Problem talking to my therapist.

I have been seeing the same therapist week for two years and the more I see this therapist the more I find myself censoring what I have to say. For instance he knows the basis of why I come to therapy because it is in my records (history of sexual abuse, C-PTSD, anxiety and depression) so he asks me the routine questions on that such as "how is your sleep" and "how your anxiety level this week" but that's about it and then we'll talk about current events or something superficial. I want to open up to him more but whenever I do I feel like I can't physically talk. I want to talk to him about my cutting and a recent overdose (I'm not suicidial at the moment) and more about my trauma and even transference but whenever I try I choke up and can't even talk. On my drive over there and even at home I practice what I want to say but when it comes time to say it in front of him I find that I cant.

Because of my financial situation I am very limited on who I can see and don't have an option to switch providers at the time. I guess I need suggestions on how to overcome this fear of opening up more to him. By nature I am a shy person and I was raised in a home where we didn't discuss problems and had to pretend everything was fine so I'm sure that this has somewhat to do with it. I tried to discuss this with therapist but as you guess it I froze up and couldn't talk.

Thanks.

Maybe you could write a short note to your therapist explaining what you explained here so you don't have to say it in words (or write it out and read it to him). He might be able to help more, or make it easier for you, if he knows about this.

That is what I do. I have some of the same issues as you. PTSD, anxiety depression, and a history of sexual abuse. So I know exactly how you feel.

I write alot. I journal and my T reads it each week. (T = therapist by the way) I used to write that I "freeze" in conversation. I can't start conversation or make my wishes known. So I write what I feel. I used to do that a lot. I kept a note book with me in T and I woudl write instead of talk. I would write "That scares me" and after the T would ask "What does" , sometimes I could tell her and some times I just had to write what does.

We always start off the session with her reading what I wrote during the week. Then we discuss that. I have had the same T a little over 2 years now.

Good luck. Keep trying.

Wow sounds like my doc. I'm almost scared to open up about things to him as I'm afraid he's going to put me on more meds or something.