Stuck at home on a Friday night...

...I feel like I'm being punished for something I can't control. (This may get long, and a bit TMI, I'm warning you now...)

Ever since I was 7, I've been going swimming on Friday nights with my two best friends (they're twins), my sister, my dad, and my friends' mum. When I started my periods aged 13, they were all fine for us to do something else like go to the cinema once a month, because I couldn't use tampons so couldn't go swimming. I still can't - I don't know why, but I've tried many times. For a while dad went through a phase of asking practically every week if I'd tried using them again, and I'd have to say I tried, but I couldn't...I was frustrated, and felt guilty at stopping everyone going swimming once a month. It felt like my fault - even though I couldn't control it, I should be able to. But then dad stopped asking, and the rest of them all seemed ok with missing out on swimming once a month...sometimes it was less often than that, if it started on a Saturday. But then my friends and their mum started going swimming anyway, even when I couldn't. My dad and my sister did something else with me for a while, but the past few weeks they've gone with my friends, leaving me at home. Fair enough, I guess...after all, it's definitely not their fault, and it's unfair of me to stop them doing something they enjoy just because I can't do it. There's more of them than there are of me - I'm outvoted. But still, it makes me feel lonely...and, like I said, like I'm being punished for something I have no control over.

Have they just been putting up with me all these years? Do they really want to see my sister, not me? Does it make any difference that I'm not there?

Ugh, I hate when I start thinking like this. I'm not sure if I should post this, but I'm going to anyway, before I make things worse for myself.

I'm such a loser.

Could you go with them and not swim?

Have you tried different brands and sizes of tampax? Do you have a woman (mother, sister, aunt, friend) that you can talk to about how that might better work? In the long run it is your right to not use tampax.

Also, I spend many Friday nights alone... I know that you are used to going but is there anything that might be fun about staying home?

Thanks for replying, SecretGarden.

That's an idea, but to be honest I'm not sure it'd be much better...I'd still be alone most of the time, just not before or after. There's really not much to do there if you aren't swimming. It might just make things worse seeing them having fun and not being part of it.

Yep, I've tried quite a few different types - applicator, non-applicator, very small, ones with a gel or something similar...nothing seems to work. I don't know what the problem is. My sister (three years younger than me) seems to have no trouble using them, but my mum can't. I'd be far too embarrassed to ask my sister, it was hard enough posting this here!

Well, there's the internet, I guess. Although I should be going soon, staying on for too long makes my head hurt.

Sorry Rio.... maybe others here will have some advice. If you are close to the beginning or the end I would even go without but if you are flowing much...that is difficult.

One day you will need to go to the GYN to get a check up... you may be young for that yet but ... you could get checked out....

Are you able to locate the hole with your finger... Hope you do not mind my saying... there is one hole that pee comes out of and the next hole is your vagina a bit further back. Just checking....

Otherwise... see if you can find something fun to do at home... puzzle, TV, popcorn....etc... Take care.

Hi Rio_

How about finding a new activity to do on Friday's when you are having your period? Rent a movie? Have friends over for a dinner party of sorts?

I seriously don't think your family and friends are against you in anyway...they are just enjoying life....nothing more. Be gentle with yourself.

"Rio" by Duran Duran:

I couldn't wear tampons until I was about 26.....it took awhile to get used them even after I started using them on a regular basis. So I missed out on swimming A LOT when I was on my period too. I feel your pain.

(((RIO)))
I am sorry for the loss you are feeling at this time. I have to agree with the above advisors that finding something to do yourself would be very helpful to help you feel less left out when the others are swimming. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia

To everyone: sorry about the late replies! I thought I'd be able to get on the computer before now.

SecretGarden: don't worry about it, I appreciate the suggestions.

That's true...I'm not looking forward to it but it'd be good to know if everything's ok. I'm not sure when it happens here - maybe 18? If so, it won't be long.

I don't mind you saying...I have tried before, and I'm pretty sure I found it, but trying to put a tampon in really hurts! I don't know, maybe I'm just too tense?

Thanks. I'll try and get a film for next time...hopefully mum wouldn't mind having to spend just one evening away from her programmes.

Thanks for replying, Zen888.

That's a good idea. I don't have much in the way of films at home, but there's always Sky Box Office.

That's good to know! I get a bit paranoid about that sort of thing...I've had many friends leave me, for various reasons, and whenever something like this happens I worry that it's happening again. These two friends are the only ones I've had that have lasted more than two years, and I really don't want to lose them.

Thanks for the link, I love that video!

Thanks for replying, Raynaadi. Sorry it happened to you as well, but I'm glad I'm not alone...and I'm also glad this doesn't necessarily mean I'll never be able to wear them!

(((Soidhonia))) Thanks. I'll try and find a film or something for next time.