Ok ladies, here's a humdinger!

I've decided to share here about my relationship with my boyfriend. I know theres a relationships board, but I want the ladies' view on this.

My boyfriend and I dated in high school 14 years ago. I've known him now for half my life. We've been on again off again for years now. The last time we broke up was right before Valentine's Day 2 years ago, and I spiraled down out of control and just about ruined my life. Then I snapped out of it and started to make a huge change. My life today is one of acceptance, love and tolerance, and a lot of faith.

My boyfriend liked the changes he saw in me, and was with me when I got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in May last year. Soon after we had a huge talk about "us". We talked about what we wanted and needed from each other and decided to face our fears and get back together.

Now, he is wonderful. He takes such good care of me and is so understanding of my disability and recent depression. I have huge financial woe and he helps as much as he can. We share a mutual love of the game of pool. We like the same movies and activities. He's my best friend. But I don't want to depend on him for those reasons alone.

Here's the problem. I constantly doubt. I constantly doubt if he's the one I want to be with. I constantly doubt if our differences can be accepted by me. I know every couple has their differences but.....ours are pretty big.

I like my calm life. I don't party anymore. I like to chill at diners and coffee shops. He likes to play pool in the bars and go to parties. I like to play pool in the pool halls and have quiet nights at home.

Those differences have been liveable. But what I realized today is, there's a huge difference our levels of faith. I'm not getting into a religious discussion here, just saying that I have faith and he does not. That's a big difference!!!!

I met a guy who has faith very similar to mine and its so refreshing to talk to him. Makes me wonder why I'd rather talk to him.....there's also a friend of mine who I am very physically attracted to. Don't get me wrong, I'm physically attracted to my boyfriend, but in a much different sense. So....these other emotional and physical attractions have me wondering.....

These doubts have been there from the get-go. I love my boyfriend. But there are so many huge differences and so many doubts.

I don't know what you might be able to get out of this, but I had to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening. =)

~Rayna

Hey Ray...

Being in a relationship with someone who does not share your faith, or who has none... is very hard IMO. Usually the religious one gets dragged down... it hampers the realtionship in too many ways... Will you always go alone to (church?) I assume... What faith will your children have, and what example of that faith will he set for them?

Your circle of friends might be more religious than his and mutual friends will be hard to come by... It is two different lives and there is so much tension in the little things... do we pray at dinner or not? Do we baptize the kids? It will be a part of your life that you will have to live in islolation from him...

I don't want to be a doom prophet or anything, but these are things you have to consider... And never think you can marry someone with the intention of converting them later... If you choose to marry him you must be able to live with the fact that he might never take on your religion...

But, if you truly love him, and you want to make it work, you still can, just know it will not always be easy... We are capable of a lot of things... and it is possible in the end, just hard work!

Good luck

Pix

I've decided that I need to end this relationship, at least for right now while I work on myself....I just don't have anything to put into the relationship right now, I don't have the energy, I'm overwhelmed. So I'm going to tell him tomorrow. I'm so broken up over this. But I know its the right thing. I just can't do a relationship right now.......

Ray..........

Do YOU have to end the relationship right now.................. or could you two possibly agree to date others and still see each other without such a strong commitment standing in the way or creating fear / doubts?

Just asking as to put the ideal out there - some people can do this type of dating and live a happy life at the same time.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
IMHO - I too feel that the difference in faith could and very well might create undo stress / conflict later on in life for the two of you.

((((((((( Ray )))))))))

What ever you choose to do, I hope it goes well.... I will always be here if you need me...

I'm really sorry to be such a doom prophet... I hope I didn't offend you by it....

Thanks for your replies everyone. I haven't spoken to him yet to do this, but I know its the right thing. I came the decision on my own, so please don't feel like any of your decisions had an influence.....still very sad, now just waiting to talk to him.

((((((((((((((((((((((Ray)))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand what you are saying about differences. I cant go into deal about my relationship I have had with the same man for a year and a half, but i can say I really understand what you must be going through.

Take care,
Leslie

Why not help him find your faith? I would always counsel against any permanent relationship where such a big factor such a faith/beliefs were not the same.

Sorry.

I agree, there are alternatives, but I suggest you begin now, once you are in full MS battle it might be too late.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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