log of what's being said and dates and times. Also you need to report this to your boss and inform them that you don't feel comfortable at work with him there because of the things that are being said to you. You feel like this is becoming a bit of a hostile work environment more on the sexual(sp?) harassment type way, and you really feel like you need to have a lock installed on your door to feel more comfortable, since you found him outside of your door, when no one else was home. Also, you would feel more comfortable if while you were in the home, if they would limit his entry to the home to when the family was there, and not when you were there alone.
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Rayne Selene
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Default Sep 07, 2014 at 10:37 AM
  #12
Just an update: I'm home now, away from this job. I started watching for anything else to happen, and for the most part, I was able to avoid the man until the end of my trip. He was pretty creepy though >.< he cornered me on my last day there, an hour before I needed to leave for my flight, I was really freaked out! But luckily I managed to get away from him and then I left for home 1,500 miles away. All is well! Thank you all for your advice! It really helped me to know that I wasn't just being paranoid.
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Rayne Selene
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Default Sep 07, 2014 at 10:41 AM
  #13
I didn't end up talking to the mother. I know I should have, but I was scared. The family I lived with turned out to be very mean...for want of a better word...and not overly concerned with my needs. I was scared to be confrontational because I was so far from home, and if they got angry and decided not to pay to send me home I would have been in big trouble. I'm just glad everything ended up okay and that I stayed safe. I'm never doing anything like this again! Thank you all very much for your support.
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