Is your partner cross-dressing?

I have just found out that my husband likes to wear certain items of womens clothes and I really dont know how to handle it... I am trying to being opened minded at the moment. I have chatted with him and told him that I will help him.. I have got alot of information from the internet about the subject.. He respects the fact that I understand and he is happy that it is out in the open, just wondering if he thinks that is the end of it and everything is going to go back to normal now. I want him to understand and to read as much about it as possible. He says its weird talking to me about it.. I cannot just close the book on it just yet. Where does it leave me..
Any suggestions please.

I'm sorry, I know this is a really confusing thing for you. I've wondered how I'd handle it, too, if it happened to me. I'm ok with cross-dressers, but I am not turned on by it, and I want my man to be manly, if I can put it that way. (That's not to be confused with men who are gross, overly jealous, and do those things some label "macho.")

But if I found out my husband did this, I'd have to learn more about it, which you're doing...I know a bit about it already, so it doesn't freak me out so much as it's not what I'd want in my partner. But some women are really ok with it. You might have to set some boundaries, like if he can cross-dress when you have sex, or is it too much of a turn-off to you (I'm not getting the feeling it's a turn-on, but if it is, that's fine, too), or if you are willing to go out in public with him dressed as a female.

I don't have a lot of answers for you, but I wish you lots of luck, and him, too.

How did you find out? Did he tell you or did you discover this yourself?

You said you would 'help him'. I wonder what that means... Help him stop doing that, do you mean? Or help him feel less embarrassed / ashamed about keeping that secret from you.

Maybe... He doesn't really want to read or understand because he has accepted it as something that he likes to do and something that he does and so... He has just accepted it. Maybe... He feels some relief that he doens't have that as a secret anymore so from his perspective there isn't a great deal more to discuss?

I have no idea...

How do you feel about it?

Does it change how you feel about him?

Hi, I found out by looking for a pair of swimming trucks for a friend`s son. Sorry, maybe I didnt make myself clear.. I am not prepared to stop him as this is something that cannot be stopped and he clearly likes doing. All his life from his family he was told that he was a failure etc etc;, I cannot do that to him, he need`s to be encourage to be open and pointed in the right direction that makes him happy... Everyone to their own. I, personally do not want to have sex with a man dressed in womans underwear.... I have found the name for this on the internet and it`s called Transvestic Fetishism, they just wear a certain amount of opposite sex`s clothing for sexual arousal. But I dont know how I am feeling and worried as to were it might be leading meaning our marriage.... We need to talk to come to some compromise I think. We have three young children and a lovely home.

Hi and sorry, I did answer you, but forgot to submit it, maybe you will find all the info in the following reply that I have sent to the other person... Thanks for the advice.

I commend you for trying to be understanding and helpful. It sounds like he has other issues (familial problems from childhood) that maybe should be addressed by a therapist. If he's not in therapy I would recommend it - even if he thinks nothing is wrong, it doesn't hurt to talk to someone.

Big thing is that you need to take care of you and address your feelings around this issue.

Tranquility

yeah, thanks for explaining. it helps a lot.
i talked to one guy (on the internet) who said he liked cross-dressing. i found it interesting to talk to him...

he said that he was straight. wasn't attracted to guys. for him... he said when he was a boy he remembers watching his mother dress up to go out and he was really fascinated with watching her do her make-up and hair and put on her perfume and stuff like that. he said that he found her clothes comforting. comforting. that was the way he put it. that sometimes when she wasn't around he would take items of her clothing from the laundry hamper because they smelled like her and because he found them comforting. he said it wasn't anything sexual. it was just comforting. maybe... from what you have said... it might be a similar thing for your husband? it might be... that he doesn't really want to talk about it because he doesn't think that it will change anything between you? maybe he envisages continuing with being discrete about it. i guess if he did find it erotic now would be the time for him to tell you (incase you felt similarly so that could be incorporated into your sexual activities). but maybe... it is about comfort rather than sex.

could you talk to him about it a little? maybe ask if it is about that? i agree that i wouldn't really know what to make of it / how to feel about it until i understood something of why and what it was doing for them.

Hi...

It`s not a gay issue, I have looked into that, that is why I have come up with Transvestic Fetishism, the last word of that title is pleasing to my husband and thinks that what he thought it was anyway, is just a fetish.... I have my doubts because we are all human and have fetishes of one kind or another, but to take my old underware from the bin for sexual gratefication is surely another thing... As each new day opens I am hoping that he will say something about this situation, but I am affraid. He really has not asked me how I am feeling and each day I am beginning to feel different, angry, cheated, sad, sorry for him, etc etc;, I dont know ... I have needs too... I thank you all for your comments and support. Feel this is going to be a long drawn out issue.

Well yes this is a tough thing to be involved in, and often misunderstood. Well first of all I have a son who all his life has been very comfortable wearing clothing that is very feminine. And as a young adult so did his father. It is a form of expression that needs to be respected and left as just that, thinking to deep about it might actually complicate things for you more. I think your husband needs o know that you love and support him in anything that make him happy. It is really unfortunate that society has put a stigma on men who like to dress in womans clothing. It makes these men very weary of themselves and confused. It is great that you are seeking out support because it will help you better understand your husband and help you guys grow closer if he thinks he can share anything with you and you love him anyway. Just try to not make this a personal thing and it will help you through this as well. There are many men in the world who can dress like a woman and still be madly in love with there wives. Peace to you and good luck.

i have no idea how much of what you are saying is a response to your surmising on the basis of having read stuff online...

and how much of what you are saying is a response to what your husband has told you about his motivation etc...

Hello... It has been openly discussed and admitted by my husband... He has told me that he loves me, wants to make love to me etc., But his desire to want to wear ladies stockings and shoes is also something that he does not want to stop and it seems to be quite a private safe world for him to be in. He wants to go on to buy more clothing, which I have said, that, I will not stop him doing so. I do not want to make him anymore unhappy than he already clearly is. But he did suggest that if I felt it repulsive or weird, whatever word you like to us, then he would try and stop.. Thats pressure on me, I already feel guilty because we have not had sex in many months and wonder if it is me that has pushed him to this, but at the same time I dont want to carry on the rest on my life feeling responsible.... See, there I go again... Thanks for your comments.

i was wondering because you called it a 'fetish'. a 'fetish' is when a person has a sexual response to something like a shoe or womens clothes... i wasn't sure whether your husband told you that he found wearing womens clothes to be erotic or whether you figured it must be an erotic thing because of something that you read online.

because people do it for different reasons, you see. for some it isn't erotic at all (hence doesn't constitute a fetish) for others it is erotic (hence does constitute a fetish). i wasn't sure what was going on.

sounds like there are greater pronlems in your relationship (lack of sex). have you talked to him about this? it might be the case that you guys could benefit from couples councelling or something like that.

Thanks.... Yes he wants to do this for sexual gratification... I have not been turned on by the way my husband lives his life for a long time, he is a very kind, gentle man, and would never want to hurt anyone... He almost lives his life like a man on his own, but talks and convinces everyone that what he does and says is fact.... I cannot rely, or trust his word ever, this is something that I have had to come to terms with.. For example, if he says he will be half an hour (baring in mind he never wears a watch), he will be an hour and a half... If I ask if he has let the cat in, he says yes, I then later look around for the cat to find it still outside... The freezer door has been left open over night on more than one occassion, the dishwasher has had the tablet put in, but never turned on (although he swears he did), again on more than one accassion. He has five clothes draws and everyone has socks in it, he has three barns and you cannot move in them, he has lost many house keys, mobile phones, leaves keys in the car over night, he can never find anything, he leaves bank details in the car. When parking the car, he will jump out and forget to put the hand brake on, I have had to crab it.. Its goes on and on... Please understand that I do love this man and we have had many discusions on these subjects (not saying that I am perfect in any way).. He does not like being like he is and would love to be more organised... His nick name is "Good Intentions"... I suppose over the years these things have not changed and he is still as careless, which constantly worries me and makes me feel insecure.. He was bought up in the Army with a father as a bully, who also wanted his sons to be his little soldiers and that everything they did had to be strong, aggressive and manly... If my neighbour comes in for a glass of wine he will give her a tumbler not a wine glass (because men dont mind what they drink from), he told me that he knows its not correct and could be embarrassing but its not a manly to think about things like correct glasses.... I find it hard to love him in an endearing, affectionate way, which has now left us without a sex life.... Blimey thats my whole storey, needed to get it all off my chest... Does any of this make sense to anyone else... I need some understanding too... Thanks again to you all, I really welcome your comments..

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS )))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ (((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

I have a lot of RESPECT for YOU for the understanding you are giving unto your husband.

... and I would say that if you can learn to cope with this and your husband continues to love you with Honor & Repect - then I would personally let it be and go on with your happy marriage and life.

ACCEPTANCE of ALL - is IMPORTANT.

* * * * * * *

Now, if this causes you any emotional difficulty then by all means cont' to talk it out with your husband...... from both sides of the fence. Good Luck!

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Fursac said:
His nick name is "Good Intentions"...

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Women all around the world reading this right now are shacking their heads YES and SMILING while LAUGHING ever so gently........ for we know this all to well.

... but we still love them (him).

Sounds like he hasn't really had an appropriate male role model and that he might have a distorted view of what masculinity entails. That part of him isn't so happy with the image that he has of what is required and that his cross dressing might (in part) be a 'secret' way for him to rebel against that. But that... He is divided...

Could you see a marriage councellor or something???

Hi and thanks so much.. You have raised a very important issue here... My husband`s father was a bully and a very selfish man, he didnt give any of his three sons a good insight or prepare them even for the big wide world.... I would love to speak to someone over these issues that I am having...