Starting to date again?

I like the way you put that. (And I love Trivial Pursuit, btw.)

We'll see if opposites attract. I'm feeling a bit discombobulated because I've never been interested in someone so shy and nervous before. I'm used to guys being quite forward and letting me know they're attracted to me. He has me guessing, though. I don't know how to read him. So, it's new for me.

Sometimes new and different can be so refreshing. We tend to get in a rut with the kinds of guys we like, so then we get in the same dead end relationships over and over again. At least thats how its worked for me.

That was what was different with my friend (still crushing, but gonna refer to him as a friend now, since I'm pretty sure thats what we are going to be, even though I still like him as more than a friend). Anyway, my friend, lets call him Sebastian*. Sebastian is totally different than any other guy I've gone for. What attracts me to him his sense of confidence. He's very proud of his accomplishments. He's very well educated. And in the past, I would have thought him to be WAY out of my league, so I would have given up from the start. I used to tend to gravitate towards the ones who were obviously insecure, because I was so insecure with myself, that I thought only the insecure ones would like me. Months ago though, after a conversation with a friend, I started to write down my ideals. Things I like in a man, things I need for myself in a man. Like confidence, ambition, intelligence, whitty humor, some concept of a higher power etc. Those are things that I need in a relationship for me to have a valuable sense of communication. Sebastian has all of that. He also has his insecurities, but when they show, I find them endearing, not a turn off. I'm attracted to the things he's shared with me, not only his successes, but his downfalls as well. And I like the fact that he's making a lot of changes in his life, trying to get things back on track. I like we have a lot of similar interests and that we can talk about more than just 2 things. I like the way I feel when I'm around him. And I like that I don't put myself down in regards to him. I don't tell myself I'm not good enough etc.

I don't know what prompted me to write all this in response to info about your guy. I guess I needed to spill it. Because you know what? I am disappointed that it appears I'm in the friend catagory. But its awesome that I get to have him in my life as a good friend.

I hadn't heard from him for a few days, so I called to check on him today and he's massively sick with a stomach bug. I so wished I could run over there and make him soup and comfort him. So yeah, I'm definetly still smitten, but I'm moving into acceptance that not everything turns out the way I want it to, at least not right now. Its so funny, I try to find reasons to be mad at him, to make this easier. Like, he didn't reply to my email, what kind of friend is that?? Then I find out he's sick and my heart melts. Ahhhh, why does he have to be so great? Ever had that happen where even things you don't like about someone just makes your feelings that much stronger?

It's sound so exciting and fun to be dating and having crushes. I am older -- much older -- than 37 -- It sounds nice. I feel a bit like a spy reading about it all.

Best wishes for your dreams coming true, all of you.

Eh, I don't think we'd post things if it were private. No need to feel like a spy. You can live vicariously through us lol!

Thanks. I hope your dreams come true too!

You're not a spy. Raynaadi and I have just been posting a little soap opera here. I hope it's entertaining... and I hope we both have some much more exciting plot developments to report soon.

So, I met a guy last night, who also has a neurological disorder. Long story short, we hung out in a group setting for a few hours and he's very cool! We'll see......

OMG Raynaadi. That is awesome!!! I knew you'd meet someone soon... didn't know it would be THIS soon, though. LOL. The group settings are great when you first meet -- much more relaxing, IMO. Keep me posted. Any plans to hang out together any time soon?

It's great when you meet someone who's cool and interesting AND will have some insight into what you're struggling with. That's one of the many things that appealed to me about the guy I'm interested in. He had PTSD, so he can relate to how anxiety feels. It's great to have that kind of common ground.

I'm all excited for you. LOL.

I'm excited too!!! I'm so wishing I could talk to him but I didn't get his number. I got his myspace, but he hasn't been on to approve my request. We both want to get out and walk, so I suggested walking the mall because its air conditioned. So I'm thinking we might do that? I know he works from 4 to 8 today so I probably won't run into him. I've only ever seen him on Fridays. So we'll see. Not only does he understand my medical predicament, but we even enjoy the same tv shows.....when he found out that I'm addicted to SVU he said "You're my new best friend!" I hope that doesn't mean literally. Imagine if I fall into the friend catagory yet again lol.....I'd have yet another great friend haha! He's a month younger than me. Needless to say, I'm intrigued.

First of all, I'm addicted to SVU too. LOL

That's great that you talked about going out walking -- gives you a good reason to get in touch with him. You already have your "in." Ah, walking and talking -- a lovely way to get to know someone. I'm excited for you.

And he's a younger man. Ooo la la.

The guy I'm interested in seems to be a fair bit older than me. I don't know how old he is, though. I e-mailed him last night and asked him to go to a movie with me next weekend. I'm too sick to do anything this weekend. I'm a pragmatic kind of girl. I'm tired of stressing over wondering whether or not he likes me (I didn't want to go through another week of obsessing about it), so I decided to get it out of the way. Thank god for e-mail. I wouldn't have been able to do it in person. I haven't heard back from him yet. Ugh. I wish he had Myspace, so I could have messaged him there and then I would KNOW if he had read my message. At this point I don't know if he just hasn't been on-line or if I've scared him. LOL.

I'm on Myspace too. If you want a new friend on there, my link is in my profile. Send me a request if you like and I'll add you. If you don't want to, I'll understand. Some people like to keep the psych-related on-line forum people they've met separate from Myspace.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Raynaadi said:
Sometimes new and different can be so refreshing. We tend to get in a rut with the kinds of guys we like, so then we get in the same dead end relationships over and over again. At least thats how its worked for me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I don't know how I missed your previous post. I was on here last night, but I didn't even see it.

You and I are in the same boat when it comes to getting stuck in a rut. That's why I'm trying something new and different. I DO know what's good for me and what's not good for me in a relationship, but I've almost always ended up with the same kind of guy -- very social and moody and dramatic and intense and needy and possessive. I found my ex-boyfriend infinitely fascinating and exciting -- the whole tortured artist thing -- but I'm getting older now. I have realized that I want to have children someday (and I'm 37 already - YIKES!) and I want to be with someone who has some stability in their life. Someone who has their head in the clouds all the time isn't a good match for me. My ex is a musician (soundtrack composer, songwriter, musician, producer, etc.). He is successful in his career but he will never be practical and realtistic and his life and emotions will never be stable. I can't imagine him being a father. I found the drama with him kind of addictive. It was also fun that women go ga-ga over him when he's on-stage, but he picked me (so it was good for my ego), but being with him and dealing with his moods and his jealousy were emotionally exhausting.

I have tended to go for guys who have similar personalities to mine but are more EXTREME versions of me, and that's not a good thing. I need someone who's a bit more down-to-earth. I wasn't instantly physically attracted to the guy I'm interested in now -- and that's new. I usually go for guys who I find YUMMY at first sight. This guy grew on me and I found myself becoming attracted to him as I got to know his personality. So, all of this is new and I hope it turns out to be a good thing.

I've rambled on and on. LOL. I tend to do that a lot. I'm wordy.

I totally know where you're coming from with this quote: "Ever had that happen where even things you don't like about someone just makes your feelings that much stronger?"

I know exactly what you mean about that. It has turned out to be destructive for me in the past, so I'm TRYING to change my ways.

Man do I know what you mean about being attracted to "yummy" first.....and that always gets me no where. This guy, I'm gonna have to name him....lets see.....I'll call him Drew. So Drew, lol. I'd noticed him when he first came to town but I wasn't like ooooh HOT. I did think he was cute though. I was in a relationship at the time, and when I ended that relationship, I fixated on Sebastian (my name for the original crush). Then last night, I see Drew across the room, sitting comfortably in his chair and fanning himself, and I went Oh....thinking "hello" in my head. I introduced myself to him after the meeting and thats when he told me he also had a neurological disorder. We decided to hang together at the diner and talk about it, so we did. And then a group of us hung out later. Did I already say this? Lol....anyway. I know what you mean about being pragmatic and wanting to get an answer to the "does he like me" question. (Are you a Capricorn?) He hugged me goodbye last night, a very brief hug but it was so cozy. He seemed a little shy and uncomfortable, but I have to remember that he just moved here a couple months ago, and he had never hung out with us before. So, I'm hoping we'll hang out again soon, and that he'll come out of his shell a bit more. I've given up checking myspace; he'll be at work now. Time will tell!!! I hope your guy emails you back soon.....lets keep our fingers crossed for each other!

Its a date. =) Thursday night we're going to a movie. I got free passes for a pre-screening and I invited him and he said yes! This is Drew...the new crush. I'm sooooooo excited!!!!!

Yay!!!!! My date's on Saturday night! Woo-hooo! I'm cheering for both of us!

I'm excited too... but stressing and overthinking everything as well. What else is new?

So, what are you gonna wear?

Ooooh me too. I'm talking to my male friend asking his advice. I was planning on dressing kind of conservative so as not to give him the wrong idea. My friend said that's a good plan, just look nice so he knows I dressed up for him. So I'm trying to think of something I haven't worn to meetings. Not sure yet. What are you gonna wear?

So, when I told my friend about my date she said, "Did you clarify that its a date?" I was like uh....I asked him to a movie. And she said that men don't always consider everything a date unless you clarify. So now I'm like ok....I'll have to clarify when I talk to him. But I don't want to say "You know this is a date right? " LOL......so ah....any ideas?

LOL. I was going to ask you for the same advice. My friend asked me today if he KNOWS it's a date. I showed her the e-mail I sent him and she said I came across very casual, so he probably just thinks I'm asking him as a friend. She said he won't just infer that it's a date. Ooops. I guess I'll let him know (somehow) on Saturday night???

Let me know if you come up with a good idea. LOL

I asked my other friend and she said, "Duh, its a date." I mean thats what I would think, if someone asked me to a movie, just the two of us. But maybe men are dense? I dunno....2 of my friends think he has to know and just the one questioned it. So, I don't know....I put a blog on myspace making references to him. I'm hoping he'll read it when he finally signs on.

I'm keeping this in the same thread, because this thread has been such a help to me! Hope I'm not hijacking.

I have that date tonight....I hope? My insecurities are rearing their ugly heads BIG TIME today. I last saw him Tuesday when I checked out a different meeting and he was there. Everything was very nice, we talked, solidified the plan for tonight. I got his number. He has to work today, he thinks until 5pm so we're gonna meet at the theatre. The pass says to get there early because its first come first serve. Anyway, he's pretty sure he gets off at 5, at least that was the last I heard on Tuesday. He works clear across town from the theatre, so logistically, it works better for us to meet there.

We texted back and forth breifly Tuesday night and then yesterday I sent him a text wishing him a good day, and asking if he found out for sure when he gets off today. He didn't reply. So now my head is going....the what ifs are coming out and I'm wondering why he didn't reply. I know that sometimes I don't get texts that people send, so its possible he didn't get mine, or he replied and I didn't get it. But I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. We said "See ya Thursday". And when he hugged me goodbye, it was like he didn't want to let go.

So I'm pretty sure I'm just being neurotic!!! He'll probably arrive tonight as planned, why wouldn't he? I guess I've just had my heart broken so many times that I'm fearful, and untrusting.

I'm the type of person that I stay in contact all the time when I like someone. I like to text, send myspace messages etc. I need to remember that not eveyone is like that....So can you guys please tell me I'm just being insecure, and that it'll work out the way it's supposed to????

Ah.....he answered for me. He just sent a text saying he's off at 5. End paranoia now.....phew!!!!!!