25 year old Virgin

I am 25 and I am still a virgin!

I am not one of those people who are waiting for marriage. I just want it to mean something. Doesn't sound too bad, right?
Well, I've never had a boyfriend, and unless you count elementary playground crushes, I've never been kissed. I feel like a loser! I am incredibly shy and on the heavier side. I know I have low self esteem. I am so terrified that I will die a virgin! I think I better start dating and such but then I see my sister in an abusive relationship and I hear co-workers complain about their men and I think, do I really want that? I have a vibrator that I occasionally and I have no idea if I'm doing it right LOL. My friends say if I use it too much I might de-sensitize myself and then I'll never O with a man.
Is being a virgin a big turn off to men? I have a friend who is my age and still has her V-card so it makes me feel better, but she has had opportunities and has turned them down. I've NEVER had the opportunity. Sometime I feel like if I was JUST heavy, of JUST shy, or JUST a virgin it would be ok but I'm all three! What do you think?

There is nothing wrong with your situation. I am certain the right guy will come along and break thru that shell of yours. You do have to open yourself up to relationships though as I think the idea of "why bother" sends off a certain energy that guys pick up on. I have that attitude and I have been alone a very long time...lol. And I don't think there is any truth to the whole vibrator myth about desensitization. You may get used to it a certain way, but you can just change up how you use your vibrator so you are used to different styles.

I'm a 27 yr old virgin

Gee, I waited until my thirties to do the whole thing. And that was on my wedding night. Later my husband said had I given into him earlier, then he would not have married me!

Some men are looking for virgins. If a man had had a problem with me on that issue, then I would have sent him packing! It's great to have sex as a special experience, not just two bodies rubbing against each other. (Sorry to be a bit graphic.)

I think I will leave the "virgin advice" to someone else, as I honestly think the whole "waiting until marriage" is completely crap (sex is an important part of life and a relationship, you want to know that part works before you make a commitment that serious) and I realize it doesn't really apply to you as you have not had the chance.

I do not think you should let it get to you, though. And - the vibrator issue - your friends have no idea what they are talking about! Enjoy yourself! You deserve it, and your body NEEDS the release. And, women, let's be honest - most of the best sex we have, isnt it with ourselves? I know it is for me, and for a lot of my friends. Sex with a guy is great, it feels good, and it is great for intimacy and emotional self-worth. But, objectively speaking, sex in itself is often just as good with "Yourself" or a vibrator. Your should not feel ashamed or doubt, you should give yourself the release you need and deserve. It also learns you what you like and don't like and connects you more with your body if you do it often. Recommended!

I am nearly 27 and still a virgin, I've never been in a relationship or on a date or, well, experienced anything with a guy. On top of having bad self esteem and self worth, I also have trust and abandonment issues with men that don't exactly help my case. I also want to wait for something important, I've seen far too many times women in my family being treated second best and used, and I want to know that I'm better than that. I have also thought about waiting until I'm married, but I don't forsee marriage happening in my future so who knows how long I will hold out! haha

It doesn't make you any lesser, for all you know this waiting could be leading up to something great. Being older you have the maturity to know right and wrong, and you'll have more chance of finding someone with the same values. I can't really offer advice to help you, other than that your friends are completely wrong and not to listen to that. But please don't think you are the only one who isn't as experienced as others.

Don't let your age concern you! What should matter is you are holding out for the right reasons. Also, think maybe about your expectations and beliefs of how it should be before giving yourself to someone.

If it's something you actually want and not something you think you should be doing to fit in, then something is wrong somewhere, but I promise you it has nothing to do with your weight or what you look like!

I don't think any of us can tell you why it hasn't happened...you need to do some soul searching and figure out if its something you really want, and if you do want it, what could you change or adjust to make it easier?

I'm not going to impose on you the whole "stay pure until marriage" thing either. It's not crap, and if you believe in it for whatever reason e.g. religious/personal like me, then by all means stick to your guns!

However since you're on that side of the camp, do know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a 27-yr-old virgin either. As you say, you would like it to mean something. Well, guys come and go and sometimes we just have to patient for Mr Right to turn up!

In the meantime, if you want to play a more proactive role in getting your man, maybe you could try looking into changing your look or taking up a new hobby. Like someone above mentioned, personality does matter and guys tend to get turned off by girls who emit an air of "I-don't-care". If you feel heavy, you could also attempt to shed a few pounds, but don't overdo it especially if you're at a healthy weight.

Lastly, your friends are wrong about the vibrator!! How does using one desensitise our lady bits? It's like saying eating too much sweets will cause our tongues to lose tastebuds or something...

Hey, I'm 23 and a virgin. Never been kissed by someone outside of a drinking game. Never been pursued. Actually, I watched my best friend be romanced by the perfect high school boyfriend, and many others subsequently. But I was always too shy and had low self esteem, and still do. So nothing has happened yet for me.
Which is why I think you should feel better first. Work on your self esteem before trying to get with someone. Losing your virginity is an idea created by men (Patriarchy) to prevent women from having the power to choose their own lifestyles. So technically, virginity doesn't exist: Or at least, not as something to be lost in some great significant moment.
However, I still think you should love yourself when you decide to be intimate with someone else. If you love and respect yourself, you won't let someone who disrespects you be intimate with you. Or at least you will come away from the experience feeling strong and like you made a decision that was in your control.
Also, when I feel good about myself, that is always when flirting comes easily, when guys come up to me (though not yet the right one... for me anyway). It is rare, but when I can get to that place, I like me so other people like to be around me.
I think you can get there too. Personality over superficial traits.

I can't speak on the whole virgin thing as I lost it before I even knew what it was, but that's a rant for another thread. However, seeing as where I have come from, I can honestly say that the whole concept of virginity, in my opinion, is a bunch of man made bunk. Yes, sex SHOULD be special, but the truth is that more often than not, the first time is awkward at best, or just plan bad at worst. That is, there is WAAY too much emphasis put on the first time. The truth is that the best sex, love making, whatever you want to call it, comes after you've been with your partner and know the ins and outs of what completely turns him on, and conversely when he knows how to drive you wild as well.

Ignore your friends who say that using toys means you won't O with a man! Toys are the reason that I am able to be comfortable enough to O with a man. So, keep on enjoying those toys.

There are lots of ways to meet men , I personally would not tell them right away that your a virgin because that is a great way to be used . Guys have a thing about being the first one so if you go telling people this your going to attract the wrong guy and feel used afterwords . So my advice is if you do meet a guy and you both have sexual chemistry and you both are ready for sex then tell him you never been with anyone that way you will know that he wants you and not just to be the first .
As for using a vibrator and you enjoy it then go for it I mean this gives you a chance to know your body and what you like and what you don't like so when you find a man you can say I like this or that .

I'm a little bit younger than you are, OP, but I'm a virgin as well. As someone with social anxiety disorder, I can definitely understand how intimidating dating can be. And I don't think it's a bad thing to wait until you find someone you're comfortable with. Also, vibrators are totally awesome. Might as well take the time to learn what you like and don't like about sex, and what better way to do that than masturbating?