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Jul 07, 2007 at 06:55 PM
#21
en·a·ble [ in áyb'l, en áyb'l ] (past and past participle en·a·bled, present participle en·a·bling, 3rd person present singular en·a·bles)
transitive verb Definition: 1. provide somebody with means: to provide somebody with the resources, authority, or opportunity to do something which in his case, is drain you dry finally and emotionally....... i sense that you feel sorry for him about this girl. don't. you didn't hold a gun to his head when he picked her. she's his choice, not yours.......don't pay for his insurance. if he is old enough to have a car, he can buy it and insure it..... freewill, i've had patients who had the same kind of deal with their parents and they are very hard to re-direct. unless you do the re-directing, it's all for naught. good luck, xoxox pat |
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2006
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,395
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Jul 07, 2007 at 07:41 PM
#22
Hi Freewill,
I totally feel your pain. I'm living the same pain! My daughter is in London right now and calls me to tell me that she only has $19 in the bank and I should go make a deposit! I gave her free rent before she went so she could save (she didn't.) I paid her medical insurance for 2 months because she was going on this trip and had to "save." I gave her a gift of $500 to take with her and she still calls crying and expects me to deposit more money into her account.  She will be 22 in Sept. I'm done. Do as Pat suggests. I'm doing it now. It's high time, but it is so painful at the same time. And my child is in another country!!  As my mom used to say, "you made your bed, you lay in it." I think it's time. I'm not doing her any favors. I know I made a ton of mistakes while my kids were growing up, but I don't want to keep making mistakes. I really think she resents me more for being such a total sucker! I REALLY do feel your pain, Freewill. I'm right there with ya! Take care, Okie __________________ 
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Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 9,946
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Jul 07, 2007 at 09:27 PM
#23
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
radio_flyer said: </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font> That we TEACH people how they can TREAT us. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I can "guarantee" anyone that I did not teach my son to be disrespectful to me. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I am sorry that is NOT what I meant....... ((( HUGS ))) What I meant was - IF a person treats us badly or disrespects us and we keep giving unto them or do nothing about their bad actions, then we are allowing them to treat us this way (therefore) in a round about way - we are teaching them how they can treat us. We must stand firm and not allow such behavior or they will take it as though they can get away with their negative behavior toward us, a loved one. Does that make better sense of what I was saying? |
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Elder
Member Since Apr 2003
Posts: 5,584
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Jul 07, 2007 at 11:14 PM
#24
Actually, I jumped in this thread without even thinking.
Yes, what you said is true and makes a lot of sense. And yes, he did learn that I fall a apart when he saw his father's rage towards me. So, I can say it is my fault my son vents his strikes his anger towards me. Come to think of it, my son witnessed me crumble and become submissive when my own brother was raging at me. I don't know, it looks like I have problems standing up for myself.. I have weakened over the years. Which is only my fault. I just can't deal with rage and threats, so I guess I hide. That surely doesn't solve any problems. Anyway, I do understand and even agree with what you have said. ((((((((( Rhapsody))))))))) |
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Grand Member
Member Since Dec 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 582
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Jul 23, 2007 at 07:29 AM
#25
yeah, time to cut the apron strings.
I have 5 kids. the 23 year old is independent and..I won;t but I could brag...the 18 yr old daughter is independent and now thankful for everything I did/said. The 14 year old is a quiet kid, no problems. The 11 year old is a boy who can be naughty at times. The 13...just turnmed 14 year old I would like the remove his tongue! He verbally abuses me...I am so tired of being called a "F'in B" over and over because I won't let him run wild. I am counting the days until he turns 18 and can show him the door. your 22 year old needs to be shown the door.... |
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Guest
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Jul 23, 2007 at 11:58 AM
#26
Update:
I caved with my son... he knows that when I am ill, he can wear me down and he did (my blisters, sugar withdrawal, Xanax stablizing, best friend's surgery, her bizar treatment of me of the past 6 weeks - she had surgery)... I hate me.. I gave him money for a used truck.. I didn't give but "loaned". I know that I will never see the money again. I am done with people IRL,,, I have cut off my best friend completely - after treating me just terrible - she called and "made nice" with me.. but it no longer matters. I don't want friends that critize me and tells me what to do with my life.. I would rather just not have friends.. it is better that way. My son, I felt a great need to make things better than what I had for a horrific childhood and things that I went thru during my marriage at 19. I guess I wanted to have him experience a wonderful life with caring people that I never had. So much for that... I can no longer take care of other people.. I need to take care of me.. So I am alone.. and want to be alone.. sometimes that is much better.. |
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Junior Member
Member Since Jul 2007
Posts: 15
16 |
Aug 03, 2007 at 03:39 PM
#27
Dont be too hard on yourself.... We all do things at the time what we feel is right. My son is nine, his younger sister gave him 27 euros for a game that I told him he couldnt have until Christmas.. He took the money from her and bought the game... I made him pay her back by emptying the dishwasher for 27 days... OK, I paid him 27 euros for doing that, but then made him give it back to his sister... I hope that he learnt a lesson from that.. It broke my heart to see him doing that every morning, but I stuck to my guns... And as for his sister, she couldnt quite understand the problem, she thought she was being kind to her brother... So I had to tackle that one too... So it seems life is full of lessons... Good luck with your son... x
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